冲7作文求批改
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Some people believe public transport should be in charge of free. Do you think the advantages are more than disadvantages?<br />
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Some people think that public transport should be free of charge. From my perspective, I believe that the disadvantages of free public transport far outweigh its advantages.<br />
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Vehicles without regular maintenance may put passengers at risk of terrible accidents, which could injure them or even kill them. If public transport could not make money from service, it may lead to insufficient funding for repairing and maintenance. Gradually, parts of vehicles are out of date and could not work properly. Finally, it becomes a potential risk, which may cause dangerous accidents when vehicles run in streets. In addition, it has a negative effect on the quality of people's life. Free public transport means that the service has to rely heavily on government's subsidy. The expense of maintenance and cost of employees are all paid by governments. However, these money is raised by tax. If public transportation becomes free, it will definitely increase the financial burden on taxers. Consequently, they have less budget for necessities or basic needs, which could lead to the decline of their well-being.<br />
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Some people may argue that they could save some money if they do not have to pay for the transport service. It is true that they can get some benefit from it. However, in comparison to the risks of accidents and tax burden, the benefit is far too little.<br />
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In conclusion, I believe free public transport has more drawbacks than benefits because it poses a threat to people's safety and put a heavy financial burden on taxers.
北北的追随者,只看过资料没上过他的课,所以写出来的风格不太正宗
北北是ABC写法,我是C + ABC, 野路子写法,主体段第一句我喜欢开门见山写明观点,其次虽然C出现了两次有点重复,但是可以凑点字数
6分
论据不强,逻辑性不强。第二段第一句上来就说免费了事故概率会增高。这两者有关系么?
第二个however用法不对。有些连贯词用的太勉强,为了用而用。
个人愚见,希望有帮助
我不好批改,考3次,写作只考出过1次7分,自觉水平还到不了批改的水平,但帮你顶一下。简单扫了一眼,感觉模板痕迹太过明显,这样的作文几乎不太可能达到7分。希望你能抛开所有模板,标新立意,在开头的时候就可以抓住考官。
ls几位看来都不是北北的弟子,也难怪了
免费,没有资金来维护车辆,车子年久失修,会造成一定危险,这个逻辑不牵强。
第二个确实是,我有点养成坏习惯了
Free public transport may put passengers at risk of terrible accidents, which could injure them or even kill them.
只看这一句话:“免费就会让乘客有车祸危险,受伤或者丧命。” 我觉得很没逻辑
你说没有资金来维护,免费不代表没有资金来维护吧。发达国家医疗大多免费,但是不也维护的很好?
读起来不够通畅,另外建议LZ用词尽量不要重复,However出现3处了。。仅供参考。离7不远,继续努力。
advantages是不是写得太少了呢
反复思考了很久,先不论逻辑如何,第一句这么写确实有点唐突,谢谢你的建议,也祝你顺利
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