雅思5.5的童鞋大作文求修改,十分感谢
<strong>请各位大神给我看看,急啊,学了4个月作文才提高了0.5分. 谢谢了! 下面这四个都有是剑8的题,我自己改了下, 但感觉还不满意, 故来求助.</strong><br />
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<strong>1. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.</strong> <br />
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To become an active member of society, there are lots of things that children should be taught. Although it is controversial on this issue whether school or parents should take this responsibility, I believe that both sides should shoulder their duties.<br />
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For some reasons some people think that schooling play the pivotal role for children's growth. Firstly, some basic skills such as literacy and other practical skills, which most children acquire at school, are extremely important even if they are grown up. Currently, it is undeniable that children's education background determines the class in society which a child belongs to. Besides the practical skills, school also teaches children the rules and values they need to become good citizens, to participate in the community and to contribute to the economic prosperity. Finally, school is the occasion that children learn how to communicate with each other and how to express themselves as well. Children will profit from these experiences even if they enter society. <br />
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However, other people insist that parents have the main responsibility to enable the children to adapt to adulthood lives. To begin with, they argue that parents are not only the ones who give birth for children, but also ones whom children could rely on before they are able to live independently. Without parents, children would not be able to survive. What is more, parents are idols to children since the day they were brought to the world. In other words, children tend to imitate their parents' behaviour and even thinking. In this way parents mould children's characters and soul inevitably before they attending school. <br />
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In my opinion, both parent and school are essential roles for children on the way they are grown up. Parents give children life, and school imparts children practical skills to make them more perfect. Both of them should take the duty of children's growing.<br />
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<strong>2. Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has hcanged because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of realationships people make?</strong><br />
<strong>Has this become positive or negative development?</strong><br />
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</strong>With the development of technology, people have more choices in communicating with each other. This phenomenon has brought desirable effects, however, some negative impacts, which are associated with the changing in people’s social communication and interaction, are produced inevitably because of technology improvement. <br />
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The ways that people build up relationship between each other have impacted by technological development in a number of aspects. Firstly, the improvements of technology enable people to communicate and interact more effective. Wherever they are and whenever they would like to do, they are able to interview over certain technology, such as internet or telephone. Secondly, individuals who never met each other before can also establish connection through modern telecommunication technology. In other words, people are rendered to diverse choices in finding and building their social circles. Furthermore, they tend to have a large number of friends with different backgrounds, which include nationality, culture and language.<br />
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These kinds of tendency, which technology improvements are changing how people socialize each other have brought both active and passive effects. Obviously, as a positive development, it has not only promoted people’s the effective and efficiency communicate with each other, but also has strengthened people’s ability to interact across various barriers. On the other hand, people are spending too much of their time on the virtual relationship. As a result, people are isolated from the real world around them. In this way, technology improvements play as a passive role in people's communication and interaction.<br />
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To conclusion, people profit from the progress of modern technology, but meanwhile, they should not indulge in the virtual world and neglect their real relationships and family bonds.<br />
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<strong>3. Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures do you think might be effective?<br />
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</strong>The developing problems of traffic vehicles leads to various pollution and congestions.The high price of fossil fuel is able to combat against these problems, however, there are still some other effective ways which are beneficial to solute these problems. <br />
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In my opinion, the raise on the price of petrol is probably a direct and effective way for some reasons. To begin with, the high expense on petrol means people have to choose public transport rather than private vehicles. Consequently, the pressure on traffic and environment can be reduced. Furthermore, people are forced to develop renewable and cheap energies to give a permanent and effective solution on these issues, such as congestion, air pollution and noise pollution. Finally it is beneficial to reduce the amount of exhaust fumes emissions. <br />
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However, there are still some other constructive solutions to traffic growth and pollution. First of all, legislation may be a good way on this issue. We would make law to forbid high-polluted vehicles. If people can be aware of the traffic and pollution problems, they will play key role in these issues. For example, they can use green ways to move around, such as walking and biking. Finally, developing more eco-friendly energy can largely reduce transportation and environment problems. <br />
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In conclusion, I think that improving the price of petrol could be one of the best ways to cope with traffic and pollution, but meanwhile, there are still other possibilities to address these problems.<br />
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<strong>4. In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?<br />
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Today, in many developed countries, obesity rates are rising, but people’s healthiness are becoming worse. In this article, I try to discover some reasons on those problems and then give some solutions.<br />
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There are many reasons contributed to over-weight and unhealthiness. The main reason is that individuals who live in developed countries eat too much and exercise not enough. Because of technology improvements, machines are gradually taking place of human labour almost everywhere, in factories, offices and even at homes. For example, now people tend to move around by vehicles instead of walking. Meanwhile, people have hardly had time to relax when competitions are fierce and the tempo of life is more fast and stressful. Therefore, they prefer to eat more high-calorie and convenient foods to adapt to modern lifestyle. As a result, their weights rise. What is more, obesity often triggers other diseases, such as high blood pressure, stroke and heart diseases. <br />
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After having known what has happened to people’s weight and healthiness, we must take some actions. First of all, we should do as much exercise as we can. In this way, we are able to keep fit and lose weight. Besides, sports are the best way to calm and soothe ourselves. Second, we should eat more nutritious foods, which are not only helpful to strengthen our bodies, but also useful to protect people from illnesses. <br />
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In conclusion, for some reason people’s weight is increasing and their fitness and health are being challenged by kinds of diseases, however, there are still some measures we could use to protect ourselves from these sorts of threat.
我觉得有些词用得不会很对，而且道理讲得不清楚，逻辑性不强，也没有什么例子。
个人意见，低手飘过……
谢谢,能具体一点么
如果嫌烦只改一篇也行啊
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回楼上,我自己的目标当然是起高越好了,但答于自己目前的实力,6分以上就可以了
改一句：'people have more choices in communicating with each other.' 逻辑问题，有more一定要than，
people have more options to communicate in these days than before.
嗯,谢谢
Today可以写成Nowadays，会不会好点？
最后一段，for some reasons感觉不地道，而且就算写也应该放在句尾比较好。
measures 那个词有的是不是有点问题？method的话不够给力。
抛砖引玉，准备5月底第一次考G类呢。
作文还没开始准备呢，现在专心准备口语
1. Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
To become an active (and positive) member of society, there are lots of things that children should be taught. (用to become 开头，后面半句的主语必须是人了，你用的是there is，前后不搭了)Although it is controversial on this issue whether school or parents should take this responsibility, I believe that both sides should shoulder their duties.
For some reasons（凑字的没什么意义） some people think that schooling play the pivotal role for children's growth. Firstly, some basic skills such as literacy and other practical skills, which most children acquire at school, are extremely important even if they are（have been） grown up. Currently, it is undeniable that children's education background determines the class in society which a child belongs to.(determines which class in the society a child belongs to....) Besides the practical skills, school also teaches children the rules and values they need to (need to know,至少得有个know，to )become good citizens, （as well as how）to participate in the community and to contribute to the economic prosperity. Finally,(studying at) school is the occasion that children learn how to communicate with each other(others 足矣) and how to express themselves as well. Children will profit from these experiences even if（这个逻辑不是转折，是发展的，有一个连词叫after，有一个词组叫as soon as） they enter society.
However, other people insist that parents have the main responsibility to enable the children to adapt to adulthood lives. To begin with, they argue that parents are not only the ones who give birth for children, but also ones whom children could rely on before they are able to live independently. (大哥你这句从句太复杂了。。。parents are not give birth for children,but also on whom children rely before....)Without parents, children would not be able to survive. What is more, parents are idols to children since the day they were brought to the world. (时态不对，前面完成进行时，后面一般完成时，基础语法问题)In other words, children tend to imitate their parents' behaviour and even thinking. In this way parents mould children's characters and soul inevitably before they attending school.
In my opinion, both parent and school are essential roles for children on the way they are grown up. Parents give children life, and school imparts children practical skills to make them more perfec（better）t. Both of them should take the duty of children's growing.
最后那个词应该是growth吧。。。
谢谢你的建议!
我也是五月底考G类,不过我是第三次了, 前两次成绩很差, 是啊,口语很重要,作文最好多写写,不然 会很蛋疼的
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