大作文习作一篇，请大家狠批，目标6分 <span></span> <br />
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Q:<br />
Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have made the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?<br />
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A:<br />
The fundamental social services are provided more and more by third party companies in nowadays. These private companies participate not only in services like heating, petrol and transportation but also play an increasingly crucial role in some services which provided by states before, especially in people’s basic needs like heath care. However, some people argue that private health services cost too much money for ordinary people. In patience’s perspective, I believe it is a positive development.<br />
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To be recovered is unarguably one of the most important demand of patients and their families. They expect the hospital has more experienced doctors and nurses, better hi-tech medical facilities and more comfortable sickrooms. Compares to the public hospital, private company has better understanding of what patients need since they are faced with the keen competition in the market. Furthermore, the public hospital would also provide better services to keep the amount of customers if more private companies involve in this industry. As a result, people can select the most suitable health service they want.<br />
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Meanwhile, it is worth mentioning that the private health service is not cheap. By using the modern medical facilities, many ordinary individuals may not be able to afford the cost. Nevertheless, the public hospitals are stimulated by the competition of private companies to provide high quality services. In this way, the ordinary people can also be served with lower cost.<br />
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In the light of these facts, one can conclude that the private health care is a positive evolution of medical industry. It gives patients more choices and contributes a healthy medical market.
作者: lzngtet0d 时间: 2010-12-30 11:07
作者: Shiefinnagnig 时间: 2010-12-30 19:29
写的挺好的 目标几啊??
not only 是不是应该移到participate前啊
作者: 21e9a1v1a 时间: 2010-12-31 06:00
A. "one of the most important demand"
demand需不需要+个s?
B. "Compares to the public hospital, private company has better understanding of"
Change "Compares" to Comparing will be better.
C."if more private companies involve in this industry"
Change "involve" to involved.
D."the public hospitals are stimulated by the competition of private companies to provide high quality services"
我分不清主谓宾了。我觉得应该是：
The public hospitals stimulated by the competition of private companies will provide higher quality services.
另外还有一处the public hospital 应该+个s吧。
以上愚见。我也在烤鸭。。
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作者: 8c22o46ko 时间: 2010-12-31 16:41
楼上的，我看你在我那里老晃悠，没事帮我也评评作文啊。
作者: 蔚蓝色的回忆 时间: 2011-1-1 04:31
No problem and it's my pleasure.
All of us will be benefit from mutual dicussion.