简单 发表于 2011-10-25 15:15:57

亲爱的亲亲们 ,偶的第二篇作文新鲜出炉,请大家品尝,特别要轰炸语法和结构,谢了..



Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve the growing traffic and pollution problems.<br />
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To what extent do you agree or disagree ?<br />
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What other measures do you think might be effective?<br />
请集中轰炸语法和结构<br />
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It is evident that high price of petrol can push more people to the public transport and cut carbon dioxide which contributes to the global warming&nbsp; &nbsp;. However&nbsp;&nbsp;,it will do little if nothing is done to prevent the tendency that use more cars.<br />
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The most significant factor that cause traffic jams and the decreasing standard of environment is more and more people can afford the car because of the development of the economic ,In addition ,the technology has been making the price of car minimised . As a result , cars have been a basic equipment almost&nbsp;&nbsp;in&nbsp;&nbsp;every family&nbsp;&nbsp;which make huge congestion and air pollution&nbsp;&nbsp;across the global.&nbsp;&nbsp;Therefore , merely use the&nbsp;&nbsp;initiate&nbsp;&nbsp;of high price do not solve problems.<br />
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The long-term solution is the combination between technical program&nbsp;&nbsp;and city designing . The emphasis of technology should be put upon the lifts of the fossil fuel efficiency and air filter equipment .These measures can be able to greatly cut consumption of petrol and reduce exhaust emission effectively. On the other hand , designing cities and neighborhood so that all the essential service being located within walking distance and the car travel not necessary . If all the destination can be easily accessible by the mass transport, the problems&nbsp;&nbsp;of traffic jams and environment degradation will be solved radically.<br />
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Although increasing the costs of using petrol is only a useful method to slow down the tendency that more and more&nbsp;&nbsp;huge congestions in cities and air pollution is becoming&nbsp;&nbsp;serious , the long-term&nbsp;&nbsp;solution is that technology which minimise the petrol consumption and designing cities&nbsp;&nbsp;reasonable in order to&nbsp;&nbsp;people&nbsp;&nbsp;prefer&nbsp;&nbsp;public transportation&nbsp;&nbsp;instead of private cars.



简单 发表于 2011-10-25 23:03:47



word说281个字
我自己没有数,眼睛酸痛痛


rwkd1071 发表于 2011-10-26 01:36:56



word说够了就够了


Estaninialk 发表于 2011-10-26 03:36:17

灌水一族 发表于 2011-10-26 15:30:00



it will do little if nothing is done to prevent the tendency that use more cars.

这句话好像不太通啊. However, the number of vehicles on city streets will still continue to grow if people fail to take necessary steps to limit the use of automobiles.


简单 发表于 2011-10-26 23:44:19



   


HY0916whp98 发表于 2011-10-27 11:29:42



结构绕弯了, 主体段一需要回答你为什么同意或不同意涨价是最好的解决交通和环境的方法
主体段2需要提出其他的有效措施


Asvfa01073 发表于 2011-10-27 12:45:39



很大程度赞成 # 4 #5&nbsp;&nbsp;的意见,这也是我第一眼看到LZ&nbsp;&nbsp;作品头一段的想法。你的开头段很吃亏。别小看第一段通常只含2-3句话,而且都是陈述题目性质的。第一段可是印入 评审者 眼帘 的 第一个印象。。关键是不扣题目。这种文章最多5.5。
do you agree or disagree 。。关键要突出 YOU, 其实这就是A类和 G 类大作文的一大区别。。A类打死不要提个人观点,不能能用 I , me ,personal&nbsp;&nbsp;之类的字眼。。可是G类,通常少不了这些字眼。&nbsp;&nbsp;然后还要 agree or disagree.&nbsp;&nbsp;最后还要 expect&nbsp;&nbsp;“你的” other measures 。。


再直接跳去看最后一段总结。。语法惨不忍睹。。。第一句的超级长句,错误连连。总结段要跟第一段中心相呼应,各段中心词/概念 必定要在总结段体现,否则,这一段就不叫作总结段了。当然你还都提到了。只是语法问题实在太大。请问3行中,你的句号有几个?主语有几个?尤其第一句,你要说 petrol 是 only method?&nbsp;&nbsp;这不是与首段和 第二段相违背吗?

回头再看看 主体段落各首句。。。。主要是第二段开头句,拖拖拉拉的错误长句让我决定给你最多5 分。

选一句改动语法:The most significant factor that cause traffic jams and the decreasing standard of environment is more and more people can afford the car because of the development of the economic

改动版: that cause(s) problems of traffic jams and decrease of air quality.&nbsp;&nbsp;
standard 是标准。。污染跟 环境标准是有很大区别的。 请留意 改动版的主体句其实很短。作为段首中心句,越短越有力度,层次越分明,越能体现你对复杂词汇(其实不用很复杂,关键是恰到好处)的掌握和概括能力。

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