大作文一篇.求论坛移友批改.目标求6争6.5.万分感激
Topic:<br />
Nowadays, cheap air travel is increasingly popular in the world. To what extend do you agree its advantages outweigh its disadvantages?<br />
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The issue of whether flight tickets should be cheap or not has been a frequent topic of discussion in the contemporary world. Personally, I am in favour of cheap air travel.<br />
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Firstly, a great number of ordinary people are likely to benefit from low prices when they are planning a long holiday. More affordable and no longer a luxury only for the wealthy, people now can take air travel into account, which is likely to boost tourism accordingly. Secondly, due to globalization, businesses are no longer limited to domestic markets for those multi-national cooperations. Therefore, economic class is an essential approach to maintaining travelling expenditure at an acceptable level. Thirdly, from the air line owners’ perspective, low prices and profits are not mutually exclusive. Based on a fundamental economic principle, the cost of a flight is reasonably stable and mainly dependent on fuel consumption. It does not vary dramatically when the cabin is full or not. Therefore, more tickets sold mean more profits, even if they are cheaper. Last but not least, tourism is booming after the low-price tickets were introduced as there seem to be plenty of research findings to confirm this.<br />
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However, some individuals argue that low prices will trigger a prize war among air lines. And it could stimulate air lines to compete in a vicious cycle, which could eventually be detrimental to themselves. Moreover, cheap tickets usually are linked to low customer service level, even to the point of endangering flight safety. However, until authorities establish an effective mechanism to monitor air lines, I believe, those air lines have to consider safety first and profits rather than customer quantities only.<br />
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In summary, air lines should provide more cheap tickets or some sort of combinations to attract more potential clients.
顶回去.求指教
我感觉句子太长了
思路有一些问题，后半写的有些仓促(连着2个however)，不考虑语法细节和用词上的小问题离6还是有点距离
此类论述题务必需要明确回答to what extent这个问题，否则后面很难展开。Totally agree/partially agree/totally disagree甚至hard to say都是可以接受的观点，后面的正反论述便按开篇的观点来进行支持，或者挺正驳反，或者主副结合，或者左右互搏，最后总结达到目的。
LZ的文章开头说了in favor，却也没有说明in favor到何种程度，然后在四条正面论据（第一条和第四条都提了旅游业，所以并列性也有点问题）以后跟了三条反面论据，对三条反面论据却又不置可否，此为逻辑硬伤，容易让读者不明就里。
建议在文章结构构思下多下工夫，6分即可水到渠成。
多谢多谢.原来我的5.5分就是那样来的.
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