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标题: 大家帮我看看ielts写作吧,a类的 [打印本页]

作者: 爱喝咖啡的包子    时间: 2011-3-7 04:52
标题: 大家帮我看看ielts写作吧,a类的


<strong>Some people think schools should group pupils according to their academic ability, <br />
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but others believe pupils with different abilities should be educated together. Discuss both views and give your opinion.</strong><br />
是A类考试的题目。帮忙修改一下啦,多谢。<br />
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In&nbsp;&nbsp;recent years, it has a great development of education in our society. However, many people have different ideas in education pattern whether the students who have different academic ability should be separated into different classed to teach. In my opinion, children have the equal social right to receive the same education, especially when they are in primary schools and junior high schools provided by nation.<br />
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Those who hold the opinion of insisting students be educated together said each child was born equally and they have the right to receive coequal education state provide, which is recorded in the national law. Also, grouping the students by academic ability will hurt the children's proper pride, and if those children are separated into low academic ability group, they will be treated distinctively and laughed by other children. In addition, many famous scientists and respectable politicians have been grew in the common classes. For instance, Albert Einstein was considered a stupid boy when he was pretty young, but eventually he became the most famous physicist in the last century.<br />
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But, other people argue that it is a piece of cake to grasp the common knowledge for smart students, and they should not waste time on learning simple knowledge. If a student can master the knowledge in short time, then it is not necessary to spend more time on the subjects. Yet, they are not conscious that high academic ability group probably become ego and boastful and can not concentrate on studying any more.<br />
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To sum up, I suppose that it is better to educate students together, which will no affect smart students to become elites.




作者: 随风西行2009    时间: 2011-3-7 10:19


who have different academic ability should be separated into different classed to teach&nbsp;&nbsp;感觉太绕
who have different academic ability should be taught in different classes sperately.

especially when they are in primary schools and junior high schools provided by nation.&nbsp;&nbsp;感觉by nation多余了吧?

Those who hold the opinion of insisting.... said ,hold/insisting 时不时有点重复了? holde the opinion that.. 或者 insist that ..&nbsp;&nbsp;said是笔误? say?

born equally and they have , and 修改为 therefore 时不时好些?

state provide, 时不时有点多余?

which is recorded in the national law, recorded in law?这种说法没听说过

Albert Einstein was considered a stupid&nbsp;&nbsp;,consiered as a ...

结论好像没有前文的支撑



作者: 福然d00    时间: 2011-3-7 16:24


二楼详细的指出了一些不恰当的句子
我也觉得楼主似乎为了句子比较长 绕来绕去的
反而增加了阅读的难度

列一下你的结构

第一段复述题目
两方观点都提到
没有表达倾向性

第二段论述教育孩子不分类别
第一句 孩子天生平等 应该得到同样教育
第二句 按照孩子能力分开教育&nbsp;&nbsp;会伤害孩子的自尊
第三局 很多名人都是普通班出来的
第四局 举例 爱因斯坦小时候被认为是弱智

第三段论述教育孩子按照能力分类
第一句 聪明的孩子没必要学简单的基础知识
第二句 重复
第三句 没看明白

第四段 结论 支持不分类教育
仔细想一下
整个逻辑关系有些牵强
打个比方我追问一下
为什么一些名人是普通班毕业的
就能说明不分类的教育更好

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作者: 我心伤痛    时间: 2011-3-8 03:24


抛开句子写法和用词的问题
我觉得最大的问题是
语义不连贯 承接不自然
看这一句 完全猜不到你下一句是要褒还是贬

如果打定主意 支持不分类教育的观点
如果是我写

第一段 出了复述题干
两方观点都提
最后写一句自己的倾向
阅卷人心里有准备&nbsp;&nbsp;接下来要写的是支持哪方为主

第二段 写支持的观点
不分类教育有助于对孩子基础技能的培养 论据or 举例
心理健康 论据or举例

第三段 让步 写不支持的观点
当然了 分类教育也是有好处滴
分类教育有助于培养精英 论据or 举例
有助于培养竞争意识 论据or 举例

第四段 结论
不分类教育好处多,所以支持。分类教育也有可以借鉴之处,升华一下不分类教育,展望。

中间两段次序可以颠倒
楼主还是多看一下范文
哪怕不看额外的书
剑桥真题的范文都有收获

虽然俺作文纠结了半年
成绩也平平
但是临睡前还是认真的回了帖
洗洗睡了
祝楼主每天都进步



作者: 爱喝咖啡的包子    时间: 2011-3-8 11:49


多谢指导啊。 不过有的人认为在第三段时,是先写一点分类教育的好处,接着写出分类教育的坏处。所以就是说第二段是支持不分类教育,第三段是指出分类教育的缺点。








作者: 爱喝咖啡的包子    时间: 2011-3-8 21:40


这两句我是跟剑桥范文学的呀









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