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标题: 第一次发篇作文求各位前辈们指点 [打印本页]

作者: gvjjxaxa13    时间: 2011-3-26 17:42
标题: 第一次发篇作文求各位前辈们指点


各位前辈们好,<br />
<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp; 我是要考雅思4个6分的,3月19日去第一次裸考了一次,感觉拿4个6的可能性不大,最近开始练习写作文,才发现作文确实不容易。今天写了一篇书信和一篇作文,特意贴上来求各位前辈们批改一下,我知道论坛上的高手前辈如云,希望大家都给点建议。小弟在此,不胜感激!<br />
---------------------------letter----------------------------------------<br />
You celebrated your birthday with some friends last week in a restaurant. It was a great success and you and your friends enjoyed the evening very much.<br />
Write a letter to the restaurant to thank them. Mention the food, service and the atmosphere. Also suggest any improvements to make things better.<br />
<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp; * You should write at least 150 words.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp; * You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp; * You do NOT need to write your own address.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear manager,<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;I am a customer who went to your restaurant to have dinner with my friends. Today, i want to write to you to express my great thanks to your restaurant.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;Last week, some of my friends and I got together to celebrate my birthday. While we were seeking for better restaurant, One of my friend suggested us to go to your restaurant, it was the first time that i went to your restaurant to have dinner.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;To be honest, The food your restaurant provided is really delicious.Everyone said that,not only me but also each of my friends. We all like them very much. <br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;Furthermore, your restaurant also provide best service to the customers. I have had dinner with my friends in many restaurants. However, their service are all worse than yours. We really appreciate it. The atmosphere your restaurant provides was also good. In the whole process, we all didn't be disturbed by others and we all feel quiet and comfortable.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;The only suggestion that I would gave is about the price.Compared with other same level of restaurants, your price are higher. It would lead many people especially many university students besides your restaurant don't choose your restaurant. In my opinion, your restaurant could get more customers and earn more if the price can become lower.<br />
&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;In the end, I would like to express my thanks to your restaurant again.<br />
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
<br />
----------------------------------essay---------------------------------------------------------<br />
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve<br />
the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.<br />
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.<br />
?<br />
You should write at least 250 words.<br />
<br />
In many palces today, people have to work very hard and live a busy life in order to get a good salary and a brilliant furture. As competition becomes more and more keen, some people even choose to attend different activities that can improve their mind during leisure time. They believe these activities would strengthen their competitiveforces. In fact, the investigations that come from some research institutions indicate it is more important for people to rest the mind during leisure time.Escepially for that kinds of people who always been in the busy working status. <br />
<br />
From my own view,I agree with the investigation results which concluded by the research institutions,Compared using leisure time for activities, it would be a better choice for people to rest the mind during leisure time.People prefer to rest the mind during leisure time should be more welcomed in our society.<br />
<br />
First of all, I believe work and rest are the same important in our daily life. Anyone who has worked in one orgrnization all need to have enough rest during leisure time. I still remembered my first manager who worked in my last company always told me that the people who don't know how to rest certainly don't know how to work. He said he never accept the candidate who doesn't know how to rest.I still believe his opinion is correct until today.If people can't give themselves good rest during leisure time, they always can't finish their work in time because their work effiency is too low.<br />
<br />
Besides, In my opinion, to live a good life is the most important thing in our existing years in the world. The purpose we work is to help us live a better life. Obviously, enough rest during leisure time is an essential part in our daily life. It would play a key role for one person's beautiful life.It would be difficult for us to imagine one person who always use his or her leisure time for many activities can live a happy and healthy life. <br />
<br />
To sum up,It is very important for people to rest the mind during spare time. Since it is one good choice for people to join in activities which can improve the mind. However, it would be more helpful <br />
and important for people to get enough rest during their leisure time.<br />
<br />
<br />
以上就是今天我写的,还请各位前辈赐教指点,谢谢<br />
<br />
[]




作者: sfhl5042    时间: 2011-3-27 02:37


你一直写到深夜
然后发上来的么

鼓励鼓励

不过今天太晚了
帮你顶一下
明天大家一起看看



作者: gvjjxaxa13    时间: 2011-3-27 05:20




太感谢前辈了,我发现我晚上的学习效率比白天高很多,所以我比较愿意选择学习到很晚,然后第二天睡到快中午起床(我辞工全职在家复习);不过明天我得去上training course,所以我现在也要去睡觉了。。。请前辈明天帮我指正一二,谢谢了







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