吸取tx们意见，不断改进中。。此为最新版<br />
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各位同学，我查了下overdrawn这个单词，原词是：<br />
overdraft，n. 透支；透支额 vt. 透支<br />
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An overdraft occurs when withdrawals from a bank account exceed the available balance. In this situation a person is said to be "overdrawn".<br />
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变成 overdrawn后：<br />
v. 透支；夸张；张拉过度（overdraw的过去分词）<br />
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adj. 1. 透支的2. 描述过分的，夸张的，夸大的<br />
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由此，之前把 overdrawn当成名词用是不对的，题目里是当过去分词用的。所以我把它们改成overdraft了。<br />
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Dear Sir,<br />
<br />
I would like to make a complaint about the bank statement I recently received from your bank. It states that I will be charged a $70 fee directly from my account for a $240 overdraft, which I believe is a mistake.<br />
<br />
I'm sure that I have never spent this $240 for anything as I have checked all my shopping receipts from this month which I usually collect everytime when I buying something in case of any further confusing. Besides, as you may refer to my bank record, I have had this account for a few years now and have kept excellent records upon using it.<br />
<br />
I am sure you will agree that this is a most unsatisfactory situation. Therefore, I hope you can investigate my complaint, and respond by the last day you have set for me to pay that $70. Or I will be insisting a full refund of that.<br />
<br />
Yours sincerely,<br />
<br />
Joe Jones<br />
<br />
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=======同样的题目，我家主申的作文【以下，已根据 clarkli 同学发来的整篇修改，大刀阔斧的修改过了！已经背离原著甚远。。。这篇分数应该高过6分了吧。。。经过clarkli同学的修改意见，把原来平实中文化的英语，变得学术了起来，膜拜~]
Druing recent month, I have never spend this $240 anywhere.
单复数，时态。
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-8 05:28
恩，应该用 spent
可以用recent month吗，我原意是想说最近的一个月。账单是按月出，所以我想说最近的一个月。
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-8 06:36
我注册了。。。贴了，暂时还没有人帮我改。。。等着。。。。
不行了，准备回去拍淘宝上的改作文和口语。。。。
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-8 14:11
5，很快。收到邮件，有人帮我改了。。学习中
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-8 20:44
Dear Sir,
I wish to make a complaint about the bank statement I recently received from you. It stated that you will be charging【这样可以吗？】 me $70 directly from my account for $240 overdrawn. I believe there is a mistake.
I have had this bank account for a few years now and have kept good records upon using it. I have never spent this $240 for anything in recent months. I'm sure of it especially after I checked all my shopping receipts from this month. I usually collect all my shopping receipts, so if there is anying confusing I can refer to them.
I am sure you will agree that this is a most unsatisfactory situation. Therefore, I request you to investigate my complaint, and respond by the last day you have set for me to pay that $70. Or I will be insisting【这样可以吗？】 a full refund of that.
Yours sincerely,
Joe Jones
[]
作者: 秋水伊人o 时间: 2010-8-9 00:16
建议LZ下次最好连题目一起放上来.
Dear Sir,
I wish to make a complaint about the bank statement I recently receivedfrom you. It stated that you will be charging【这样可以吗？】 me $70 directlyfrom my account for $240 overdrawn. I believe there is a mistake.
1.wish-->礼貌点的用would like to,语气直接的就用want
2.make ---> lodge
3.from you -->from your bank
4. It stated-->It states
5. It states that I was charged with a $70 fee for a $240 overdrawn.
6. 需要在第二句和最后一句间加连接词,这样语意会顺一点.
I have had this bank account for a few years now and have kept goodrecords upon using it. I have never spent this $240 for anything inrecent months. I'm sure of it especially after I checked all myshopping receipts from this month. I usually collect all my shoppingreceipts, so if there is anying confusing I can refer to them.
1.这一段有点乱,应该一开始就讲问题出在哪里.这样与上一段就接上了.然后再讲你的证据有多么可信.
2.第二句放在第一句前
3.have kept good records upon using it ---> have kept detailed records of all my banking activities.
4.第二句需要调整,语意表达比较不清.
5第三句开始就比较乱了.
I am sure you will agree that this is a most unsatisfactory situation.Therefore, I request you to investigate my complaint, and respond bythe last day you have set for me to pay that $70. Or I will beinsisting【这样可以吗？】 a full refund of that.
I have found the records during last two months（这句好奇怪...为啥用完成时） queried from the bank's website show obviously that my account has never been overdrawn, so does the online book store.
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-9 22:30
Dear Sir,
I would like to make a complaint about the bank statement I recently received from your bank. It states that I will be charged a $70 fee directly from my account for a $240 overdrawn, which I believe is a mistake.
2.make ---> lodge =>我搜了下，是控告的意思，make a complaint是抱怨的意思。这里抱怨合适点？
5. It states that I was charged with a $70 fee for a $240 overdrawn. =>之前没附上题目，题目里说的是将要charge，所以我理解是还没有charge。
I'm sure that I have never spent this $240 for anything as I have checked all my shopping receipts from this month which I usually collect everytime when I buying something in case of any further confusing. Besides, as you may refer to my bank record, I have had this account for a few years now and have kept excellent records upon using it.
I am sure you will agree that this is a most unsatisfactory situation. Therefore, I hope you can investigate my complaint, and respond by the last day you have set for me to pay that $70. Or I will be insisting a full refund of that.
Yours sincerely,
Joe Jones
[]
作者: 和平看客 时间: 2010-8-10 02:57
那两处可以那么用
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-10 10:09
的确，我看了下主申写的，感觉平和多了，我太sharp了。。。
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-10 19:42
谢谢，记到笔记里了。
作者: annieyang 时间: 2010-8-10 20:38
恩，同意。我竟然没改出来这个。。。。
谢谢你的comment，已经改了，在1楼，请阅~
[]
作者: kiujkcztsw 时间: 2010-8-11 06:36
看了一下第二篇的，觉的下面句子都有问题哦。。。
which I suspect might be a mistake
I have used this greatly served bank
I received a letter announced there was $240 overdrawn, as a consequence, I am demanded to pay $70 for it
I want to buy ...
but I failed to book them...
I have queried...
...website which show clearly that...
So I request you to...
I will appreciate ...
有不少Chinenglish，另外标点符号也需要注意，comma 和 full stop.
另外批改是 correct （+ion） 是不是正确些 ?
本人作文就5分水平啊，惭愧...
作者: 耀峰理财 时间: 2010-8-11 11:55
单数要有冠词定冠词，复数名词可以单独出现
最近一个月 就是上个月 就during the last month吧 免得研究了
第二句，为什么非要在数字前加一个 a 后面加一个 fee 呢？ 这句话确实很中文。
It stated that you will be charging【这样可以吗？】 me $70 directly from my account for $240 overdrawn. I believe there is a mistake.
没必要用超级复杂的时态。如果要用，也要确定用的合适。 流畅是 6分的基本标准。不会用复杂单词，复杂句，还不如用确保正确的简单短句，简单词汇。
献丑随便举个例子: It states that I will be charged $70 directely from my accout due to my $240 overdrawn this month.
a fee 比如 an adminstration fee 是可以的。
但是 a $70 fee....？？？ 听起来就很别扭
作者: 逆流而上2009 时间: 2010-8-16 11:35
有什么问题? $70 做定语,修饰fee. a $xx fee 或 a xxxxxxx fee 是很常见的, 可以去google一下,下面是从ANZ Bank 拿过来的一个例子
Q. Can I use my ANZ Access card overseas?
A. You will be able to use your ANZ access card in all ATM machines displaying the 'Cirrus' or 'Maestro' symbols. These symbols are also located on the reverse of your card for you to view.
To find your nearest ATM when travelling, please visit
http://www.mastercard.com/atmlocator/index.jsp
When using an ANZ card at an ATM overseas, a $5 fee applies per cash withdrawal.
In addition to this fee, there is a 2.5% foreign currency conversion fee.
When using EFTPOS with your ANZ card overseas, a $2 fee applies per transaction.
In addition to this fee, there is a 2.5% foreign currency conversion fee.
楼主的小作文应该属于Letters of Complaint的category. 是一种formal style的书信。
我现在也在学习准备下次的烤鸭，没啥好提供给楼主的建议，我就抄几段关于这种类型的书信的描述，我们一起进步哦。
A formal letter of complaint is written to complaint about a problem which has arisen (e.g. faulty merchandise, rude staff, inaccurate information, etc). It should explain the reasons for the complaint, and usually includes a suggestion/ request/ demand concerning what should be done ( e.g. refund, compensation, etc ).
Mild or strong language can be used depending on the wirter's feelings and the seriousness of the complaint, but abusive language must never be used.
e.g. Mild Complaint:
I am writing to complain about a factual error in yesterday's newspaper.
I hope that you will give this matter your prompt attention.
Strong Complaint:
I am writing to express my strong disapproval concerning the offensive behaviour of an employee at your company's Winchester Road branch.
I demand a full, written apology or I will be forced to take legal action.
formal style的书信，按照书上建议套用下面的方式比较合适：
Dear Sir/Madam,
...........
...........
...........
Yours faithfully,
full name