只有10天了，恐怕看甚小宜的那本10天作文冲刺也来不及纠正我跑题的老毛病了，求各路高人帮帮忙，看看我怎么改比较好。<br />
Topic 1： (剑桥6，TEST4)<br />
Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing.<br />
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.<br />
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The world we live in is changing every day regardless of our feeling. Facing the changing circumstances, some people prefer to keep their own life styles and refuse to make any modification in both job and life. Others, right at contrast, enjoy the process of change.<br />
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It is quite reasonable that people would like to keep a constant attitude to their job or life. People, indeed, may get themselves in trouble as the change always means possible risk. Immigration, for instance, could be an opportunity for those who have suffered a lot to succeed landing on a totally new country. Yet, it may also bring more unpredictable troubles including the language problem, cultural isolation and few job offer. Taking the job changing for another example, it may cost much time to adapt a new office atmosphere. Besides, you need to start a new career to cultivate the relationship with the new colleagues and superior who may be tough. Thus, basing on the belief to avoid risk as much as possible, some people live in a routine and foreseeable life and do a repeating job for a life time.<br />
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As a kind of poison to those routineer, however, risk inspires others who are willing to challenge themselves. They could achieve a great accomplishment in a completely new environment such as a new country or another company. They are ready to face every possibility which they may encounter in the future. For these people, a boring and formal life or job is imaginable. Therefore, they are not fearful at all when a change comes.<br />
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In my own opinion, change brings not only risk but also opportunity. We need to consider cautiously both sides when we have to make a decision. It will help us to make a correct and better choice by measuring the ratio of risk and the chance.<br />
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感觉词汇量很有限。结构也不知道怎么改进比较好。立意也没什么亮点……越写越没信心……<br />
求各位大牛指点迷津……<br />
不胜感激.......<br />
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作者: 乖乖善晨 时间: 2010-9-7 13:50
感觉有点混乱，举得例子罗嗦了点
作者: tiffadwquk 时间: 2010-9-8 01:33
LZ 的 底子并不差，至少语法问题不严重。 连接词用得还可以。只是在你可以改变修饰词汇的时候，有时候不太合理，容易导致误解。
比如： . “Immigration, for instance, could be an opportunity for those who have suffered a lot to succeed landing on a totally new country. ”
既然是 机会，怎么又是 for those suffered
2。段落的格式： 第三段要比第二段好， 因为范范的论述并不能成为观点，你说什么好，或者什么差，这样的句子都是没有力度的。你要明确说，什么在什么方面有什么积极影响，或者导致什么坏的结果。 你第二段的中心句可以是：“change always means possible risk”。 第一句可以删除。第三段观点还算清楚。
4。题目问 “your own opinion”。。。。最后一段的最后2句是你想说的 opionon 么？ 要用" I " 因为题目是 your own
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作者: 再是剑客 时间: 2010-9-8 06:52
LZ 的 底子并不差，至少语法问题不严重。 连接词用得还可以。只是在你可以改变修饰词汇的时候，有时候不太合理，容易导致误解。
比如： . “Immigration, for instance, could be an opportunity for those who have suffered a lot to succeed landing on a totally new country. ”
既然是 机会，怎么又是 for those suffered
2。段落的格式： 第三段要比第二段好， 因为范范的论述并不能成为观点，你说什么好，或者什么差，这样的句子都是没有力度的。你要明确说，什么在什么方面有什么积极影响，或者导致什么坏的结果。 你第二段的中心句可以是：“change always means possible risk”。 第一句可以删除。第三段观点还算清楚。