求改作文，请localau的大侠们指点一下啊
People prefer to go shopping in the supermarket rather than small shops and local markets. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?<br />
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Since the explosive development of supermarket in 1980s, there has been an inevitable trend that more customers chose to purchase their supplies in large facilities when some small businesses seem to be forgotten. Although supermarkets have undeniable advantage on convenience and diversity, its over-flourish may have critical side effects such as congested traffic, increasing unemployment rate and decline in the quality of life. <br />
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In general, small stores tend to locate in communities somewhere adjacent to resident and can be reached on foot. On the contrary, those who want to shopping in big supermarkets have no choice but take a long drive to the downtown since most of large businesses chose their site nearby enormous stream of people. Obviously, the more consumers drive to their daily supplier, the heavier the traffic will be which is already a huge burden for modern society. <br />
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Modern commerce, implemented highly efficient and automatic technology and management, require much less employees than conventional businesses. For example, the Wal-Mart located in the center of Beijing provided thousands kinds of products but only hired 20 workers at most. The over 300 small traditional stores around it within the area provided more than 1500 job opportunities are now squeezed by this immense and competitive monster. The direct effect is that the unemployment rate has raised 2% which have been demonstrated by economic scientists in Beijing University that was caused by Wal-Mart.<br />
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Owing the advanced domination of the market by crushing its enemy by efficient technology and competitive price, supermarkets would predictable increase the price of the products and service for more profits if competitions are vanished. It indicates that we would have to spend more on usual daily supplies such as food and fruit.<br />
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As experienced, both supermarkets and small shops have benefits. However, people’s bias preference will led to imbalanced economic system which will finally threaten the life of individual and the sustainable development of society.<br />
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刚刚开始发力学习写作，以前重点都在阅读和听力了，请大家看看这个写得怎么样啊<span></span>
个人感觉不错，虽然有些小问题，呵呵！我要能写成这样就高兴了！
很喜欢你的创新和想法，写的很好，比我强
一些小建议：
字数超300了，开头可以短一点
which have(has) been demonstrated by economic scientists
both supermarkets and small shops have benefits （can benefit from it）
Owing （to） the advanced domination
谢谢，你的建议，我的语法还是弱了点，会尽力补强的
你仔细下肯定就很强了 请问这文章多久写完的 40分钟能写这样就很了不起
want to shopping
have no choice but take
require much less employees
provided more than 1500
which have been demonstrated
that was caused by Wal-Mart. ?
predictable increase the price
competitions are vanished => vanishes
usual daily supplies => commodities?
As experienced ?
will led to
才刚开始练，哪里有强，写了快两个小时，要求自己不能用自己不会的词，所以不能查字典，论点很快就有了，就是语言不好组织，练得太少了
恩 可以发给老师改一下 我觉得idea是自己的 语法和用词可以请人改正 我估计你改一下语法应该有7分的
试试看
谢谢大侠的指点啊
应该是
want to shop
have no choice but to take
require much less employees 这个不明白错在哪里，能指点一下吗
provided more than 1500 还是不明白
which has been demonstrated
predictably increase the price
competitions vanishes
commodity 我不熟，没想到
will lead to
that was caused by the extinction of local market.
大侠有劳多说两句吧
嗯，趁你吉言，这个大祝福术我收到了
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