<strong>Some people say that students should work or travel a period of time before they go to the university. To what extent do agree or disagree?</strong><br />
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In contemporary society, more and more students choose a gap year to find job or go travelling before they go to university. Some people blame that gap year may has negative effects to students. However, I cannot agree with their thought. On the contrary, I believe that gap year can help students to learn a lot of things, which they cannot learn from university.<br />
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The advantages of gap year is obviously. In the first place, students can clearly know what they want to study in university through their own experiences in gap year. This is much better than they study without any target. In the second place, students will learn their major lesson more quickly if they have working experience in such factory. The knowledge in the book is just theory, which should combined with practical ability. For instance, if a student work for a car manufactory, he will get a good score in engine design. Finally, gap year will make youths more independent and mature. Gap year can let students know the society is so competitive that they should never treated themselves as children and no one will help you in such stressful circumstance. Therefor, who can deny the benefits of gap year ?<br />
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Admittedly, gap year is not suitable for all students. Some person worry about that students cannot resistant the bad influence because of their curiosity. However, it is not realistic that we do not support gap year according to these small drawbacks. If the students can be well guided by their parents and peers, I believe gap year will play a key role in students' education. <br />
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In conclusion, although some students may lost themselves because of gap year, I still believe that most students can get benefits from gap year. When students go back to university, they will find themselves totally different from they used to be. Yes, more confident and mature.<br />
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话题相对 简单 但是 我还有有几个问题 <br />
首先 我的字数 还是有问题 我刻意控制了 还是写了340+ 而且 我是在考卷纸上直接练习的 花了30分钟不到就写完了 <br />
其次 在我打字上网的时候 我做了点修改 考场里面的话 我肯定不可能那么大的改动了 。。 这个我很担心 <br />
希望各位猛拍～ 不求最猛 但求更猛，人生攻击尤佳 ～<br />
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修改后：<br />
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In contemporary society, more and more students choose to find a job or go travelling before they go to university. Some people blame that it may has negative effects to students. However, I cannot agree with them. On the contrary, I believe that working or traveling can help students to learn a lot of things, which they cannot learn from university.<br />
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Students can gain more money and experiences through working. Both part time job and full time job can provide students money and experiences. Students can use these money to buy books, stationary even car as preparation for their further study. More importantly, students' ability of tackle problems will be enhanced, which is very useful for students. <br />
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After a long time study in school, many youths need to relax. Traveling is a good way to relax students' bodies and ease their minds, furthermore it can broaden their horizons. According to a survey, 70 percents high school students in China have never been to other places. This phenomenon is so ironic. Students can learn the different cultural and customs, which enrich their knowledge.<br />
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Admittedly, students may develop some bad habits such as smoking, drinking and even drug addiction because of their ignorance and curiosity. When students working or traveling, many temptations waiting for them. However, if parents can give their children the good guidance, we can avoid students cultivating bad behavior. <br />
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In conclusion, although some students may lost themselves because their poor ability of self-control, I believe most of students can get benefits from working or traveling before they go to university.<br />
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作者: hdrq7479 时间: 2010-9-8 17:16
help students to learn a lot of things
to 不用加
The advantages of gap year is obviously -> are obvious
This is much better than they study without any target. -> than studying without any target.
which should combined with practical ability - 少了个be
Finally, gap year will make youths more independent and mature.
应该有maturerer这个词吧？不确定。。
that they should never treated themselves as children
treat的时态
Some person worry about that students cannot resistant
worry该用被动。resistant该用resist
although some students may lost themselves because of gap year
lost应该是lose
they will find themselves totally different from they used to be
加个what在from之后吧
1 用词：这篇文章相信考官看了会抓狂的。。。gap year 竟然出现 10 次之多，刚好平均2句 就重复一次。 虽然优点是使用了与题目不一样的，具有更归纳性的词组。 可是题目也提醒了。。gap year 是包括任何暂时离靠大学的经历，不一定是去实践，其实更多是去国外旅游或者 for exchange programe. 你文中偏重到工厂实践，那显然是不妥。
另外，尽量少用强迫读者认同的修饰词/表达，比如：obviously， who can deny the benefits of gap year ?
“Yes, more confident and mature”----这不是完整句子，这么明显的语法错误竟然出现在文章最后一句。通常那是给考官留下最后印象的一句。
2， 很明显的重复错误，段落结构不平衡。第二段比第三段 重很多。而且第二段又出现了排山倒海式sub-level 观点。泛泛的句子是不能当作中心句的，比如“The advantages of gap year is obviously.” 还有“Therefor, who can deny the benefits of gap year ?” ，“, gap year is not suitable for all students”。 所以第二段出现了3个次观点。这已经是前面几篇一直指出的多中心问题。
另外：gap year (also known as year abroad, year out, year off, deferred year, bridging year, time off and time out)
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作者: 浪无罪 时间: 2010-9-9 08:24
第二段应该展开来，可能分成几个小段比较好吧。论据太多，感觉应该就两三个点发挥一下，而不是每个点就说一句话。
用了in the first place，后面可以考虑用secondly, in addition, 等等，再用in the second place有点重复。
通常我比较喜欢用could，比较少用can，特别在不是在陈述事实的时候。
I still believe that most students could benefit from gap year
我也觉得一直用gap year怪怪的。题目中没出现的词，居然被你重复用了那么多次。
比较普通的做法是，在你第一次提出这个词的时候，做一下定义或说明。
我觉得就用些短一点的常用词就行了吧，比如In contemporary society我会用nowadays。
作者: avpr5578 时间: 2010-9-9 12:43
雅思大作文不单是要看结构和单词什么的,内容的逻辑性和文章的说服力也是很重要的.这篇文章行文不流畅,且存在过度结论,如"For instance, if a student work for a car manufactory, he will get a good score in engine design",这句话说的内容其实没有必然的前因后果的关系.
还有在我们写的议论文中,最好不要有所谓的"问句",通常只有权威性作者才有这个资格这样写.
In contemporary society, more and more students choose to find a job or go travelling before they go to university. Some parents worry their children would develop bad habits during that time. However, I cannot agree with them. On the contrary, I believe that working or traveling can allow students to learn a lot of things outside their books including practical skills and culture diversity.