When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.
to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a better choice.
It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have been lasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling by horse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machine.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells us that advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a natural process. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made people move from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a person thousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. In another word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.
To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.
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作者: 不丹不丹不 时间: 2010-6-6 00:49
只看了第一段，提点意见，个人看法
fast可以用rapid代替
more and more可以用一个词代替，我忘记是什么词了囧，昨天刚在十天写作看到的，在写作中more and more显得略微松散，请参考十天写作day3词汇替代
作者: ntor8534 时间: 2010-6-6 01:22
听过了，感觉还不错啊，可能有点生硬有点紧张...不过，肯定说得比我连贯比我有条理的多...
发觉楼主的一些短语重用了几次...however\several month later
再次感叹口语看考官的，不过这个是在家多次练习的结果，考场发挥不知道如何
作者: 永不言弃 时间: 2010-6-6 06:56
sub表示下 tropical热带都认识，这时候就看词根猜词的技术了
作者: 泽马浪人 时间: 2010-6-6 12:35
谢谢！你说的是《十天突破雅思写作》这本书吗？
作者: 泽马浪人 时间: 2010-6-6 16:39
是啊，头一次录说到young men use fashion as culture carrier就卡住了，时间也没说够，就重录。没想到越重录越说不好，折腾了半天。
看来我的水平还停留在短句，简单词汇，反正能把意思表达清楚就成。再次觉得有必要找外教练练。
作者: 泽马浪人 时间: 2010-6-7 03:47
我根本就不认得这个词，结果直接给忽略过去了，写成northern and coastal
原句是 the south african ball-rolling species, being a sub-tropical beetle, prefers the climate of northern and coastal new south wales where....
IELTS TASK 2
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try[url=] [/url][1] to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to history may be a better choice.
It’s true that conventional skills and old life style have lasted for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example traveling by horse wagon, compared with modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machines.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and ways of life are relatively inefficient. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology[2] . History tells us that it is a natural process for [url=]new[/url][3] technology to [url=]replace[/url][4] the older technology[5] . Iron tools replaced stone, architecture replaced caves with houses. With paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore and the telephone facilitates a live conversation [6] thousands miles away. The evolution of technology is unavoidable and in this civilization only strongest survives.
To conclude, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.
Rating: 6
Suggestions: I like your arguments. There are some problems with vocabulary, unnecessary phrases and redundancy as indicated in the comments. There are only a couple of sentences that need to be re-ordered to make them easier to read.
[1]
RBW Jun 2, '10, 9:18 PM
[2]
Redundant - saying “beat” and “in the competition”.
[3]
By using “newer” you can contrast it with “older”.
[4]
You could say “replaces” or “supplants”
[5]
I moved this phrase to the front because it saves the reader from waiting to the end of the
[6]
Talk or conversation implies “with a person” so it is redundant to include the obvious… we hold conversations with persons.
原文如下：
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over the fading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. More and more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keep them alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a better choice.
It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have been lasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of our culture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling by horse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are more environment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, like those in arts, are not replaceable by machine.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negative effects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’re time consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why they cannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells us that advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a natural process. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made people move from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a person thousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. In another word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.
To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the right choice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate of dying out.
With the fast development of modern technology, the concerns over thefading-away of the traditional skills and life style have risen. Moreand more people argue that we should try the best to protect and keepthem alive. However leaving the decision to the history may be a betterchoice.
3.With the fast development --> With fast developments
4. the concerns 删去the
5.fading-away? 改成 the future of .....
6.其实第一句后半句应做适当的调整,如, the future of traditional skills and life style has raised concerns amongst a lot people.
7. 第二句前加时间,如 These days.
8. the best --> our best
9. keep them alive 的 them指代不清应改为 the traditional skills
10. 第三句应表达你同意/不同意的程度,这也是题目问的.
It’s true that those conventional skills and old life style have beenlasting for centuries. To some extent, they have become part of ourculture and hard to abandon. Some of them, for example travelling byhorse wagon, compared with the modern techniques, such as car, are moreenvironment-friendly. In addition, some of the unique skills, likethose in arts, are not replaceable by machine.
1.由于第一段没有亮出观点,这段一开始就接不上上文了.
2.不要随便用true/false, 语气过于肯定.
3.段落的第一句一般为中心句,然后用后面的句子做support, LZ的开头句观点不强,后面是很难展开的.
4.雅思写作,即使是G类也要求一定的academic English, 不要用过于口语化,语气不明显的词/句, 如to some extent.
5.第三句: 删some of them,直接用, For example 开头. 另外观点有点牵强
6.总体上因观点不清晰,supporting evidence 过于牵强.
Despite of all the mentioned advantages, we cannot deny their negativeeffects. Traditional skills and way of life are usually slow. They’retime consuming and not cost –effective. That’s the key reason why theycannot beat the new technology in the competition. The history tells usthat advanced technology drives away the elementary one is a naturalprocess. Iron tools replaced the stone one; architecture made peoplemove from the cave to house; with paper, we don’t need to write onleaves anymore; telephone facilitate the live talk with a personthousands miles away. The replacement is a fate and not avoidable. Inanother word, this is the civilization where only stronger survives.
1.LZ明显地想用比较的手法来做讨论,但由于第二段没有清晰地指出传统技术的优点,这段开头牵强了.
2.第二句语句有问题,应先讲tranditional skills费时,所以导致传统的生活模式效率不高. 后面就可以就此来谈了.
3.Academic writing 不要随便用缩写, they're --> they are
4.and 后加一个 are
5.第四,五句可以改为: As a result, traditional skills and the corresponding way of life are eliminated through the evolution of the society; while morden technology, which increases the efficiency of living, are favoured.
6.后面的开始乱了.
To conclude the debate, I believe that history will make the rightchoice. Only those that stand the test of time can escape the fate ofdying out.
There are concerns that the traditional skills and ways of life will fade away as they are replaced with new technologies. Should we protect the old ways as an important part of our heritage; or is it inevitable that they will die?.
Traditional skills and life styles have lasted for centuries. They have become a part of our cultural heritage that we are reluctant to abandon. Some of the older ways are more environmentally friendly. For example, horse-drawn wagons create less pollution than cars. In addition, some unique skills, like those in the arts, are not replaceable by machines.
Despite the advantages of traditional skills and ways of life ways, they are relatively inefficient, time consuming and not as cost–effective. This is the key reason why they are replaced.
The evolution of technology, new skills and lifestyles is unavoidable and it is a natural process for the new to replace the old. For example, iron tools replaced stone and houses replaced caves. With paper, we don’t need to write on leaves anymore and the telephone facilitates live conversations between people that are thousands miles apart.
To conclude, I believe that history will show that only those traditions, skills and ways of life that people cherish as part of their heritage will not die out.
写作的话，实际上雅思的写作很八股的，书店里去买几本书，例文多看看，理解一下他的结构，论证方式，论点以及各种连接词和转折方式的使用，这些在打分标准中的占两项（task completion, corespondence and coherence，好像是叫这两个），相对其他的两项（grammar & vocabulary），可以比较容易的通过后期的努力在短时间内加以提高，而不象词汇和语法需要长时间的积累。。。在这两项上争取拿到高分，离7分也就不太远了。
不过关于你的介绍信，我可以给你一些建议，那就是如果你要离职的话，千万记得提前开好介绍信，除非你今后还能找到在这个公司的人脉，不然就会变得很麻烦。。。介绍信一定要用公司抬头纸（有公司名字，地址，电话等信息）打印出来，详细列明你的任职时间，全职与否，职位，以及最重要的，至少要列出你的5条职责（duty and responsibility），这5条职责一定要与会计密切相关，不要写些什么要去跑市场啊之类的。。。这个信在评估阶段是不需要的，但是等你提交了申请，移民局是要以这个为标准来判断你过去是否从事的是会计相关工作的，所以千万不能马虎。。。