这次写得比较八股，但是感觉语言组织下降了<br />
Some people think children should attend extra classes after school, others disagree. Discuss both opinion and give your own view.<br />
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It is not uncommon these days that children join extra classes after school. The impact of this phenomenon on children could have both positive and negative sides.<br />
Parents send their children to classes after school, hoping they could benefit from the classes and indeed, they could. Some kids who are not doing well at school could improve obviously through attending extra classes. As these classes are usually quite small or even they offer one on one teaching, so it is possible to specified in the weak part of students. As a result, children could learn efficiently in this way. Furthermore, a large proportion of these extra classes is about helping children to learn and develop their interest in leisure activities, such as music, sports and art. Attending these classes helps to shape children’s personality in a good way and children could also have fun and relax during these classes.<br />
On the other hand, attending extra classes also have detrimental effects on children. Some students might think if they do not study after school as much as their peers do, they will fall behind. Consequently, they take more and more extra classes until their spare time being monopolized by such classes and their lives become stressful as adults’. Also, it is often parents’ decision which class their kids should attend, rather than children’s interest. This may end up children studying what they do not really like.<br />
In conclusion, I believe it is a good thing for children to join classes they are truly interested after school, but also they should have enough leisure time.<br />
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作者: tbyg1865 时间: 2011-1-4 07:08
It is not uncommon 以前我也喜欢这样表达，看到3WU老师的点评，这种双重否定可能需要斟酌一下。
a large proportion of these extra classes isare about helping children to learn and develop their interests in leisure activities.interest作为兴趣来运用的话是可数名词. a large proportion of 后跟复数名词用are,单数名词用is
rather than children’s interests.
children 用太多 kids只看到一个，差开来用可能好一点。没办法，谁让老外小孩的同义词太少 young one不敢用，目前不知道是不是口语化
整篇结构不错，语法大的问题可能是我没发现，比我写得好。