求批改作文
同学们，我刚随便写了一篇，没怎么修改，不知道这个作文能否上6分？<br />
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<strong>Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.</strong><br />
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Transformation happens all the time in everyone’s daily life. We cannot refuse the change and avoid making change even if some of us dislike the changes which have happened and will happen.<br />
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Some people hate the transformation as they are hard to be used to changes which has happened at a staggering rate. For instance, the computer which is the most significant invention in 20th century, deeply impact our daily life, makes changes itself everyday and everyone living in the society have to adapt to the changes, since without computers, individuals cannot continue their normal daily life, despite of this, some elderly people still refuse to use computers as they feel it is too difficulty for them to operator them. Moreover some transformations which bring people disadvantageous influence make our life even harder than before, consequently, we really do not want these changes. For instance, the economic recession happened in recently years make an increasingly number of people live in poverty, another example that can be used to illustrate the negative changes is the frequent regional conflict happen in contemporary world, the vast majority of victims lose their homeland and live in fear and without hope everyday. On top of this, it is understandable that some individuals refuse the changes happen among them.<br />
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However, there are a booming number of changes which make our life happier and easier, thus, some people who believe changes is a good things is reasonable. iPhone 4 which is very popular all over the world last year can be very easily found on streets and offices, why are people crazy about this tiny lovely cell phone？Since it indeed bring our life more convenience and happiness. People can easily read novel in their boring duty off trip which they have to suffer from every day. Another example is cheap air travel which comes out in recently years, as a consequence, people who are fond of traveling can spend less money in flying to foreign country instead of spending a great deal of money in the past. Overall, we certainly can accept the changes that make the world a more beautiful homeland.<br />
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In conclusion, we should put a lot of effect to make positive changes to impact our life. By contract, we should avoid the changes that are harmful to the human being.<br />
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看了，给点建议： 1、全篇中式思维的句式太多，看起来没有那种顺畅的感觉。
2、部分词用得不是很准确，但至少可以用更好的词。
3、注意标点符号，不要全是“，”。
多谢楼上，中式思维这个怎么可以改善？
用词和标点我是都没改就发上来了，我回去再改一下。
In conclusion, we should put a lot of effect to make positive changes to impact our life. By contract, we should avoid the changes that are harmful to the human being.
你自己觉得你的这个结尾咋样呢？ effect啥意思， impact 能这么用吗？ 两个句子都是we，we，太单调了
lz你先看看这个，这个是学术论文写作规范，每段开头都有一个主题句才行，然后整段围绕这个论述。 http://au.localau.com/thread-990121-1-1.html
另外你开头用的transformation啥意思啊，我怎么觉得不合适啊，反正我个人觉得如果你开头和结尾都出现很低级的用词、句子失误的话，6分你就别想了。
另外前面说的那个连接里面的链接也建议看看，还有这个http://au.localau.com/thread-936147-1-1.html
同意4楼的，
楼主低级错误太多了，拼错就算了，居然都拼成了别的词。
继续努力！
批评的对，其实我想用 put in a lot of effect 多下工夫
impact our life 换成 make our life better?
最后面这句 换成倒装怎么样？ 或者前面用 I believe
XUEXMA同学能帮忙改下吗?吓得我都不敢写了
还是写错了吧，put in a lot of effort? 是不是写成put a lot of effort in doing更好些呢？ 但是说实话我觉得英文不能直接从中文翻译过来，要不然很怪，可能改成pay more attention to ... 更好些
THE 20th century
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