截止目前已经考过4次雅思了,前后准备也已经一年多,但是作文成绩没超过5.5分,眼看7.1大界将至,心急如焚,决定通过论坛的方式督促自己每天坚持练笔,离3月19号的第五次雅思仅剩19天,因此我决定每天写一篇贴到论坛来,希望各位前辈同仁帮忙修改指正.<br />
这是第一篇,立帖明志. 希望大家多多帮忙,先谢过了.<br />
<br />
Writing1(2011-02-27)<br />
<strong>Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few month of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.</strong><strong></strong><br />
<br />
In current society, an increasing number of people choose temporary jobs with an aim to enjoy their spare time as much as they can. Admittedly, temporary job can bring them more freedom, however, it also means risk in their daily life.<br />
<br />
Temporary jobs are able to bring many advantages. Firstly, there are only several months need to work, therefore, the left time can be used to do anything they are pleased to do. Especially for the one who likes travelling can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job. Secondly, you never need to worry about whether this job suits you or not, because you will just stay here for a limited period. You will enjoy it if you like it, otherwise you just need bear to get travelling expenses before leaving here. Obviously, in this situation you are the real master of job.<br />
<br />
Admittedly, the income of temporary job is less than the long-term one, especially in terms of bonus. Companies would like to pay higher bonus at the end of the year to encourage their employees for their hard-working and loyalty. On the other hand, the cost of training newcomers is so expensive and the business also needs to be developed continually. Therefore, at the same condition, it is more difficult for the one who prefer to temporary jobs to find a new job and to get a higher payment than others.<br />
<br />
In my opinion, whether temporary jobs should be chosen surely depends on what kind of lifestyle you want to pursue. Different people have different perspectives, just like fish living in the sea and horse running on the pasture. You cannot make the fish live on the pasture, and you also cannot force the tiger to eat grass.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, it is hard to say whether the merits of temporary jobs outnumber its demerit, and it depends on the personality and the character of a person.<br />
<br />
[]
作者: 月光媚 时间: 2011-2-28 08:49
lz
总觉得写的有点别扭~~如下仅仅是个人意见，供参考
Admittedly, temporary job can bring them more freedom, FREEDOM用的太别扭了~~
with an aim to enjoy their spare time as much as they can. 临工的就是为了更好的享受空闲时间？？
个人觉得你想论述的是临时的工作会有更多的空余时间去支配，但是这么写的话，似乎意思有偏颇~~
作者: 旁边小区 时间: 2011-2-28 18:45
大概看了下，首先你要阐述自己的观点，你认为是好还是坏或是一半一半，然后用下面的段落来支持你的观点。
另外，在写作里不要用“you”，最好用some people和they
最后由始至终你都没有说你的观点，只是说depends on
说实话，这个文章没有6分不意外 希望LZ别介意
怎么解决问题 1 ：
1. 回头恶补最基础的语法，像这种句子‘there are only several months need to work【从句用法错误】’ 和‘Especially for the one who likes travelling can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job.【只有状语，没有主谓】’，以及‘it is more difficult for the one who prefer to temporary jobs 【从句主谓不一致】’，再也不要出现了，
2. 争取‘做到没见过的表达不要写，没把握的不要写’，那没东西写了怎么办？ 查字典（书上的或网上的）和例句。如，prefer的用法‘who prefer to temporary jobs’，如‘In current society’的提法，如‘at the same condition’，查查再写
至于问题2 ：我觉得比问题1还要严重，简直就是完全不符合雅思作文的写作要求。以下是我的一些看法
In current society, an increasing number of people choose temporary jobs with an aim to enjoy their spare time as much as they can. Admittedly, temporary job can bring them more freedom, however, it also means risk in their daily life. [开头段一般模式：背景介绍，问题的引入，明确提出我的观点]【你这里写的一塌糊涂】
Temporary jobs are able to bring many advantages. Firstly, there are only several months need to work, therefore, the left time can be used to do anything they are pleased to do. Especially for the one who likes travelling can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job. Secondly, you never need to worry about whether this job suits you or not, because you will just stay here for a limited period. You will enjoy it if you like it, otherwise you just need bear to get travelling expenses before leaving here. Obviously, in this situation you are the real master of job.
[主体段一般模式：对应开头段‘我的观点’，第一句为主题句，一定要对应或支持自己观点。接下来就是展开了]【由于开头段写的糟糕，没法将这段与开头段对应起来。不过单就这段而言，还算过得去，比较紧扣主题句】
Admittedly, the income of temporary job is less than the long-term one, especially in terms of bonus. Companies would like to pay higher bonus at the end of the year to encourage their employees for their hard-working and loyalty. On the other hand, the cost of training newcomers is so expensive and the business also needs to be developed continually. Therefore, at the same condition, it is more difficult for the one who prefer to temporary jobs to find a new job and to get a higher payment than others.
[主体段2：没有主题句或主题句写的不好，不能很好地概况到后面的阐述，这段是写缺点呢，还是照应开头段的‘risk in their daily life’呢？没有由主题句点出来]
In my opinion, whether temporary jobs should be chosen surely depends on what kind of lifestyle you want to pursue. Different people have different perspectives, just like fish living in the sea and horse running on the pasture. You cannot make the fish live on the pasture, and you also cannot force the tiger to eat grass. 【这一段是空话太多了，不如前面两段实际，学术文章讲究的是论证过程，不是空想。你必须要实实在在地支持自己观点。我认为这一段可以省去，然后把前面两个主体段写得再丰满一些】
In conclusion, it is hard to say whether the merits of temporary jobs outnumber its demerit, and it depends on the personality and the character of a person.【1.开头段和结尾段应该照应，这里写得太乱了，没法评论 2. 应该明确给出自己看法，如果你真的认为‘it depends on the personality and the character of a person’，应该在开头段就表明，然后用2到3个主体段论证自己的观点，切记要紧扣自己的观点，你可以说一段哪一类人适合做temporary jobs，原因有哪些，再说一段什么样的人不适合做temporary jobs，原因有哪些。只有这样才算符合学术类文章的要求，不能天马行空，不着边际。】
there are only several months need to work【从句用法错误】
这个错误怎么修改呢,我想了半天都没想出来.
和‘Especially for the one who likes travelling can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job.【只有状语，没有主谓】’
Especially for the one likes travelling,he can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job.
以及‘it is more difficult for the one who prefer to temporary jobs 【从句主谓不一致】’
it is more difficult for the one who prefers temporary jobs ..
请问,以上修改是不是正确.
作者: ovzq5050 时间: 2011-3-3 21:06
there are only several months need to work【从句用法错误】
这个错误怎么修改呢,我想了半天都没想出来.
-》1. there are only several months (that) casual workers need to work for
2. there are only several months to work for
3. there are only several months needed to work for
4. there are only several months required to work for
5. casual workers need to work for only several months.
6. casual workers only need to work for several months.
下面的句子之前的语法错应该改过来了。
和‘Especially for the one who likes travelling can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job.【只有状语，没有主谓】’
Especially for the one likes travelling,he can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job.
以及‘it is more difficult for the one who prefer to temporary jobs 【从句主谓不一致】’
it is more difficult for the one who prefers temporary jobs ..
[]
作者: 爬爬书虫 时间: 2011-3-4 03:14
lz 加油！共勉！
同是天涯烤鸭人
作者: HY0916whp98 时间: 2011-3-4 15:07
严重同意
作者: 自由听雪 时间: 2011-3-4 17:07
受益非浅，牛人！
作者: xyv8c5wyg 时间: 2011-3-5 02:17
三丫后为何没有复议？
失去一次4个6的机会。
不怕，3.19就过关了。
作者: to59ll21 时间: 2011-3-5 12:23
加油！坚持住。我已经连写了两个多月了。
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-5 21:12
重写昨天的题目,希望大家不吝赐教
Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few month of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
In modern society, an increasing number of people choose temporary jobs with a variety of reasons. However, whether the merits of temporary jobs outnumber its demerits has sparked heated debate. In my opinion, it is not advisable to draw an arbitrary conclusion, because it depends on the personality and character of a person.
Temporary jobs are really suitable for these who want to have more spare time to enjoy a more colorful and interesting life. To begin with, there are only several months that temporary workers need to work for, therefore, the left time can be used to do anything they are pleased to do. Especially for the one likes travelling, he can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job. Moreover, you never need to worry about whether this job suits you or not, because you will just stay here for a limited period. You will enjoy it if you like it, otherwise you need bear to get travelling expenses before leaving here. Obviously, in this situation you are the real master of job, and these people can benefit a great deal from temporary jobs
By contrast, temporary jobs do not suit these people who want to have stable and rich life. First, the income of temporary job is obviously less than the long-term one, especially in terms of bonus. Companies would like to pay higher bonus at the end of the year to encourage their employees for their hard-working and loyalty. Secondly, the cost of training newcomers is so expensive and the business also need to be continually developed, therefore, it is more difficult for the one who prefers temporary jobs to find a new job and to get a higher payment.
In conclusion, whether or not the advantages of temporary jobs outnumber the disadvantages depends on the personalities of people. Different people have different perspectives, so it is hard to draw a definite conclusion.
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-6 02:24
向你致敬,下一次我们同一天考,加油.
作者: Endadewen 时间: 2011-3-6 05:15
楼主精神可嘉
读下来，感觉文章顺畅多了，比起昨天的起码上了一档次。
这里再挑出些小毛病：
In modern society, an increasing number of people choose temporary jobs with a variety of reasons. However, whether the merits of temporary jobs outnumber its demerits has sparked heated debate. In my opinion, it is not advisable to draw an arbitrary conclusion, because it depends on the personality and character of a person.
Temporary jobs are really suitable for these 【应为those】 who want to have more spare time to enjoy a more colorful and interesting life. To begin with, there are only several months that temporary workers need to work for, therefore, the left time can be used to do anything they are pleased to do. Especially for the one likes travelling, he can travel to anywhere he wants to go after earning enough money through the temporary job. Moreover, 【感觉主题句并不能很好的把下面提的这种情况包含进来，这里有两种可能：1. 主题句的论点概括得不好 或 2. 你的论据不能很好很准确地支持你的论点。 这里的论据可以支持你的整篇文章的总观点，但是却不在这个主体段的讨论范围内，算是有点跑偏了】you never need to worry about whether this job suits you or not, because you will just stay here for a limited period. You will enjoy it if you like it, otherwise you need bear to get travelling expenses before leaving here. Obviously, in this situation you are the real master of job, and these people can benefit a great deal from temporary jobs
By contrast, temporary jobs do not suit these 【应为those】 people who want to have 【缺冠词 a】stable and rich life. First, the income of temporary job is obviously 【学术类文章慎用obviously，certainly，absolutely， will ... 之类的语气过强的词，应该用should, would, could, probably, possibly, is likely, almost, mostly等等，称之为tentative写法，是学术文章的一个基本要求】 less than the long-term one, especially in terms of bonus. Companies would like to pay higher bonus at the end of the year to encourage their employees for their hard-working and loyalty. Secondly, the cost of training newcomers is so expensive and the business also need to be continually developed, therefore【therefore一般是总起新的一句，这里应该断句了】, it is more difficult for the one who prefers temporary jobs to find a new job and to get a higher payment.
In conclusion, whether or not the advantages of temporary jobs outnumber the disadvantages depends on the personalities of people. Different people have different perspectives, so 【so比较口语化，用当然也没问题，但是用therefore，thus，as a result之类的词更好】 it is hard to draw a definite conclusion.
Writing 3[2011.3.1] 步入三月了,离考试越来越近了
Some people believe that the charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need, wherever they live. Some people believe that the charity organizations would be better concentrate on helping people who live in own country instead. Discuss both views, and give your opinion.
With the speeding up of globalization, the whole world is increasingly tending to be a big family. Charity organizations from different countries are doing their utmost to assist victims who need assistance all over the world. The debate about whether charity groups should help foreign countries has been fuelled by the increase of disasters which happened recently.
Someone hold the viewpoint that every country which encounters disasters should be helped immediately by the charity groups. On the one hand, the development of economy is unbalanced in the world. Facing with disasters, it is manifest that the developed countries are capable of dealing with disasters by themselves, while some developing countries cannot support themselves. On the other hand, most people have the instincts to help others. When they hear on the news that some people are suffering from the disaster or disease, they wholeheartedly want to give their aids.
By contrast, others advocate that charity groups should devote themselves to domestic events. Especially for undeveloped countries, they should save their limited outlay to help the victims in their own country. For example, some politicians for some special purpose denote the organization’s money to support the reconstruction of other counties which encountered earthquake or other disasters, while some areas of their own country are suffering from disaster and lack fund.
In my opinion, people should assistant those who are facing with problems, rather than considering the nationality of victims. However, they should base on their capability of giving aids and should not take any political purpose into the assistance. Therefore, whether charity groups should help other countries depends on whether the country has the ability to help others.
作者: nkvfg 时间: 2011-3-6 17:31
With the speeding up of globalization, the whole world is increasingly tending to be a big family. Charity organizations from different countries are doing their utmost to assist victims who need assistance all over the world. The debate about whether charity groups should help foreign countries has been fuelled by the increase of disasters which happened recently.【这里明显漏了一句，紧接着就应该立刻明确提出自己的观点了，和结尾的观点应该是一摸一样的，这就需要同义转换的技巧，是雅思作文的一个很大的考点。】
Someone hold the viewpoint that every country which encounters disasters should be helped immediately by the charity groups. On the one hand, the development of economy is unbalanced in the world. Facing with disasters, it is manifest[=obvious,慎用] that the developed countries are capable of dealing with disasters by themselves, while some developing countries cannot support themselves. On the other hand, most people have the instincts to help others. When they hear on the news that some people are suffering from the disaster or disease, they whole heartedly want to give their aids.
By contrast, others advocate that charity groups should devote themselves to domestic events. Especially for undeveloped countries, they should save their limited outlay to help the victims in their own country. For example, some politicians denote[donate?use?] the organization’s money to support the reconstruction of other counties which encountered earthquake or other disasters [for some special purpose] [, like ... ,] while some areas of their own country are suffering from [similar] disaster and lack [of] fund.
[However,] In my opinion, [although] people should assistant[->assist] those who are facing [with,去掉] problems, rather than considering the nationality of victims [. However删去], they should base on their capability of giving aids and should not take any political purpose into the assistance. Therefore, whether charity groups should help other countries depends on whether the country has the ability to help others.【结尾的观点应该在开头段的就明确提出一次，这里是照应，做同义转换】
另外你的外教说的一点也没错，结尾只能总结，也需要简洁，不能出新的东西。但是结尾很重要一点就是考你的同义转换，就是把自己观点用不同方式表达出来，我感觉这是结尾的一个重要得分点。结尾一般的结构是：一句话总结两个主体段的主要论点，如果能把主要论据也总结进来，甚好！切记一点就是同义转换，不然拿不到更多的分数。再来一句话重申自己的观点，同样是考你同义转换的能力。结尾段大概是这样的结构：【Overall/To conclude/In conclusion/To sum up, blablabla总结两个主体段. Therefore/Consequently/Hence/As a result, blablabla重申总的观点】. 总而言之，同义转换在雅思作文考试里非常重要，也是写作水平的一个重要体现。当然同义转换时要小心了，不能把新的东西加进来，因为结尾段的功能就是总结前文。如果有能力的话，也可以做些展望，但是那个是不好把握的，所以不推荐了。
至于你的另一个疑问，在哪里提出自己的观点。一般是两个地方：开头段和结尾段。显然你这里开头段没有做到，于是也就没有了同义转换在里面了。在开头就明确提出自己的观点，主要原因是：学术类文章讲究的是predictable，easy to understand。尤其是predictable，读者应该能随时猜到文章后面大概要讲些什么内容。其实和主体段要求首句或第二句就是主题句是一个道理（对于主体段第二句是主题句的情形，需要对第一句（Introductory Sentence）的写法有一定了解才行，不然就总是第一句为主题句就ok了）。
也有一些范文，只有结尾部分提出自己的总的观点，那个我没怎么研究过，如果你有兴趣，可以看看那些范文。
[]
作者: uneea45410 时间: 2011-3-7 04:54
还有可以参考
澳大利亚人写的
雅思九分写作
至少很清楚的看出来5分和7分作文的差距
作者: 温柔的心酸 时间: 2011-3-7 06:32
5分和7分差距很大了吧？我想要看出6.5分和7分的差别来
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-7 18:06
Wring 4[2011.3.2]
Some people think that strong tradition can civilize a country and the government should subsidize musicians, artists, actors and drama companies. Do you agree or disagree with the opinion? What should government do?
With the acceleration of industrialization, an increasing number of new items are created. But meanwhile, it has been a highly contentious issue that whether government should sponsor the traditional items with an aim to preserve them. In my opinion, government should protect those still have considerable values in the future, and give up those are worth nothing.
As has been generally acknowledged that the merits of strong tradition are apparent. To begin with, great tradition lays a solid foundation for the development of human civilization. Most of innovations of high technology were made based on the former inventions. For instance, if there were no telephone to be invented, we will be still unable to surf on the internet. Moreover, preserved tradition can help modern people to learn about the conventional culture. It is the common feature of humanity that everyone has a curious heart about everything they meet. Especially, people who live in modern society curiously want to know what happened at the past, and what kind of music their ancestors listened to.
By contrast, the opponents also can list amounts of unfavorable aspects of preserving tradition. First, strong baneful tradition can curb the development of new things. Take China as an example, feudalism of Qing dynasty is considerably stronger than any other countries’ in any time. It seriously hinders the development of capitalism. Therefore, the progression of industrialization in China is obviously later than other countries’. Secondly, the expense of protecting the extinct tradition is so high, while the effects are unacceptable. Especially for the developing countries, they should invest in the construction of infrastructure instead of useless traditional things.
In my opinion, on the one hand, government should distinguish valuable traditions from worthless ones. On the other hand, the tradition which does not suit the modern society should be leaded to reform in order to be accepted by the new situation. If the endangered tradition is still unable to attain new innovations, it means it has arrived at its destination.
作者: 一毫克中南海 时间: 2011-3-8 02:28
Some people think that strong tradition can civilize a country and the government should subsidize musicians, artists, actors and drama companies. Do you agree or disagree with the opinion? What should government do?
With the acceleration of industrialization, an increasing number of new items are created. But meanwhile, it has been a highly contentious issue that whether government should sponsor the traditional items with an aim to preserve them. In my opinion, government should protect those still have considerable values in the future, and give up those are worth nothing.
【As has been generally acknowledged that，->As having been generally acknowledged,】 the merits of strong tradition are apparent. To begin with, great tradition lays a solid foundation for the development of human civilization. Most of innovations of high technology were made based on the former inventions. For instance, if there were no telephone to be invented, we will【->would】 be still unable to surf on the internet. Moreover, preserved tradition can help modern people to learn about the conventional culture. It is the common feature of humanity that everyone has a curious heart about everything they meet. Especially【->To be more specific/Specifically/For example】, people who live in modern society curiously want to know what happened at 【->in】the past, and what kind of music their ancestors listened to.
By contrast, the opponents also can list amounts of unfavorable aspects of preserving tradition. First, strong baneful tradition can curb the development of new things. Take China as an example, feudalism of Qing dynasty is considerably stronger than any other countries’ in any time. It seriously hinders【->过去时】 the development of capitalism. Therefore, the progression of industrialization in China is【->过去时】 obviously later【slower?】 than other countries’. Secondly, the expense of protecting the extinct tradition is so【->very】 high, while the effects are unacceptable【这句话Chinglish比较明显】. Especially for 【the，感觉可以去掉】 developing countries, they should invest in the construction of infrastructure instead of [the costly preservation of] useless traditional things.
In my opinion【重复出现，缺乏同义转换】, on the one hand, government should distinguish valuable traditions from worthless ones. On the other hand, the tradition which does not suit the modern society should be leaded to reform in order to be accepted 【by the new situation，Chinglish】. 【If the endangered tradition is still unable to attain new innovations, it means it has arrived at its destination.，有跑题嫌疑】
作者: 回头你不在 时间: 2011-3-8 05:45
修改的不好的地方，恳请高手指出，共同进步
作者: roototync 时间: 2011-3-8 16:00
不过，如果lz能在考场上写出和上面这篇差不多的文章，你的作文分数绝对不止5.5分的吧？
拭目以待
作者: 水晶小纽扣 时间: 2011-3-8 20:39
我这里补充一些：
1.
题目里出现了两个问题
Do you agree or disagree with the opinion? What should government do?
这第一个问题是不是在第一段里 回答一下就可以,我这里是折中的方式,像这种回答应该怎么说呢.
In my opinion, the two opinions can be reconciled, and government should protect those still have considerable values in the future, and give up those are worth nothing.
这样可以吗?
作者: he44o7pqq 时间: 2011-3-9 15:42
我感觉大概是这个写法吧：
In my opinion, blablabla（针对第一个问题，你要对‘Some people think that’的观点进行表态）.Therefore,government should protect those still have considerable values in the future, and give up those are worth nothing.
这样能更好地回应题目。
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-9 17:01
Writing 5[2011.3.3]
In today’s world, it is private companies rather than government who pay for and carry out most on scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?
In modern society, the innovation of new technology should be attributed to an increasing number of investments in scientific research. But meanwhile, it is a highly contentious issue that whether government should shoulder more responsibilities on sponsoring and running these researches. I hold the viewpoint that humanity would benefit from the scientific researches operated by private companies.
It is generally believed that business run by companies can benefit in amounts of favorable aspects. To begin with, it is evident that the working efficiency of employees in companies is much higher than the one’s in government. Most of us had the same experience that we would spend more time on matters related to government. Moreover, the business operated by company is able to be lead into a virtuous circulation through the commercial operation. The only aim of companies is to earn more money; therefore, they invest in researches with an aim to produce new products to occupy the market. And those new products are able to contribute to more profits. Once the companies attain considerable income, they would like to allocate money to another product.
By contrast, the opponents may argue that companies would bring a tremendous number of undesirable perspectives. First, compared with government, the reliability of company is evidently lower than government. The result released by companies sometimes cannot be believed by citizens; therefore, to a certain extent it reduces the effects of the researches. Secondly, the lack of supervision and fierce competitions result in harmful events. The aim of the corporation is to pursue interests; as a result, some of the irresponsible companies will use substandard products to replace the perfect one.
In conclusion, though there are some baneful respects on companies, I still think the merits of researches funded by companies outnumber the demerits.
[]
作者: ubriq6469 时间: 2011-3-10 02:33
两个小小的修改建议：
1. research是不可数的，所以researches是错误的写法
2. 结尾段 I still think the ，感觉太土了，你可以用：I still insist/reckon/believe/maintain
Writing 5[2011.3.4]
The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider, the richer much richer, the poor even much poor, what problems can the situation cause and give the solutions.
In modern society, with the acceleration of economic development, it seems that the gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly bigger than before. The situation causes amounts of social problems; therefore, measures should be taken to combat the situation.
The existence of the huge difference of income between the wealthy and the poor contributes to a tremendous number of problems. To begin with, it is manifest that the sense of unfairness would make the poor feel unsatisfied with the society. It is easy to imagine the bad feelings that individuals are suffering from the poverty, while others are driving luxurious cars passing by. Moreover, to a large extent, the resources owned by the society will be wasted. The resources holding by the rich are considerably more than the poor’s; however, the rich cannot make full use of them. For example, the houses owned by the rich are more than they can use, at the same time, there is no houses for the poor to live in.
I think the solution to the problem lies with the government, and the government should play a pivotal role in resolving the situation. Firstly, the government should use the tax to balance the huge gap. The more income you earn, the more tax should be imposed. Secondly, the government should encourage the rich to help the poor, and give the poor more chances to improve their abilities of earning money. Last but not least, some facilities and houses should be provided to the poor by the government with an aim to ensure the basic life of the poor.
In conclusion, the huge gap results in a variety of social matters, therefore, the government should take measures to reduce the distance between the rich and the poor.
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作者: cjlkqkd1b 时间: 2011-3-11 02:01
个人认为这个议题的第一段可以这么写
Recently,the difference between the rich and poor is becoming bigger while economics is developing.I believe that XXX
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-11 06:07
Writing 7[2011.3.5]Today there is a great increase in anti-social behavior and lack of respect to others. What are the causes of this? What measures can be taken to reduce this problem?
With the acceleration of the economic development, a more harmonious society is expected. However, it seems that the behavior of anti-social and lack of respect to others is increasingly serious than ever before. In this essay, I will try to analyse the causes of the situation and propose some solutions to the problem.
The causes of these bad behaviors are diverse. To begin with, the growing gap between the rich and the poor is the root cause of this situation. Since 80% of the social property is held by 20% of people, it is easy to cause the sense of dissatisfaction of the working class. It is still hard to afford their own house for working classes even under the efforts of several generations; therefore, the people who lose their hope, sometimes, will take some anti-social behavior. Moreover, the lack of the responsibility of the government is also the major cause of the problem. In modern society, it is generally believed that the corruption in government is considerably serious, and it also contributes to dissatisfaction of the citizens. Furthermore, the growing awareness of selfish results in lack of respecting others. Nowadays, most people would like to consider their own interest in advance instead of others.
I think the solutions to these problems lie with the government, they need to be more aware of the future consequence of the bad social situation. First, the government should take measures to reduce the huge gap between the wealthy and the poor. For instance, the government is able to use tax to balance the gap of income in order to relieve the dissatisfaction of the lower income earners. Secondly, the reliabilities of the government should be improved to increase the efficiency of the regulation released by the authorities. Last but not least, the sense of communicating with others should be encouraged with an aim to make citizens understand each other and respect each other. Research has proved that the understanding of each other can promote the awareness of the respect.
In conclusion, some factors contribute to these bad social behaviors. I am convinced that the government should take effective steps to resolve the problems.
作者: xruo2189 时间: 2011-3-11 08:24
ith the acceleration of the economic development, a more harmonious society is expected. However, it seems that the behavior of anti-social and lack of respect to others is increasingly serious than ever before. In this essay, I will try to analyse the causes of the situation and propose some solutions to the problem.
The causes of these bad behaviors are diverse. To begin with, the growing gap between the rich and the poor is[->is likely to be] the root cause of this situation. Since 80% of the social property is held by 20% of people, it is easy to cause the sense of dissatisfaction of the working class. [For example,] It is still hard to afford their own house for working classes even under the efforts of several generations; therefore, the people who lose their hope, sometimes, will[->may] take some anti-social behavior. Moreover, the lack of the responsibility of the government is also the[->a] major cause of the problem. In modern society, it is generally believed that the corruption in government is considerably serious, and it also contributes to dissatisfaction of the citizens. Furthermore, the growing awareness of selfish results in lack of respecting others. Nowadays, most people would like to consider their own interest in advance[->first] instead of[->and then followed by] others['].
I think[In my view/In my opinion/Personally, I believe] the solutions to these problems lie with the government, [which means/by which I mean] they[the government?] need to be more aware of the future[potential 更好?] consequence of the bad social situation. First, the government should take measures to reduce the huge gap between the wealthy and the poor. For instance, the government is able to use tax to balance the gap of income in order to relieve the dissatisfaction of the lower income earners. Secondly, the reliabilities of the government should be improved to increase the efficiency of the regulation released by the authorities. Last but not least, the sense of communicating with others should be encouraged with an aim to make citizens understand each other [better] and [hence,] respect each other. [This is because] Research has proved that the understanding of each other can promote the awareness of the respect.
In conclusion, some factors contribute to these bad social behaviors, [such as ...]. [As a result/Therefore,] I am convinced that the government should take effective steps, [like ....], to resolve the problems.
感觉写的不错！还有些小问题：1. 有些地方语气过强，过于肯定 2. 连贯性和衔接方面还有需要改进的地方 3. 从句的写法有时候还是会有问题，如‘I think[In my view/In my opinion/Personally, I believe] the solutions to these problems lie with the governmen’这句的后面一句应该独立出来或当作从句来写
[]
作者: fi927102 时间: 2011-3-11 11:57
In today’s world, it is private companies rather than government who pay for and carry out most on scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantage?
In modern society, should be attributes to an increasing number of investments in scientific research. But meanwhile, it is a highly contentious issue that whether government should shoulder more responsibilities on sponsoring and running these researches. I hold the viewpoint that humanity would benefit from the scientific researches operated by private companies.(your expression is odd and quite confusing. you should concentrate on the topic. In modern society, the innovation of new technology is often attribute to the investigation of private companies rather than that of the government. Nevertheless, though there is contentious discussion of whether the government should have more responsibility on this issue or the private investigation has more potential drawbacks, I tend to agree with the viewpoint that private funded scientific research have more benefits outweigh its drawbacks. )
(It is generally believed that business run by companies can benefit in amounts of favorable aspects.(this is not a topic sentense according to the following argument. you can delete it) To begin with, it is evident that the working efficiency of employees in private companies is much higher than the one’s that in governments. Most of us had the same experience that we would spend more time on matters related to government(confusing, the sentense has the same meaning to the former sentense, you 'd better cite an example). Moreover,However the business operated by company is able to be lead into a virtuous circulation through the commercial operation(confusing). The only aim of companies is to earn more money; therefore, they invest in researches with an aim to produce new products to occupy the market. And those new products are able to contribute to more profits. Once the companies attain considerable income, they would like to allocate money to another product. (It is hard to follew with your ideas. if you want a smooth discussion, you can start with a topic sentense, and take numerious examples to explain it. In this paragraph, you start with discussing efficient, then you should always concentate on this topic)
By contrast, the opponents may argue that companies would bring a tremendous number of undesirable perspectives( in terms of ^^^^). First, compared with government, the reliability of company is evidently lower than government. (compared with government, you should discuss the company instead of the reliability of the company)The result released by companies sometimes cannot be believed trusted by citizens; therefore, to a certain extent it reduces the effects of the researches. Secondly, the lack of supervision and fierce competitions result in harmful events. The aim of the corporation is to pursue interests; as a result, some of the irresponsible companies will use substandard products to replace the perfect one.
In conclusion, though there are some baneful respects on companies, I still think the merits of researches funded by companies outnumber the demerits.
OK, I have to say that you language is very confusing. Do not use Chinese lingustic customs. The essay is concerned with issue of "A benefits B" . so you 'd better prepare ten different sentenses in terms of this issue,"A benefits B", first. then, you will find you writing can be smoothly soon.
yrqin,我太佩服你了, “I think[In my view/In my opinion/Personally, I believe] the solutions to these problems lie with the governmen’这句的后面一句应该独立出来或当作从句来写”,这句话是我背的考官作文中的句子,原文是”But I think the solution to the problem lies with the family, who need to be more aware of the future consequence of spoiling their children.” 这个who这里我老是背错.结果被你一眼就看了出来.
我对连贯性和衔接还是有点不太明白,这里主要是指句子间的过渡吧. 我看到评分标准里有这一项,但是我以为就是first, secondly之类的. 现在看来,你帮我加上的For example, Personally, I believe , This is because, As a result/Therefore 这些都算吧. 我的问题是这些什么时候应该加,什么时候不应该加呢.
Writing 8 letter[2011.3.6]今天来封信You have applied a course to a college in Australia, but you still have not received the reply. Write a letter to state:
1. The details of the course;
2. Why you choose the course;
3. Why you need the reply soon
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to request your assistance to check my application of the course named Project Management which I applied 2 months ago. However, I did not receive the reply from you until now.
The main content of the course is about project management methodology in the field of computer science. It is consisted of time management, risk management and quality management and so on. Therefore, I think it is quite useful for me. As you know, I have been a project manager for 2 years. And now, the projects managed by me are increasingly bigger than before, as a result, I need to improve my ability of the project management. It is generally believed that the best school in the field of project management in Australia is your school, therefore, I hope I would have the opportunity to join into the best school.
I wish you could reply me within 7 days, because I have got another school’s offer. And I need to decide if I need accept that offer before next weekend. Personally, I really wish I can join into your school.
Yours sincerely,
David Luan
作者: 深圳小菜鸟一个 时间: 2011-3-12 21:51
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to request your assistance to check （ inquire） my application of the course named (Delete)Project Management . I (have submitted the applicantion) applied 2 months ago. However, I did not receive the reply from you until now.
The main content of(delete) The course is about project management methodology in the field of computer science. It is (,which) consisted (consists) of time management, risk management and quality management and so on. Therefore(delete), I think it is quite useful for me. As you know, (because) I have been a project manager for 2 years. And now, the projects managed by me are increasingly bigger(complex) than before, as a result, I need to improve my ability of the project management. It is generally believed that the best school in the field of project management in Australia is your school ( your school is the best one in this field), therefore, I hope I would have the opportunity to join into the best school (study in).
I wish you could reply me within 7 days, because I have got another school’s offer (to reply). (but your school is always my best choice) And( the uncertainty makes me hard to) to decide if (whether) I need accept that offer (or not) before next weekend. Personally, I really wish I can join into your school.(delete)
I am looking forward to your reply.(hearing from you soon)
作者: georseJoydrot 时间: 2011-3-13 09:14
你提到：‘这个who这里我老是背错’，说明你的基础语法还不过关。
连贯性和衔接是和句子间的过渡有关联。但是更看重的是句子与句子之间，段落和段落之间关系。那句子间的关系来说，一般有四种：
1. addition: 例如moreover, for example, firstly, secondly, in addition, ...
2. sequence: 例如initially, then, followed by, after that,...
3. cause & effect: 例如because, because of, as a result, consequently, ... 以及高级点的reduce, enlarge, ...
4. compare & contrast: 例如more, bigger, faster, by/in contrast, however, but, ...
当你对句子与句子间的关系比较清楚的时候，很多时候就需要用相关的连接词来明显的表现出这些关系来。
这很可能是雅思的一个重要考点：Coherence and Cohesion 方面的评分，连接词相关部分的评分标准如下：
5 makes inadequate,inaccurate or over-use of cohesive devices
6 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be faulty or mechanical
7 uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately although there may be some under-/over-use
Wring 9[2011.3.7] 今晚是手写的,在40分钟内写完了,模拟考试环境
Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
The acceleration of aircraft technology has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years. While some people think the whole society benefit a great deal from the air travel, I hold the viewpoint that the merit of air travel benefited by ordinary is less than the drawbacks they received.
Admittedly, there are vast amounts of benefits for the human society with the invention of the plane. It is generally believed that trips taking plane can save tremendous amount of time. It is helpful for businessmen who often squeeze time to negotiate with their clients.
However, there are more unfavorable aspects brought by aircraft, especially for the poor. Firstly, airplane is about to produce a vast number of noise and result in serious air pollution. For the wealthy, they have well-decorated house and air-cleaner which can help them to reduce the effects of noise and air pollution. However, for the poor who still struggles to make a living, the condition of their living facilities is not good enough that they are exposed under these bad effects. Secondly, the development of the aircraft would contribute to unemployment. An increasing number of people prefer to travel by plane; therefore, the employees who work for other transportation, such as train and ship, would lose their jobs due to the decease of the customers, while the airline company need less employees.
In conclusion, though people benefit from the air travel, the ordinary people would benefit less than the wealthy. Because the poor has less opportunities to take plane and they also lack money to protect themselves from the noise and air pollution.
[]
作者: 二月水妖 时间: 2011-3-14 03:38
Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
你一定要学会分析题目。实在不行就翻译成中文仔细想想
这篇文章题目很极端，only， no advantage
显然，你写不同意要比写同意简单而且话题多，这样文章就不会那么没有逻辑，读起来更容易让人理解。
作者: 普通特务 时间: 2011-3-14 12:03
The acceleration of aircraft technology has brought significant changes to our lives in recent years.
航空技术加速？航空技术发展加速，或者简单的来说就是航空技术好了，主题和航空业发展和速度好像没有太多直接联系，你后文也未提及速度和你的分析之间有什么关联
hold the viewpoint that the merit of air travel benefited by ordinary is less than the drawbacks they received.
我不知道这种好处比坏处的写法在英语里面是否允许，不过我觉得按照你后文的思路，直接写，穷人却步的不与此同忍受很多。
第二段开头很大气，结果内容支撑太少了。就说了一个例子。感觉有点头重脚轻。
they have well-decorated house and air-cleaner which can help them to reduce the effects of noise and air pollution.
... which can protect them from noise and air pollution. 不过我觉得这个例子不是很适合啊，装修来减小噪音？从未听说过，空气清洁的机器用的人也很少吧。最常见的做法，别住在机场附近就好了嘛。这个事情，富人有选择，穷人没有。
An increasing number of people prefer to travel by plane; therefore, the employees who work for other transportation, 感觉有点别扭和不写为：
Since an increse number of people.....不要therefore了
Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
红色是这篇文章的话题，而蓝色是这篇文章要走的的方向（支持或反驳）。从题目看来，要反驳only和no这两个关键字。所以文章的重心应该放在ordinary people 如何benefit from the development of air travel。
举个例子，你可以说1.ordinary people 也可以支付得起机票，尤其是economy class。有时候还能买到特价机票，speical offer。2.ordinary people 也有Air travel的需求，如舒适，快捷等 3.Air travel可以提供越洋旅游的机会，增加见闻 4.Air travel可以促进国际贸易，带来丰富多彩的国际商品，ordinary people 可以拥有更多的购物选择。
Wring 10[2011.3.8] 祝各位女士节日快乐!
Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.
Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the influence of scientists outweighs politicians’. Some people advocate that politicians play a more vital role on the world, while others hold the viewpoint that scientists have the greatest impact. In my opinion, both of these views can be reconciled, because the composition of these two types of people contributes to a harmonious society.
Admittedly, politicians are able to affect the society in many aspects. To begin with, policies made by politicians result in the life of ordinary people. Citizens may benefit from the policies, and they also can be affected by those policies in the unfavorable perspective. For example, a policy about curbing house price can make people who could not afford the house have their own home. And another policy about increasing the price of tuition fee might keep students away from the university. Moreover, politicians can help the country to maintain the social order. It is easy to imagine that what the future sequence of lacking rule in the society would be.
By contrast, scientists also bring amounts of effects to human society. In the first place, as having been generally acknowledged, the innovations of new technology and the inventions are attributed to the efforts of scientists. For example, computers and the internet have entirely changed the world. Without those technological productions, our life would fall into disorder again. In the second place, scientists could help humanity to resolve the problems which people meet in the daily life. Facing an increasing number of new problems, scientists must shoulder the responsibility to combat the situation.
In conclusion, I still persist that both scientists and politicians play an important role in human society. It is difficult to draw a conclusion which one has the greater influence than another.
作者: 西部观察 时间: 2011-3-16 02:56
Some people think that politicians have the greatest influence on the world. Other people, however, believe that scientists have the greatest influence. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion.
估计换成中文思考，你比我更能瞎掰。所以你的问题是没有仔细审题。另外薄弱的英语让你思维局限。keep up
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作者: wapzs162783 时间: 2011-3-16 06:19
有个出现很多次的表达：amounts of，感觉怪怪的。可能是个错误的表达。
我查了查，好像是a large amount of , a large number of, numbers of 比较常见吧。
楼主不妨再确认下。
作者: 聪颖小葛 时间: 2011-3-16 12:14
In conclusion, I still persist that both scientists and politicians play an important role in human society. It is difficult to draw a conclusion which one has the不要the的吧？ greater influence than another应该是the other.
Most countries want to improve standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits of the development of the economy outnumber the drawbacks. Some people advocate that the economic development contributes to the improvement of living standard, while others insist that people are losing their social values. In my opinion, although the economic development can bring a number of unfavorable aspects, its advantages still outweigh its demerits.
The human society benefits a great deal from the development of the economy. First of all, with the development of the economy, people have more opportunities to do what they want to do. Now, since the salary of working class is certainly higher than before, people have enough money to have a trip or buy things they cannot afford before. Moreover, as having been generally acknowledged, good quality facilities also can be provided by the government or companies due to the economic development. The government can impose more tax revenue, since companies make more profits than before as a result that individuals consume more products than before. Finally, economic development also can increase the opportunity of employment. It, therefore, can trigger a virtuous circle.
Admittedly, the undesirable perspectives cannot be ignored. To begin with, a major impact is the deterioration of the ecosystem. As a result of fast economic development, the forest was destroyed and the farmland was also demolished seriously. It also results in the extinction of some species of animals. In the second place, the problem of pollution is also serious. It is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water are polluted.
In conclusion, although the human society are facing huge challenge on the bad consequence of developing their economy fast, we have the ability to resolve most of those problems. Because economic development promotes the development of technology, which can help us to improves the standard of living.
Therefore I insist that the advantages of economic development outweigh the drawbacks.
作者: to98ll75 时间: 2011-3-16 19:40
Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits of the development of the economy outnumber the drawbacks. Some people advocate that the economic development contributes to the improvement of living standard, while others insist that people are losing their social values. In my opinion, although the economic development can bring a number of unfavorable aspects, its advantages still outweigh its demerits.
The human society benefits a great deal from the development of the economy. First of all, with the development of the economy, people have more opportunities to do what they want to [do, 可以省略do]. Now, since the salary of working class is certainly higher than before, people have enough money to have a trip or buy things they cannot[->could not，过去式] afford before. Moreover, as having been generally acknowledged, good quality facilities also can be provided by the government or companies [due to，用because of，因为due to一般是指不好的原因导致不好的结果] the economic development. The government can impose more tax revenue, [这里该断句了，语法错] since companies make more profits than before [as a result that，删去，因为有since了] individuals consume more products [than before，删去，重复了，有点罗嗦]. Finally, economic development also can increase the opportunity of employment. It, therefore, can trigger a virtuous circle.
Admittedly, the undesirable perspectives cannot be ignored. To begin with, a major impact is the deterioration of the ecosystem. As a result of fast economic development, the forest was destroyed and the farmland was also demolished seriously [用现在进行时更好，说明现在还在发生，如is being destroyed]. It also results in the extinction of some species of animals. In the second place, the problem of pollution is also serious. [For example,] It is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious [air] pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water are[->is] polluted.[这一段是让步段，不宜写的太丰满了，那样抢了上一段的风头了；现在感觉也还好，不过还没有提social value的缺失，可以考虑删掉其中一点，换成social value的缺失]
In conclusion, although the human society are facing huge challenge on the bad consequence of developing their economy [too] fast, we have the ability to resolve most of those problems. Because economic development promotes the development of technology, which can help us to improves the standard of living.[红色这里全部都是新内容，在结尾段出现是很不合理的，直接删掉，然后把后面一句的therefore去掉，组成新的一个结尾段也马马虎虎了，比现在扯远了要强。另外because用错了，是带从句的。或者用This is because新起一句也可以] Therefore I insist that the advantages of economic development outweigh the drawbacks.
Wring 12[2011.3.10] Technological progress in the past century has its negative effect, despite its remarkable contribution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The past 100 years have seen a dramatic progress in terms of technology. Some people advocate that the progress of the technology contributes to a number of favorable aspects, while others argue that it results in more undesirable perspectives. In my opinion, the overall impact of technological progress has in fact been negative.
Admittedly, the progress of technology is responsible for the civilization of humanity. To begin with, the invention of high technological items has brought considerable convenience to human society. For example, the advent of computers and internet has entirely changed the way we lived in the past. Not only can they help people have a remote chat in their home, but also they make shopping at home possible. Secondly, the technological progress improves the standard of living. It is possible for individuals to enjoy their life not only in material ways but also in mental ways.
However, the negative consequence is so serious that we have to devote ourselves to combat the problem. In the first place, as having been generally acknowledged, a major impact is the pollution of the environment. For example, it is even difficult to breathe in some cities which are suffering from serious air pollution. And we also lack clean fresh water to drink as a result that most of fresh water is polluted. In the second place, the deterioration of the ecosystem is so serious. As a result of fast economic development, the forest is being destroyed and the farmland is also being demolished seriously. Last but not least, human beings are becoming increasing lazy than ever before. As a result of technological progress, a vast number of new products are produced. Staying at home people still can go shopping, watch movies and even manage a farmland.
In conclusion, although technological progress contribute to the progress of society, I still insist that the demerits of technological progress outweigh its positive aspects in the past century.
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-17 14:45
Wring 13[2011.3.11]
The survey shows that in many countries, the people are living longer but increased life expectancy has many implications for the aging individuals and for society as a whole. What are the possible effects of longer living for individuals and society?
With the improvement of medical system, the age of people is increasingly larger than ever before. It brings plenty of effects not only for individuals but also but the whole society. In this essay, I will analyze the possible impact from both individuals’ perspectives and society’s.
For society, the favorable aspects of the impact are diverse. To begin with, it is a symbol of the great medical system of a country. The longer the age of the people in one country is, the more advanced the medical technology is. Everyone would be proud of the technology of their country which is more advanced than others’. Secondly, it means that the country owns more experience if the country has a vast number of aging people.
And, more aging population also contributes to some undesirable perspectives. Firstly, it is generally believed that it results in the pressure of the social welfare. The aging society means that most people arrive at the age of retirement, and the amount of the people who are still working is difficult to afford the welfare system. Secondly, more facilities for old people are needed, which would spend too much social resources.
From another angle, the desirable effects for individuals are apparent. In the first place, the more ages you live, the more generation the family will have. It is the key point of the harmonious society. Moreover, the greatest dream for almost everyone is living longer. No one would like to die early, and it is the instinct of an individual even for animals. Be alive is one of the happiest things in our life. Therefore, it is hard to illustrate that there are any unfavorable aspects on the longer age of people.
In conclusion, although the aging society brings some stress to the society, I still insist that living longer is the dream of humanity. Both society and individuals can benefit a great deal from the longer life.
作者: 人行便捷 时间: 2011-3-17 18:35
咦LZ考的是A鸭么？怎么题目看上去那么亲切
LZ要注意小的语法问题。然后阐述可以充实点。
Wring 12[2011.3.10]
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-18 03:51
Wring 14[2011.3.12]植树节快乐
这里的give your opinion,我阐述的是不是太少了点
Some people think zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, some people think zoos are useful to protect the rare animals. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.
Recently, it is a highly contentious issue that whether the zoos should be closed. Some people advocate that zoos play a crucial role in protecting the endangered animals, while the opponents argue that it is too cruel to close animals in zoos. In my opinion, it depends on the different kinds of animals, for the rare animals, it is of necessary to protect them through putting them in zoos; otherwise, this behavior should be abandoned.
There are a tremendous amount of reasons that animals should not be closed in zoos. To begin with, no one has the right to deprive the freedom of any animals. Since animals living in zoos are restricted in a limited room, they cannot behave like they living in the nature any more. Therefore, they will lose their passion and their talent after living in the cage for a long time. Moreover, their abilities of capturing other animals and escaping from enemies will gradually decay. For example, tigers which are enclosed in zoos for a long time will lose their abilities to live in the forest lonely.
By contrast, the advocators are capable of proposing plenty of factors to support putting animals into zoos. First of all, it is of importance to reserve the endangered species. Without the protection of humanity, some animals which lose their abilities to live in the natural condition would be likely to go extinct. Secondly, the main purpose putting animals into zoos is waking up the awareness of protecting animals. The way showing the animal in zoos, especially for children, that can transfer more information about wild animals with an aim to protect them.
In conclusion, I hold the viewpoint that whether the animals should be enclosed into zoos surely depends on whether the behavior is helpful for animal. It means that only the behavior of protecting endangered animal from going extinct is allowed.
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-18 13:21
Wring 15[2011.3.13]
Lately, more and more work has to be done by machines. Do you think the positive effects of this development outweigh the negative effects on individuals and society?
The 50 past years have seen an increasing use of machines which are used to replace manual work. While some people argue that it contributes to a vast number of unfavorable aspects such as unemployment, I hold the viewpoint that the merits of using machines outnumber its drawbacks not only on civilians but also on society.
There are a tremendous number of desirable perspectives with the use of machines. To begin, for individuals, machines can free them from the risky work circumstance. For example, machines are capable of helping police to trigger bombs which are found in the public place, and also can obey the command to explore the Mars where it is difficult for humanity to arrive at and return to earth safe and sound. Moreover, from society’s angle, machines would result in the improvement of the efficiency of work. Machines are more powerful than people, and they can work for a long time without feeling hungry. The revolution of industrialization has proved that the number of products produced by machines is hundreds of times more than the ones produced manually.
Admittedly, the unfavorable aspects of using machines to excess cannot be ignored. First of all, it can trigger the problem of unemployment. Because of the improvement of the efficiency, less worker are needed in modern factory. Therefore, an increasing number of people would lose their job. It may result in some social problems. But overall, with the development of economy, more opportunities of employment would be created; therefore, it is unnecessary to worry about the unemployment problem.
In conclusion, although the widespread use of machines is responsible for some social problems, the benefits of using machines are apparent. Therefore, my view is that the advantages of using machines instead of human being surely outweigh the defects of it.
作者: 一家之言LGM 时间: 2011-3-18 17:12
The past 50 years have seen an increasing use of machines which are used[aim，刚用了名词use，这里把are used换aim] to replace manual work. While some people argue that it contributes to a vast number of unfavorable aspects such as unemployment, I hold the viewpoint that the merits of using machines outnumber its drawbacks not only on civilians but also on society.
There are a tremendous number of desirable perspectives with the use of machines. To begin, for individuals, machines can free them from the risky work circumstance. For example, machines are capable of helping police to trigger bombs which are found in the public place, and also can obey the command to explore the Mars where it is difficult for humanity to arrive at [Mars] and return to earth safe[ly] and sound[ly]. Moreover, from society’s angle, machines would result in the improvement of the efficiency of work. [This is because] Machines are more powerful than people, and they can work for a long time without feeling hungry. The revolution of industrialization has proved that the number of products produced by machines is hundreds of times more than the ones produced manually.
Admittedly, the unfavorable aspects of using machines to excess cannot be ignored. First of all, it can trigger the problem of unemployment. Because of the improvement of the efficiency, less worker are needed in modern factory[ies]. Therefore, an increasing number of people would lose their job. In addition, It may result in some social problems, [such as ...]. [But overall, with the development of economy, more opportunities of employment would be created; therefore, it is unnecessary to worry about the unemployment problem.，这里讨论‘没必要担心失业问题’是多余的，比较突兀]
In conclusion, although the widespread use of machines is responsible for some social problems, the benefits of using machines are apparent. Therefore, my view is that the advantages of using machines instead of human being surely outweigh the defects of it.
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-19 00:02
Wring 16[2011.3.14] 离考试越来越近了,已经买好了去济南的火车票
Studies suggest that children spend more time on watching TV and they did in the past and spend less on doing active or creative things. Why do you think this is the case? What measurement and methods can be used to deal with it.
Recently, research has show that the time which children spend on watching TV is considerably more than ever before, on the contrary, they take less time to attend active or creative things. In this essay, I will try to analyze possible caused and then propose some feasible solutions.
The reasons which contribute to this situation are diverse. To begin with, the more colorful and attractive TV programs should be responsible for this problem. Since the diversity of programs is increasingly greater than before, teenagers would like to cost more time to watch TV instead of doing other activity. Moreover, it is a major cause that working parents do not have the time to accompany their children. Facing growingly fierce competition and tremendous stress in their work, therefore, parents have to pay more attention to their job instead of their children. Last but not least, lack of facilities which are used to provide for youngsters also results in the fact. It is easy to understand the fact that parents prefer to let their children stat at home watching TV, rather than allowing they play in the street.
Therefore, measures should be taken to combat these situations. First of all, TV programs should be restricted, especially for these lacking educational content. Specifically, both parents and the government should pay more attention to limit adolescents watch too much TV programs. Secondly, parents should be more aware of the future consequence of spending less time with their children. It is necessary to cultivate children’s sense of family; therefore, parents would better to squeeze time to accompany their children. Lastly, the government should sponsor more safe facilities for children which can be used to attend activities. Parents would not worry about the safety of their children when there are administers who are responsible for their children.
In conclusion, a variety of reasons are responsible for this situation; therefore, we should take a range of measures, including programs restriction, more time accompanying children and more safe facilities.
作者: texn3131 时间: 2011-3-19 10:30
Recently, research has show[n，低级语法错，大忌] that the time which children spend on[->in，回头复习下spend on 和 spend in的用法] watching TV is considerably more than ever before, [这里该断句了]on the contrary, they take[take应该指做什么事情需要多少花时间的意思，不是说某人花多少时间在什么事请上] less time to attend active or creative things[不用take又不要重复spend，这句话要大改了，(其实on the contrary放在这里也不好)，如：As a result, there would be less time for them to ...]. In this essay, I will try to analyze possible caused[词性不对，低级语法错] and then propose some feasible solutions.
The reasons which contribute to this situation are diverse. To begin with, the more colorful and attractive TV programs should be responsible for this problem. Since the diversity of programs is increasingly greater than before, teenagers would like to cost[用法同take，在这里也是不合适的。可以用spend，arrange，use等等] more time to watch TV instead of doing other activity[ies]. Moreover, it is a major cause that working parents do not have the[或者enough] time to accompany[或者用supervise] their children. Facing growingly fierce competition and tremendous stress in their work, therefore, parents have to pay more attention to their job instead of their children. Last but not least, lack of facilities which are used to provide for youngsters also results in the fact[the fact有点指代不清楚]. It is easy to understand the fact that parents prefer to let their children stat at home watching TV, rather than allowing they [to] play in the street.
Therefore, measures should be taken to combat these situations[->problems]. First of all, TV programs should be restricted, especially for these lacking educational content. Specifically, both parents and the government should pay more attention to [pay attention to后面应该接名词性的，整个这一句话语法很不通，像是chinglish] limit adolescents watch too much TV programs. Secondly, parents should be more aware of the future consequence of spending less time with their children. It is necessary to cultivate children’s sense of family; therefore, parents would better to squeeze time to accompany their children. Lastly, the government should sponsor more safe facilities for children which can be used to attend activities. [Then] Parents would not worry about the safety of their children when there are administers [who are，删掉，有些罗嗦了] responsible for their children.
In conclusion, a variety of reasons are responsible for this situation; therefore, we should take a range of measures, including programs restriction, more time accompanying children and more safe facilities.
低级语法错有一些，用词不够准确。整体论述感觉还行。
[]
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-19 19:12
Writing 17[2011.3.15] 消费者日
Travel by air is becoming cheaper and cheaper. Some people think it is beneficial, but other people think it has drawbacks to environment and the resoursed of the world. What is your opinion?
It is a high contentious issue that whether the merits of cheaper flight ticket outweigh its demerits. Some people advocate that the whole society would benefit a great deal from these cheap tickets, while others argue that it could result in environmental problems and depletion of resources. In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that its benefits outnumber its defects.
The situation of increasingly cheaper flight tickets continues to a variety of favorable aspects. To begin with, it is generally believed that travel by air can save the time of travelling to other place. Especially for businessmen, they spend most of their time in having a business trip. Therefore, taking plane would help them squeeze more time to accompany with their family. Moreover, the widespread use of plane is responsible for the development of economy. This is because an increasing number of people would like to have a trip, while it is more convenient to travel by plane.
Admittedly, the unfavorable consequence of overusing plane cannot be ignored. First of all, it is a major cause of environmental pollution. The waste produced by aircraft is growing more than ever before. For instance, it is even difficult to breathe in some of developed cities. Secondly, this behavior can trigger the depletion of resources. The aircraft is powered by fuel, which is disposable resource. The more we use now, the less we will have in the future.
In conclusion, although the undesirable aspects such as environmental pollution, resource depletion are so serious, I still insist that the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.
作者: eihks623 时间: 2011-3-20 06:12
Writing 18[2011.3.16] You are a passenger of an airline company and during the flight you feel extremely unsatisfactory to the service. Please write a Letter of Complaint to the company. In your letter, you should
1. Say how you are ignored
2. Give some suggestions to fix the problem
3. Tell the owner further action will be taken if this problem remains unsolved.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to complain about your service on the flight which I took last week.
I did not satisfy your service which is provided in your flight. I asked airhostesses to send me a cup of water, and they did not send it to me until I asked for five times. As you know, I need to take medicine before lunch time, so I have to get some water. Relating to deliver dinner, your airhostesses are so rude, that my package of food was broken. And I asked them to help me change another one. And I also wait more than half an hour. When I got the meal, the plane was preparing for landing. Therefore, I eat nothing during the flight.
I want to propose some advice to you, which I hope can help you to resolve the problem. First of all, the airhostesses are needed to be trained by some experts. This is because they need learn how to service their clients. Secondly, you should arrange some supervisors to monitor the behavior of airhostesses with an aim to improve the quality of service.
I hope you can apologize for your bad service to me, because I feel so unsatisfactory with your service. Otherwise, I will never take the flight of your company, and I also will tell my friends and colleagues never take your flights.
I am looking forward to your reply.
Yours Sincerely,
作者: 长线晾衫 时间: 2011-3-20 10:32
I admire your perpetual.
Your languages are more smoothly and easyto follow. I think you can get 6 or 6+ in the test.
It is a highly contentious issue that whether the merits ofcheaper flight ticket outweigh its demerits. Some people advocate that thewhole society would benefit a great deal from thesecheap tickets, while others argue that it could result in environmentalproblems ( degradation ) and depletion ofresources. In my opinion, I hold the viewpoint that itsbenefits outnumber its defects.
The situation of increasingly cheaper flight tickets continues to a variety of(various) favorable aspects. To begin with, it isgenerally believed that travel by air can save the time of travelling to otherplace., Especially for businessmen, (who) spend most of their time in having a businesstrip. Therefore, taking plane would help themsqueeze more time to accompany with their family.
Moreover, the widespread use of plane is responsible(helpful) for the development of economy. This is because an increasing number of peoplewould like to have a trip for its convenience, while it is more convenient to travel by plane.
Admittedly, the unfavorable consequence of overusing plane cannotbe ignored. First of all, it is a major cause of environmental pollution. Thewastes produced by aircraft is are growing more thanever before. For instance, it is even difficult to breathe in some of developedcities(this may not be caused by air plane, after all “developed”to illustrate county is not applicable on city). Secondly, this behavior can trigger the depletion of resources. The aircraftis powered by fuel, which is disposable resource.
The fuel consumptionof an aircraft is hundreds times than that of an ordinary vehicle. The airindustry can trigger the depletion of resources. The more we use now,the less we will have in the future.
In conclusion, although the undesirable aspects such as environmentalpollution, resource depletion are so serious, I still insist that theadvantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages.( you have a logical error. If the pollution is so serious, then you mustinsist that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages)
Inthis article, you mistake in weak argument of the advantages while illustratingthe adverse impact so strongly)
作者: 李家沟 时间: 2011-3-20 13:45
这封信让我笑死了，哈哈哈后
作者: boby8bs 时间: 2011-3-20 18:05
不过严肃的说，要是考试写成这样的信，分数不会高，我感觉
英文信，一是表意清楚，二是有礼貌
另外一定要用一些惯用句子。比如开头结尾。I am looking forward to your reply. 这句子就极其不地道
Writing19 [考前最后一篇了,明天一早赶赴济南,谢谢大家的帮忙.]
You rented an apartment for a holiday last year and you are happy with it although there is a problem with it. You want to rent it again this year, write a letter about: 1. Why you are happy with it
2. What the problem is
3. Give information of the details and dates you required.
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to seek accommodation from your company for my vacation.
Last year, I rented an apartment from your company, in which I had a great time. The room was so tidy, and the service was provided by the waiter was excellent. The waiters were well-trained, and they always knew what I needed and when the items should be sent to me. At the same time, they never interrupted the games which I played with my family. Therefore, considering the excellent service, I would like to rent the apartment again in two weeks.
However, there was a problem which annoyed me at night. It was the flags outside the front window. At night, the wind blew the flags, which could hit the glasses of the window. It made little sound, but at the quiet night, it really bothered me. Therefore, I hope you could move the flags more than 2 meters away from the windows.
I would like to reserve room 303, the same room as last year. I will take my wife go there with me in May 5th.
I am looking forward to receiving your replay. Thanks for your kind assistance.
Yours sincerely,
作者: 梦醒却是入梦时 时间: 2011-3-21 20:26
I am looking forward to your reply.应改为I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.