They make a none-television home, trying(语法问题要么加and使用一般时，要么改成成目的状语重句吧) to let their kids have some other leisure activities in spare time.In my opinion, they have their reasons, but go to(too?) extreme
另外有几个用词我建议一下:
1. cannot judge what is good and what is bad,
descriminate is more accurate
2.without any idea of right or wrong
sense of right and wrong may be better
3. On the other hand, we must recognize the advantage of television
shoud be advantages
4.get这个词口语话更重一点，如果可以用obtain/gain替换，感觉会更好些
5. 另外在这种正式的写作中一般是不用缩写的比如：That’ll
6. by choosing proper program for children
对于可数名词，是不能既不加s又不加的the, so it should be choosing proper programs
7.结论得出的有些仓促，逻辑可以再紧密些，不过还是有些离题。
关于跑题的问题，看题目的时候我注意到了，但是还有点不同看法。原文说“spend the leisure time more creatively”，个人感觉这里的creatively不是指“参加其他活动激发创造性”，而是指“更有创造性的参加其他活动”（意指多样性的活动）。不知是否正确呢？
作者: teshopabo358 时间: 2010-5-23 05:43
我觉得有点跑题了，如果题目是关于电视的危害，是没问题，但题目里说了parents believe that, by doing this, their children will spend the leisure time more creatively.
LZ 是不是应该把leisure time 和电视的影响更多的联系一下呢~
我全片没看到leisure time 的内容咯，只有开头一笔就带过了~
另外一些小问题：
cause health problems like nearsighted and/or overweight 你在这里用的话，应该是shortsightedness
Limited by their understanding and experience, in most cases, children cannot judge what is good and what is bad. They may try to do those activities they saw in TV programs just for fun, without any idea of right or wrong. 这里的without any idea of right or wrong.是否和前面重复了
But these disadvantages can be made up by censorship and parents guidance carefully.这里made up似乎用remedied更为合适，另外，建议去掉censorship，直接parental contral and guidance
human relationship, and social network association，应为interpersonal relationship，后面那个我不是很明白，感觉不太地道
not only a toy but also a tool，tool of what?
So there’s no reason to refuse television any more.其实你的观点也不是完全不refuse，而是带有control的给孩子看，所以不refuse似乎有点过
作者: agja4096 时间: 2010-5-24 01:18
楼主如果第一次写大作文
我觉得有冲6.5的希望
不过要注意几点细节
第一 审题 我同意楼上的同学们 题目有They believe that, by doing this, their children will spend the leisure time more creatively. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this decision?
楼主在举例看电视 positive方面时没提到creativity
第二 第二段和第一段过渡逻辑不清晰 不管正反 还是反正 加个让步状语连词 Admittedly 会好多吧
第三 第二段有点罗嗦不紧凑 没亮点 Limited by their understanding and experience, in most cases, children cannot judge what is good and what is bad. They may try to do those activities they saw in TV programs just for fun, without any idea of right or wrong. That’ll lead to many youth issues. But these disadvantages can be made up by censorship and parents guidance carefully.
其实能缩成一句长句 再加一句说 Some childern may even indulged themselves too much in the lifelike story on TV, thus the illusion will definitely confuse them to face the reality.