Some people think high-school graduates should travel or work for a period of time before they go to university. To what extent do you agree?<br />
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Answer:<br />
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Educational issue is a never outdated topic of discussion. Now, let us focus on whether high-school graduates need tour or work for a period of time before they start their undergraduate days.<br />
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No doubt that travel and work can expand our vision and enrich our experience of occupation, live and how to deal with other people even how to tackle trouble. Especially, these experience are plenty important to the students who will take relevant majors in their universities.For instance, a student who has participated job as an electrician that he or she would be superior to his/her peers in the electronic course.<br />
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However, their advantages would just stay in which they have experienced, whereafter, they begin reveal their weaknesses. When a student is enjoying his/her travel or repairing a damaged car, his/her peers are memorising equations in a maths class. That maybe create a gap of basic education between he/she and his/her peers. On the other hand, during their travelling or occupational time, they would be in trouble. Which, some terrible things could traumatize them at an early age. As a consequence, when they graduate from university, they would not more outstanding than their peers.<br />
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Speaking for myself, the tertiary-level education is a approach to the students' career life and play a crucial role in their future. Students' grasp of what has been taught is a sword that they can wield to confront challenge. Further more, Students can earn the experience of travel or work on their summer vacation and winter vacation rather than spend their school time.<br />
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今天花了一小时左右写的，包括自检时间，把能改的差不多改过了。顺便问一下，估计就这样的文章能拿几分呢？<br />
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1. 使用了不少高级词汇，但是一些基础词汇的使用仍不准确，如最后一句的spend，‘rather than spend their school time.’， 这句话我其实没有读懂。
2. 语法小错不断，如主谓一致，如‘plenty important ’等等，基础语法还需要加强
3.逻辑比较混乱
4. 连贯性也不好
词不在深,达意即可. 太追求难词新词反而容易超出自己的控制能力往往容易导致失分
望lz在基础上多下点功夫,少犯小错误一定可以拿到更好的成绩.拿最后一段来说,和结构与内容相比,语法错误可能更影响最后的评分.
Speaking for myself, the tertiary-level(一般不加) education is an approach to the students' careers life (去掉)and plays a crucial role in their future. Students' grasp of what has been taught is a sword that they can wield to confront challenge. Further more Furthermore, Students can earn the experience of traveling or work on their summer vacations and winter vacations rather than instead of spending their time in school.
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作者: 杨柳飘逸 时间: 2010-11-30 05:08
如果是练习的话，可以先练好introduction。
e.g.
Education is not everything about school activities. Travel or work experiences can direct a school leaver in what area he or she is to receive tertiary education, though they may play a superficial role sometimes.
...rather than... 意思是：...而不是...
是十天作文里的高分词汇，和instead of用法类似，但更高级点。
eg: condemn rather than condone sth. 谴责而不是去容忍...
we should condemn rather than condone deforestation
不好意思,之前因为没太看懂这句话顺手改了. rather than应该可以,但是spend school time的用法需要改.
祝lz取得好成绩
作者: nmwdop749n 时间: 2010-12-2 06:26
再提另一点意见，这个隐藏的比较深所以好像很少有人注意到，但是这是个很关键的给分点。题目上说的是travel or work for a period of time before they go to university，而lz阁下的作文里有三个句子/分句：“When a student is enjoying his/her travel or repairing a damaged car, his/her peers are memorising equations in a maths class.” “when they graduate from university, they would not more outstanding than their peers.” 和 “Students can earn the experience of travel or work on their summer vacation and winter vacation rather than spend their school time.” 这三句话都是同时期的打工的学生和入学的学生的比较，给人的感觉是作者认为打工就会导致部分课程的缺席，是“打工而少上学”而非“先打工后上学”。而这是和题目不相符合的。如果考官遇到这样的句子，轻则判为语句有歧义而导致逻辑性失分，重则判为跑题，直接划到5分以下了……所以这个问题专门提出来，希望lz阁下注意
语法/单词先暂时不提，先来看看结构的灵魂： 首段，末尾。
题目是问：“To what extent do you agree”
再看你的首段：
“Educational issue is a never outdated topic of discussion. (与教学有关的issue 多着呢 ？请具体指出什么issue。这是一个空乏的句子，而且用法还不当： topic [ for] discussion. 通常开头最好是单刀直入，哪怕是换个法子，复述题目所叙述的background)
Now, let us focus on whether high-school graduates need tour or work for a period of time before they start their undergraduate days.”
（叙述完background,回到题目本身：问的是你在多少程度上赞成****， 可是你的重点却是： 让咱们来讨论***是否应当。所以我问：你扣题了吗？）
最后一段：究竟你回答了：To what extent do you agree 没有？ 毫无侧重的列举观点让人不知所云。要知道最后一段也是最后给读者/考官留下印象的一段。最重要的是，我无法把你最后一段所列举的观点与文中第二第三句的“潜在”中心 一一对应起来。
关于主干的机构：
第二段第一句话就跟不规则的石头的堆砌物——中心不突出。 没有总结句，让人无法扣住第二段的实际中心。
第三段：“However, their advantages would just stay in which they have experienced, whereafter, they begin reveal their weaknesses. ”又是一句空乏的句子，究竟是什么 advantage 什么 weakness 请用准确的单词明确指出---你可以认为这是显示你词汇掌握的时候了。最后“可能的”总结句“when they graduate from university, they would not more outstanding than their peers”。。Why？究竟会是什么：trouble，terrible things ？ 这次都太空乏了。请明确列出。
There are more problem with students' behaviour in many countries. What are the causes and what are your solutions?
write at least 250 words
Answer:
It is not uncommonly that some of students severely violate discipline in some countries, even the incidence of juvenile delinquency is increasingly high. In my opinion, some factors probably could cause this phenomenon.
Currently, increasing publication and movies are inundated with violent and pornographic contents, which could lead students to simulate what they have watched. Underage students have not enough ability to control themselves or to know whether it is right or not. Likewise, the domestic violence is the same dangerous "teaching material" to afflict children with frustration, misery and loneliness. As a result of it, children would treated other peers like what they has been seen, even if not so, they would be accompanied by the burden of gloomy childhood memories in their lives.
Therefore, in my view, we could take steps to reduce these phenomenoa to the limit. For the sake of that we necessitate the force not only government but parents to make a concerted effort to improve the current circumstance of children's growth. The authorities could make some strictly legislation against gratuitous violent and pornographic contents to minor, as well as the laws against domestic violence. In terms of household, parents should take more time off for their children and guide rather than punish them when they committed a mischief.
In conclusion, youngster are, by nature, undeveloped、innocent and pure, sometimes they are just the passive receptacles of predigested ideas. It is guidance and care that can lead them to the correct ways. We should give priority to improve the phenomenon because they are our children at present and they are our future as well.
你用了很多生僻单词很可惜用法并不怎么恰当，而且往往把该用名词的变动词，该用动词的变名词。
e.g.“It is not uncommonly ” 不绕口么？ 为什么不简单点： It is commonly believed that , 正确与否是用 “tell” 的
“which could lead students to simulate what they have watched.” 原句翻译： XXXX 会导致学生们激发他们所看到的内容。。 修改： which could influence children's negative behaviour。
如果只要求6分，建议踏踏实实地使用 熟练掌握的词汇。
“As a result of it, children would treated other peers like what they has been seen” 后面句子独立。请用句号/分号；
修改：“######### would treat other peers in a way ” they have learned from media”
"they would be accompanied by the burden of gloomy childhood memories in their lives" why? 逻辑问题。