最后再发一篇小作文 求评分 剑四2 卖家俱
剑四小作文 - 2 卖家俱<br />
题目：<br />
You want to sell some of your furniture. You think a friend of yours might like to buy it from you.<br />
<br />
Write a letter to your friend. In your letter<br />
explain why you are selling<br />
describe the furniture<br />
suggest a date when your friend can come and see the furture <br />
<br />
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练了两天小作文，感觉进步了一些。但是今天帮主申批这篇作文还是吓死了，写得巨直白，纯口语化，很中文。经过修改，这已经是我尽最大努力把它变得稍微不那么口语化了。请大家打分吧。<br />
如果能得到认同，我们就要move forward，开始练大作文了。毕竟时间很有限了。<br />
<br />
目标 6<br />
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以下，已经根据3WU同学的comments 改进。多谢<br />
<br />
Dear Jackson,<br />
<br />
<br />
I am writing to see if you would like to buy my compute desk, which was bought from IKEA two months ago. I will leave Shanghai in few weeks. It is inconvience and expensive to take furniture with me. Therefore, I decide to hold a garage sell this Sunday. Among the furniture there is a computer desk which I believe you might like to keep.<br />
<br />
<br />
The computer desk is still in perfect condition. As you may have seen from IKEA advertisement, the compute desk has a wooden desktop with stainless steel legs and a file cabinet. The desktop is 2 meters long and 0.6 meter wide, which makes it big enough to accommodate[抄来了，但是还是觉得不大会用这个词] a LCD/CRT monitor and daily files. Its height is adjustable from 0.7 meter to 0.9 meter. I have always been carefully using this computer desk. I think you would like it once you see it.<br />
<br />
<br />
You are welcome to come for an inspection before the garage sale. Saturday would be fine for me. I bought the computer desk for $150. However, you can take it for $60. I am Looking forward to your reply.<br />
<br />
<br />
Yours,<br />
Joe Johns<br />
<br />
[]
LZ作文需要多少分？
改善了不少。
Dear Jackson,
I am writing to see if you would like to buy my compute desk, which was bought from IKEA two months ago. I will leave Shanghai in few weeks. It is inconvience and expensive to take furniture with me. Therefore, I decide to hold a garage sell this Sunday. Among the furniture there is a computer desk which I believe you might like to keep.
The compter desk is still in perfect conditions (中心句要在第一，二句). As you may have seen from the IKEA advertisement, the compute desk has a wooden desktop with stainless steel legs and a file cabinet. The desktop is 2 meters long and 0.6 meter wide, which makes it big enough to place(accommodate) a LCD/CRT monitor and daily files. The(Its) height is adjustable from 0.7 meter to 0.9 meter. I have always been carefully using the(this) computer desk. I think you would like it once you see it. (归纳句，其实可以完全重复中心句（最好稍微改动），也可以是承上启下。)
If you are interested in it, you may come to take a look (you are welcome to come for an inspection, 建议不要重复题目句子和词汇，因为这样会不得分) before the garage sale. Saturday would be fine for me. I bought the computer desk for $150,. However you can take it for $60. I am (虽然是G类，不完整句子也会扣分)looking forward to your reply.
Yours Sincerely,
Yours，就可以了，因为是你的 朋友
Joe Johns
[]
6分。
加到一楼去了。不过小作文相对好写点，大作文比较难，小作文能6.5-7帮助大作文拉一点就好了。
考官说过，其实小作文很重要。如果只是要6分。小作文尤其重要。有些考官看看小作文就知道哪个人水平到不到基本水平。 有些人太看重大作文，结果先写大作文，小作文没有写好。结果 复议 以后才过6 （那人大作文写得不错）
大作文的写作方式其实跟小作文一致。只是少点情景想象，多点想象例证，而且观点多点。 行文结构是一样的。
inspection ，我改的时候就想到有这么一个词用在这里很合适，但是想啊想也想不出来到底是谁。这个词是经常在我爱我家版看大家买房子贴里学到的，不过临时没能想起来。哈哈这下知道了，下次一定用得上了。
哈哈garage sale也是在论坛里学到的。
正想说你这个词用得好
我好out
我以为此帖的用意是求评分
顺搭卖家具
我还冲进来看看都卖些什么
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