3.19考试，真诚希望各位提出意见，好听难听，俺一定虚心接受：）<br />
系列之1<br />
You have just obtained a new job. However, you are unable to get to work on time. Write a letter to your boss, explaining the situation and asking whether there is possibility of your starting work the other day.<br />
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Dear Mr. Smith,<br />
I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.<br />
I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no other rooms for her. So I have to spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week. <br />
I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.<br />
Yours sincerely,<br />
<br />
[]
作者: 孤虫的思想 时间: 2011-3-7 16:36
拙见，最后一句， appreciate 用法不对：
Your consideration will be highly appreciated if you could grant my request and send me a reply at your earliest convenience.
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-8 03:49
高人，正中要点，非常感谢哈：）
作者: 且行 时间: 2011-3-8 07:21
I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago
gets应该过去时吧
a weeks：单复数
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-8 17:09
对对对，这俺都搞错了，谢谢：）
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-8 22:07
I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.
I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no other rooms for her. So I have to spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
总结下各位的点批，的确发现了不少问题，受益非浅啊！
btw，俺的作文是不是太口语化了呢？
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作者: 佛眼看商 时间: 2011-3-9 08:26
Dear Mr. Smith,
I am (1)a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. (2)According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.
I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. (3)But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, (4)that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no (5)other rooms for her. So I have to (6)spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it (7)will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
我的水平也就一般，说点我自己感觉有问题的地方，不能保证正确，仅供参考啊。
(1).我感觉这里应该用the，因为你要请假的这个人应该是知道你的情况的，a应该用在对一个对你完全陌生的人介绍情况的时候
(2).I will be there for working on next Wednesday，这个我感觉不是很地道，如果是我的话我会写I'm supposed to start working next Monday / I was expected to start working next Monday.
(3).我觉得But这个分句应该拿掉，不然觉得进入主题太慢了，不符合西方人的思维方式
(4).that is后面跟一个完整的简单句这种状况我感觉有点不对劲，但是我也说不清楚怎么改好
(5).other应该去掉吧
(6).据说是没有spend some time to do sth的说法的，建议改成spend some time on finding...
(7).我感觉impossible放在这有点太大或者说太强烈了，如果是我的话会写I might not be able to ...，另外后面的第一个my应该是me，打错字了吧大概是。还有my work我感觉应该是指某一件分配给你的具体工作，建议改成begin working。最后的right time不合适，建议改称scheduled time或者as scheduled/as planned.
求批G类Task1作文之2，先再次感谢上面各位老大。
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You are now studying in an English-speaking country. You find it inconvenient and uncomfortable to live in your dorm. Now write a letter to the school authorities to complain about it, explaining the situation and expressing your suggestions as to the improvement on the situation
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am an overseas student coming from China and I enjoy the campus life very much but also find some problems with my accommodation, so I am writing you to express my suggestions.
As mentioned above, I am not a native English speaker. I really want to know more English culture and melt myself into the campus environment. So it will be much better for me to living with some students who speak English, but I am disappointed to find that all of other students in my dorm come aboard too. Because they do not speak English well and so do I, it is inconvenient and uncomfortable for us to chat and know well each other. If the school can think more about the situation and take some actions to make better arrangement of our accommodation, such as arranging some native students and non-native students living in a same dorm, it will greatly improve our familiarity with English culture and friendship because there are bridges which can connect students each other coming different countries.
Thank you for your attention and it will be greatly appreciated if you can kindly consider my suggestions.
Yours sincerely,
[]
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-10 07:51
You bought a walkman at the duty-free shop of the airport. However, after you arrived home, you were disappointed to find that it was out of order. Write a letter to the shop to explain your problem with the Walkman and request them to solve the problem.
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Dear Madam or Sir,
I just bought a walkman at your shop 2 days ago, but it has stopped working now. So I am writing you and hope that you can exchange a new one for me because it is still in the warranty period.
The type of the walkman I bought is DCS 101. Because it was packed well and has never been opened, so I didn't check whether there are something wrong with all the functions on the spot. But when I came back home and opened the package, I found that the one of the buttons is out of order. According to the terms of warranty, I have rights to request the seller to exchange a new machine without paying one cent. Now I attach the machine and receipt with my letter and expect that you can handle my issue properly.
Thank you in advance. It will be greatly appreciated if you can process my request at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
作者: jtjhua9422 时间: 2011-3-10 15:24
Dear Madam or Sir,
I just bought a walkman at your shop 2 days ago, (1)but it has stopped working now. (2)So I am writing you and hope that you can exchange a new one for me (3)because it is still in the warranty period.
The type of the walkman I bought is (4)DCS 101. (5)Because it was packed well and has never been opened, so I didn't check whether (6)there are something wrong with all the functions on the spot. But when I came back home and opened the package, I found that (7)the one of the buttons is out of order. According to the terms of warranty, (8)I have rights to request the seller to exchange a new machine without paying one cent. (9)Now I attach the machine and receipt with my letter and expect that you can handle my issue properly.
Thank you in advance. It will be greatly appreciated if you can process my request at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
(1).stopped working意味着曾经work过，这和题目以及你的第二段中描述的买来就是坏的是相冲突的，另外考虑到你后面说的是某一个按键坏了，那么情况就还不到整机都doesn't work那么糟，建议改成but it was broken.
(2).这一句建议放在全文第一句的位置上。Honestly，我不确定你这样写好不好，不过这种退换信的范文大多数起手都是I am writing ...所以我想最好还是照章办事放在前面比较好。另外这也符合西方人不搞前戏直奔主题的思维方式。最后，I am writing to you，少了个to
(3).这个地方仍然是我拿不准但是感觉别扭的：买到残次品要求退还和warranty好像不是一个范畴的，因为一般包退换是商店的义务，保修的就是厂商了，所以我不确定这里你引用warranty的条款是不是正确
(4).为了看起来更真实一些我一般都会写个日本牌子，桀桀桀。当然不写牌子肯定不是错误，就是提一句而已
(5).because和so出现在同一个因果关系的两个分句里是不恰当的用法，这里建议删掉后面的so
(6).语法角度来说正确的写法应该是there is anything wrong with...而从语义角度我建议把there is部分去掉，直接就didn't check any of the functions，因为你说了你不想拆包装嘛，那自然就不是“没有全面检查”而是“什么都没检查”了
(7).one前面的the是不应该加上的
(8).这一句风格太硬朗了……和上下文的谦和作风完全不一致，尤其是最后那个without paying a cent，感觉简直是吵架用词。简单的说for free就好了
(9).这里……你说我吹毛求疵也好，心理阴暗也好，反正如果你把货和发票都寄给店家，那就意味着你完全没有你购买了这件商品的凭证了，人家直接不理你，就当这单生意没做过，把你的货款吞了，你一点办法都没有……所以你要不要考虑一下receipt就别寄了？……
以上，仍然是一家之言，采纳有风险，修改需谨慎
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-10 21:07
You are going to London and stay there for about one week. You plan to spend two days visiting the London Library. Because you are now studying a project and want to do some background study. Write a letter to the library chief telling your intention and ask whether it is possible. You hope to receive a response.
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Dear Madam or Sir,
I am a researcher coming from China. Because of project researching, I need to refer to some materials in the London Library. I am writing you to request some questions related to visiting the London Library.
I am studying a project now, before I can go further into researching I need some knowledge for my background study which can be proved by the materials that only exist in the London Library. I will arrive in London on March 11 and stay for one week, and I am supposed to keep 2 days for studying the materials. So, would you like to tell me please if it is possible for a foreigner like me to use the library and What days will be available for me to visit and what I should prepare in advance for my visiting?
Thank you very much for your attention. It will be highly appreciated if you can give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
XXX
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作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-11 08:24
真是有劳jimrarnor0同学了，能看出来批的非常细心和非常认真，很多地方都提的非常好，谢谢啊
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-11 12:22
不好意思问您一下，您说您的材料寄错地方，是地址写错了还是怎么了呢？我看网上不少人都因为地址出问题了，难道不是按照acs网站的地址（PO Box Q534
Queen Victoria Building
Sydney NSW 1230
Australia
）来邮寄的嘛？我的公证还没整好，时间不多，小心为妙：）
作者: kimeking 时间: 2011-3-11 19:07
Dear Mr. Smith,
I am THE new employee who just GOT the offer a week ago. AS THE CONTRACT REQUIRED, I NEED TO START working on next Wednesday. But RIGHT NOW I HAVE SOME PERSONAL ISSUES TO DEAL WITH and I HOPE YOU COULD DO ME A FAVOR BY ALLOWING ME TO POSTPONE MY ON-BOARD DAY.
I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. My landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no rooms for her. I have to spend several days to find a new place before I BECOME HOMELESS. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay THE SCHEDULE , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
I REALLY appreciate if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,
俺的版本
I am extremely pleased to hear from your letter of offering me the position of project manager in your company, which I have dreamed about for a long time. I am looking forward to plunging ahead with you soon.
In the offer letter, I am supposed to enroll on May, 11th 2011. Nevertheless, I am attending an IELTS course which start on April, 1st and will be finished on May, 15th. The reason why I am preparing IELTS is that I am big fan of English. In addition, on account of my poor English, I hold the view that it is essential for me to attend English course to improve my English before I begin to work in your foreign-funded company.
Because the courses are all held in day time from 9 o'clock to 16 o'clock, I concern whether you could make it later. I would be grateful if you could be so kind enough to grant my request.
Thank you for your kind assistance. I am looking forward to your reply.
Best wishes!
Marco
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-12 19:25
让上面的几个老大帮你改吧，俺的也是他们改的，不好意思班门弄斧啊，而且他们还没帮俺修改第四篇呢，
作者: nynys941 时间: 2011-3-12 20:22
BTW, 你也是在看环球雅思的培训资料吧，嘿嘿
作者: Thishificiart 时间: 2011-3-13 07:43
不好意思，今天有活了，不能改啦
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 09:28
我看的是网上下载的资料（里面的页眉写着By Tony Sun 孙肇春），实在是舍不得花钱报名参加培训，嘿嘿嘿。
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 14:24
You live on a beautiful island. Now write a letter to friend to invite him to pay a visit. You should describe the beautiful things worth seeing on the island.
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Dear John,
I am writing you to invite you to have a trip to the island I live on for I do want to share something with you.
If I do not tell you something about the island, maybe you can hardly imagine how beautiful the place is. The island is the result of a volcano erupting happened thousands of years ago and just has been cultivated no more than 200 years, so there are few human marks which can be commonly seen in other places. The crystal clean water, the cute turtles and the colorful corals, even the eruption, will impress you and leave you a wonderful and unforgettable vacation if you can take several days to have a visiting. I really hope that you can visit the island and I will prepare everything for you before you arrive.
Just plan the schedule please and I am waiting for you here. It will be my pleasure to see you on the island.
Yours sincerely,
XXX
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 16:25
2009年11月7日雅思机经G类，G类写作TASK1 你借了你朋友一件东西去参加PARTY，但是把东西搞坏了。现在写封信去道歉，然后说明你是怎么弄坏它的。你准备怎么做?
Dear John,
I am sorry to say that I have made a stupid mistake that your car was crashed on my way home after the party.
Leaving from the party on Wednesday night, I drove your car carefully and slowly with my friends. When we stopped to wait to pass some intersection in the front of the red light, a car behind us rushed to the right quickly and hit your car heavily. Before we can stop that car, it was far away where we can get. The left front light of your car is broken and out of working. Now I have put it in a repairing shop to wait for fixing, the staff tell me that they don't have any backup lights at present, so I have to postpone returning the car to you for more 3 days before it was fixed.
Again , I am really sorry for making your car broken. Forgive me for what I have done to you please.
Your sincerely,
XXX
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作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 17:44
Task 1: Write a reference letter for your friend to work with foreign teenagers. Describe his or her character and why you recommend him or her.
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Dear Madam or Sir,
I am a friend of Mike and we have known one another for more than 10 years. Regarding his excellent ability of getting along with adolescents and fluent English, I think he is a suitable candidate for work like that.
Since graduating from teaching college, Mike have been working as a English teacher in the local high school - Zhaoyi High School for 5 years. Because of his hard working and patience with others, he won the Most Respectable Teacher title which resulted from the voting of students and the staff' 5 times. That made him the first teacher who got the title every year in that school. He also worked as an exchange teacher in South Africa for 3 months last year. I think if he can have a chance to work with foreign teenagers, he will behave wonderfully without letting them down.
Thank you for your attention. If you have any inquiries about the letter, feel free to contact me at [email protected] or (086)12345678901 please.
Yours sincerely,
xxx
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作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 18:39
Task 1: Write a letter to apply for a position in a local department store. In the description you should include the following items: 1) what is the position? 2) your experience and related ability.
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am very interested in exploring the possibility of obtaining the position of sales manager advertised in the Daily Newspaper by your department store.
I have been working as a sales manager in Marry Mall which is a well-known mall of Beijing for more than 6years from 2005. My responsibilities in the mall included making sales plans, managing salesmen and customers relationship effectively. Under my leadership, our sales team won the Annual Best Sales Champion title 5 times in the last 6 years, though it had never got the title before I took over the position. I noticed the position you offered is really like the position that I held in the Marry Mall. Despite that I think it will be more challenging, I am all ready for that.
Thank you for your attention and it will be appreciated if you can give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience or a chance to have a conversation with you.
作者: 121779 时间: 2011-3-13 23:08
Task1: Write a letter to the boss of a restaurant to reserve a room for a friend to celebrate his birthday. The letter should include the reason to write the letter, the requirement of flat and your specific service.
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am writing you to inquire whether there are any rooms and services available for us to have a birthday party.
We are expecting to hold a birthday party for a friend from 7 pm to 12 pm at next Saturday night. Because your restaurant is famous for its excellent services and delicious foods, it will be an unforgettable birthday to my friend if we can celebrate the party in such restaurant. We need a large exclusive room which can accommodate all our friends with an attendance of about 12 persons. It would be much better if the room is equipped with singing and dancing facilities. Before making a reservation, we hope we can review your menu to pick up some suitable courses in advance for our special stomach. If possible, we want to bring drinks by ourselves for they are special and can't be bought from the local.
It will be appreciated if you can send me your menu and quotation. I am looking forward to receiving a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.