There are a million kinds of happiness that you can not seek your own one by following others' trace. Not only are the conditions different, but also people have various experience.<br />
<br />
Taking watermelon for example, if you give it to a beggar, he will be so pleasant that he will feel great happiness. Then you give the same one to a cook, maybe it just means no more than a watermelon for him. However, if you give it to those who never meet or eat watermelon, they will find it tasty and feel great happiness just like the beggar.<br />
<br />
Although people only can define their own happiness, there are some common factors that affect achieving happiness. Courage is the most important one among them. <br />
<br />
People are born with dreams, but not always with courage. They are always told to be careful, be realistic, be aware of the limitation of being hunman, then just give up without any try. If they were given more courage, they would have got a chance to successed and win the happiness.If Martin Luther King did not own great courage, he and millions of Americans would not have had the happiness of freedom. If Gandhi were realistic, he would not have freed India from the governing of UK.<br />
<br />
Happiness may means different things to different people, only in the way of courage can you achive your happiness. Advance people with great courage aching for their own happiness.
作者: 陆军1号 时间: 2011-3-30 18:11
应该把题目贴出来，要不然大伙就只能单纯从语言的角度帮你分析了。
没记错的话，这个应该是针对剑4的一篇task2吧。
1. 让你证明happiness is hard to define
2. factors involved to happiness
1. 论点不明确，看完第二段，没看懂你要证明什么
2. 论据不充分，第二段只能作为happiness is hard to define的一个分论点(requirement)的一个举例。
3. 第三段说了有a couple of factors， 然后指出courage，但是为什么要结束这段呢？而下一段又重新说courage。
4. 关于factors，其实你就指出了一个courage
5. 感觉整篇文章都在举例，看着有些空
非常感谢 黯然销魂草莓冰 和 guangnian0412 的建议，下面是我看了 十天 之后的修改的结果，请大家帮忙 指正。
People are born with dreams, and also with the right of seeking happness.There are a million kinds of happiness that you can not seek your own one by following others' trace. However, exists some common factors that affect achieving happiness. In that essay, I will explore the the definition and factors of happiness.
Happiness may means different things to different people. Not only are the conditions different, but also various people have various experience.Taking watermelon for example, if you give it to a beggar, he will be so pleasant that he will feel great happiness. Then you give the same one to a cook, maybe it just means no more than a watermelon for him. However, if you give it to those who never meet or eat watermelon, they will find it tasty and feel great happiness just like the beggar.
Although people only can define their own happiness, there are some common factors that affect achieving happiness such as courage and choice. Courage is one of the most important ones. People are always told to be careful, be realistic, be aware of the limitations of being hunman, then they just give up without any try. If they were given more courage, they would have got a chance to successed and win thier own happiness.If Gandhi were realistic, he would not have freed India from the governing of UK. Choice is another significant factor. There is a saying:"Decided we become the kind of person, not our ability, but our choice.". This theory also applies to happiness. Only in the way of making right choice, can people feel greatly happy. When a man seeks something unsuitable for himself, even he gets it, then he will not feel happy. Both the process and result will be bitter.
In conclusion, different people have different opinions about happiness. Only in the way of great courage and right choice， can people achive their own happiness.