雅思作文求批改
<strong>Writing task2</strong><br />
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.<br />
Write about the following topic:<br />
<strong>Some people think it would be a good idea for schools to teach every young person how to be a good parent.<br />
Do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Describe the skills a person needs to be a good parent.</strong><br />
<br />
Being a qualified parent is a big challenge to every adult who want to have a baby. What makes a person to be a good father or mother is a frequent topic of discussion. Some suggest that every young people should learn how to be a fine parent in school. In my view, I tend to disagree with the opinion expressed.<br />
<br />
Clearly, studying in school is a good choice when individuals need to acquire knowledge and skills, but the question is, can we obtain any information in a “how to be a good dad/mom” school? A good parent, as I see it, needs to be considerate and thoughtful about kids. If he or she is always careless and cannot dedicate all time to his or her offspring, then young children are not likely to grow up healthily and happily. Further, people, especially young mothers, need necessary experience before rearing kids. The experience can usually be obtained by keeping baby dogs or other small pets. In the third place, being a good parent means being a mature adult. That needs young individuals to become decision-making and critical-thinking. Without these qualifications, they could not become good parents.<br />
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However, it is true that young people can acquire some useful knowledge in school, such as how to keep babies safe, how to wash their bodies. But it is not realistic for every people to go to school. In many cases, this opinion is a waste of time and money.<br />
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Finally, without suggesting all information from school is necessarily worthless, I think it is not realistic, in many ways, for every young people studying at school to learn how to be a good parent. All aspects I mentioned above necessitate people a lot of practice, and cannot be obtained from school.
看了楼主写的,我觉得我得5.5分是天经地义的,看来我离6分还有还远
个人建议是Coherence and Cohesion要多加强一下,主要是指句子之间的联系,现在看起来很像罗列了很多ideas,连接词用得少,所以相互之间的关系并不明确。
如果说错了不要砍我...
看到了一些语法错误,总体这篇作文我觉得还可以
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