（第二篇已更新）可不可以请大家帮我评评雅思作文呢？求7分啊，不知还有多远……
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我把作文贴在这里，大家尽情拍砖，虚心求批评，求建议！<br />
之前的写作都是6分，主要想知道自己和7分的距离还有多远……<br />
提前谢过各位了！<br />
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第二篇<br />
2013/03/02 真题 Online education, do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?<br />
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Online education is a trendy topic today after computer technology has permeated into the field of education. While some people suggest that it cannot exceed traditional ways of teaching, I tend to believe that distance-learning has many advantages.<br />
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One advantage is that online education enables people to obtain access to education anywhere. As long as people have a computer with Internet access, they can get absorbed in all the latest knowledge in the virtual classroom regardless of geographic locations. This is particularly the case for students coming from rural and deprived areas, where education resources usually are inadequate and the quality of teaching is relatively compromised.<br />
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Another advantage is that online learning allows people to take classes anytime, thereby helping them make optimal use of their time. As the education content is pre-recorded and can be downloaded twenty-four hours a day, people can plan their day in advance in order to find the most suitable time to attend the course. In this way, they can learn more effectively and produce maximum learning outcomes.<br />
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On the other hand, one problem lies in online education is lack of interaction. There is no real teacher during the whole learning process, and all the study materials are delivered in the forms of multimedia, such as video clips or PowerPoint slides. Also, each student can only study individually due to the fact that group discussion or group project can hardly be performed online. In contrast, greater interaction can be realized in the traditional classroom, where students are trained with team-oriented skills, which are crucial to career advancement.<br />
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In conclusion, despite the fact that online learning may lack interaction, I still believe that it has many positive impacts in terms of allowing people to get access to education anywhere and anytime.<br />
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(295 words)<br />
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第一篇<br />
As the number of cars increases, more money has to be spent on road systems. Some people think the government should pay for this. Others, however, think that the user should pay for the cost. <br />
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.<br />
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One country’ road systems usually require a large sum of money, especially when there are an increasing number of automobiles. While some people think that the government should pay for the road expense, I personally believe that individuals should share the responsibility with the government.<br />
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If the government takes the sole responsibility in maintaining the road systems, it can certainly ensure that they are well-managed and function smoothly. Government’s operation is more likely to improve the road facilities and make sure that they all meet the safety requirement, which is crucial to citizens’ well-being. This is especially true in developed countries, where government tends to emphasizes social infrastructure and have more advanced management experience.<br />
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On the other hand, if the users pay all the road expense, the government can surely spare the extra money and energy on improving the overall public well-being. It is because the fact that individual’s participation can fill funding gaps, thereby easing the burden on authorities. When the road systems are financially taken good care of by the public, the government therefore can spend extra money on other areas such as education or health care,<br />
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In my opinion, I think that the road users should share the responsibility with the government. If individuals, along with the government can make a joint effort, it can make sure the capitals and resources invested in road systems adequate. And the road systems can be carefully maintained, effectively operated and frequently updated.<br />
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In conclusion, I believe that the country can benefit economically if individuals and government can both take the initiative to take care of the road systems.<br />
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(268 words)
LZ的论点好像没说清楚。最后结尾说“政府和个人一起发起养路运动？”，跑偏了吧。有几个地方觉得不太合逻辑，文中蓝字标出了。还有一种立题的思路：交通系统的受益人群是有地域限制的，而且很多设施不是为所有人使用的。user交费也是fair的，用者承担，不用者不承担。个人感觉行文的逻辑性上还可以再进步一些。
谢谢这么详尽的回复，我都没有料到，呵呵。
逻辑绝对是我最大的弱点，嗯，我好好琢磨下，试试用你的思路写写试试。
非常感谢啊！！！
我不是英文专业，不大会说明，中式英文好明显阿! 看著我头晕～
因为有时无法直接以英文文法来理解，相信这会对纯英文背景考官带来很大考验。
例如第一句
One country’ road systems usually require a large sum of money, especially when there are an increasing number of automobiles.
我或许会写成：
The local government has had spend a large amount of budget on dealing with the traffic congestion problem, and it keeps growing with the number of the vehicles as well.
建议你可以多看看报纸，写法会比较地道一些。
提供一篇社论，给你做参考！
Traffic Congestion Getting Worse, Researchers Report
Traffic congestion, already costing Americans $63.1 billion a year, is only getting worse, according to a new report from the Texas Transportation Institute (TTI). Factoring in today's rising fuel prices adds another $1.7 billion per year.
The release of TTI's 2005 Urban Mobility Report, which measures traffic congestion trends from 1982 to 2003, comes as the U.S. Congress is considering legislation to re-authorize funding for transportation programs and projects across the nation. The House-passed version of the six-year bill includes a Congestion Relief Program to address urban congestion problems. "The bill includes important sections dedicated to developing a strategy to improve mobility by attacking congestion in a systematic way using an array of traffic congestion relief activities," says study author Tim Lomax, a research engineer at TTI in a press release. Those congestion relief activities include building more road and public transportation capacity, operating that capacity for the most efficient service, and innovative pricing and truck-only lane projects.
"There is no single solution that can reverse the growth in congestion" Lomax says. "The deliberations in Congress, decisions by state and local elected officials, the results of voter initiatives last fall, and our research findings recognize that reality," he added.
The TTI study ranks areas according to several measurements, including:
Annual delay per peak period (rush hour) traveler, which has grown from 16 hours to 47 hours since 1982,
Number of urban areas with more than 20 hours of annual delay per peak traveler, which has grown from only 5 in 1982 to 51 in 2003,
Total amount of delay, reaching 3.7 billion hours in 2003, and
Wasted fuel, totaling 2.3 billion gallons lost to engines idling in traffic jams.
"Congestion is a complicated issue and can’t be solved with one approach nationwide," Lomax says, "We need to think about how policies and programs enacted at the federal, state and local levels affect congestion."
虚心接受，改进后再来！
第二篇已更新。欢迎拍砖。
其他先不说你先把所有I believe， I still believe改成客观描述或者被动语态……
最后的in conclusion，一般要先大致总结上面提到的观点，然后才下结论
语法方面，单复数要一致，譬如As long as people have a computer with Internet access ，people是复数，后面就不要写A COMPUTER
还有短语方面，they can get absorbed，这个明显就是they can absorbed，不是被动语态的
还有就是中式英语实在太明显。。。读起来好累
首先，感谢你真诚的批评，呵呵，已经不是第一个人这么说了… 可不可以告诉我具体哪些是中式英语呢？我很想改，但是我自己看不出来… 拜托了！！！
自己也在准备雅思，看了你的文章，几点想法仅供参考。
1. 关于逻辑
练逻辑其实有模式的，一个论点出来，先问问自己为什么，给出原因，再逼着问自己为什么，绞尽脑汁想出原因，好，问问自己有什么好处，然后后果是什么。
这么一来一个论点就发展全了。
2. 关于语言
一个是中式英语，我的经验是利用网络词典（我用的是有道），确认句子里面的每一个元素（形容词，动词，副词，短语）都有原声例句存在，如果不存在，说明这个是创造出来的，可能是中式英语
一个是语法错误，这个就找本基本的语法书练习练习（我用的是顾家北的手把手）
我感觉雅思作文还在于一个练习，修改。如果没有找到合适的人修改，建议翻译优秀文章后原文对照自己修改发现错误。
祝早日通过雅思7炸
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