冲写作7分...发作文求指导求修改求拍砖..
上次考试别的还行，可是写作没到7分现在无法申请州担保..准备再考一次冲4个7！可是写作7分还真有点不知道从何下手来提高...我想可能要抛弃之前准备的慎小嶷书里的一些常用模版和套路...暂时是研究了几篇考官范文，看到好的表达就背一背...<br />
发篇刚练的作文，求指点，求修改，求拍砖..<br />
As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing.<br />
<br />
What factors contribute to job satisfaction?<br />
How realistic is the expectation of job satisfaction for all workers?<br />
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.<br />
==============================================================================================================<br />
People spend more than one third of their lifetime at work. For most of them, a job is not just a way to earn a living, but a way to gain fulfillment and self -satisfaction.<br />
<br />
What factors are key to gain job satisfaction? In my opinion, there are three major points that leads to it: the satisfying payment, the comfortable working environment and the friendly relationship between colleagues. Payment is essential to an employee because that directly effect the life quality of themselves, and even their families. Most people work so hard for one whole year in the hope of having a huge yearly bonus. Beside payment, it is also a comfy working environment that most employees care about. Nobody wants to work in a noisy, dark or cold place after all. Last but not least, the relationship between colleagues is not an ignorable factor too. A company, or even an office could be seen as a mini society. When everyone around is friendly and easy going, willing to help each other, the job satisfaction of every employee would raise, undoubtedly.<br />
As we all know, the world is no perfection, which means the reality is always not so appealing as we imagine. Some people are struggling to feed their families by working over 10 hours a day with little pay. Some are working hard in the condition lack of water, sunshine or even enough air. Some are involved in office politics and seeing colleagues as enemies.<br />
<br />
However, even though it is unlikely that everyone could be happy about their work, there are many ways to improve the job satisfaction of the employees. If the factors identified above implemented, then more workers would enjoy doing their jobs.<br />
（286 words）<br />
<br />
[]
只改语法不打分。个人感觉还是要多练吧。
谢谢指教！能否把您觉得语法错误的地方标一下，谢谢！！
不知大家的作文都是如何练习和进步的，是不是去网上找作文批改的老师会有效率呢？还是报写作班？但是我的城市好像没有写作7分班...迷茫...
作为一个作文考了三次才考到6分的人，我还是默默的飘过吧
楼主到我这来一起写作文吧。
http://localau.com/thread-935612-1-1.html
好~~我来也！！大家一起加油啊！
文章虽然让人感觉不在状态，LZ渴望不惜代价提高的心态却是对了。要说文章能写成这样，肯定是下了功夫，有了一定基础。比起我起步的时候，水平高多了。不过，路子稍微有点偏，不及时纠正，可能会出内伤。对以后理解英语文化，享受异国风情大大不利。
这种文章属于中国人所说的议论文，重在论点、论据和论证。论点要中正平和，不失于偏颇；论据要确凿，有代表性；论证要逻辑正确，由浅入深，不失于突兀、牵强。本文立论过于绝对，没给自己留后路；论据不够详实，不能令人信服；论证过程不充分，过于松散。而且其中带有浓重的个人感情色彩和不客观的断言。举个例子：Nobody wants to work in a noisy, dark or cold place after all. 三百六十行，行行有行行的辛酸，行行有行行的直接或间接的危险，这就是为什么澳洲有那么多INDUSTRY AWARDS了。这句话听上去象是办公室白领在鄙视重体力劳动者，透着无知、傲慢和狭隘。
全文没有跳出马斯洛理论（1.生理需求2.安全需求3.社交需求4.尊重需求5.自我实现需求）的范畴，却没能引用这个众人皆知的研究成果加强自己的说服力，比较可惜。
在这里分享几个修炼的套路，可能对LZ有帮助。
１、听说读写不必强分彼此，同一套题中的四个部分可能对写作都有帮助。特别要提出的是听力部分，特点是短小精悍，还因为常常出自一个小组讨论或新闻直击，所以覆盖问题的多方面。
２、关注西方媒体对于主要社会事件、社会矛盾、人与自然等方面的态度和措辞，SO THAT YOU CAN SPEAK THEIR LANGUAGE。
３、最后虽然熟读唐诗三百首，还是不能跳过自出机杼这一关。把大家有共识的社会问题、科技发展等论题各选几个有代表性的，先把自己的想法别管字数、时间的限制，甚至别管中文还是英文，象竹筒倒豆子一样倒出来。然后以旁观者的角度阅读修改，去芜存菁，精炼几遍。广邀高手提出修改意见，然后自己根据感觉过滤推敲。４、５遍后，你和文章都会脱胎换骨。
本人的体会。如果要写得好，还是要多读。读当代英文报刊。当你读能得抑扬顿挫的时候，写得好就水到渠成了。
建议楼主找个有经验的外国老师或者前考官， 这应该是最快的提高途径了。
页:
[1]
2