Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.<br />
To what extent do you agree or disagree? <br />
What other measures do you think might be effective?<br />
at least 250 words<br />
<br />
When it comes to the issue of whether to increase the price of petrol or other fossil fuel is the best way we can solve the increasingly disturbing traffic and pollution problems, personally, I cannot say it's a trick given by Mr. monopoly, but I think we can never solve this environmental concern at all by the given way.<br />
<br />
It seems might be true that to higher the price of petrol and diesel can contribute to the decrease of frequency of using of cars or airplanes on daily basis. However, none of us would like to go back to the inconvenient and inefficient status qua that people have to do much more and spend a great deal of time and expenses on travelling, which can be thought of as a kind of wasting of life compared with our currently modern lifestyle. What can be more disturbing is that some car owners who are not wealth enough, may be not able to afford the rocket-high prices any more; therefore, many of them will be deprived of interests they have had.<br />
<br />
Given that the added price can be used as financial resources to cop with various problems caused by fuel-consumed vehicles, it may sound reasonable. Nevertheless, in reality, while we have to concede that the price of the fossil oil has included many taxes imposed by governments in most of countries around the world and the related taxes have never been relieving, the fact is that the environment problems have never been changed positively.<br />
<br />
Therefore, the way of preventing our precious environment should not be met at expense of breaking the market rule and compulsively putting the heavy burden on the people, but should be taken in other measures. Actually, there are many effective approaches to achieve this aim including popularizing the hi-tech vehicle using green and renewable fuel and developing well-planned city road structure and reasonable traffic regulation. Also, raising the public consciousness of significance of environment protection is an important component of measures tackling the issue, which means encourage people to do their own affect.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, there is a generally a wide rang of ways we should try to improve the situation. I think increasing the price of necessaries of people’s lives is nether reasonable nor viable.<br />
<br />
___________________________<br />
使劲拍.特别是文法什么的.<br />
文章结构有些不符合雅思,已知情况.<br />
文章结尾部分直接插入bee同学的桥段,版权免责声明,呵呵.
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-20 08:42
文章好像有些长 拿手机写的 有些失控...
作者: 风陪着风筝 时间: 2011-5-20 10:50
手机写作文，牛逼！
作者: kajv28 时间: 2011-5-20 20:44
The total of word is 378, it's too long. When the essay asked for at least 250 words, the most you can write is up to 280. Try to control your writing by using short sentences. Certain sentences can be simplified. "t seems might be true that to higher the price of petrol", I think it should be "to increase the price of petrol".
Anyway, I think it should be no problem for you to score band 6 and above.
作者: key531hm4 时间: 2011-5-20 23:00
Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?
at least 250 words
When it comes to the issue of whether to increase the price of petrol or other fossil fuel is the best way we can solve the increasingly disturbing traffic and pollution problems, personally, I cannot say it's a trick given by Mr. monopoly, but I think we can never solve this environmental concern at all by the given way.
第一段第一句太长了，可以考虑分成两个句子。用前后指代来串联起来会更自然一点。
It seems might be true that to higher the price of petrol and diesel can contribute to the decrease of frequency of using of cars or airplanes on daily basis. However, none of us would like to go back to the inconvenient and inefficient status qua that people have to do much more and spend a great deal of time and expenses on travelling, which can be thought of as a kind of wasting of life compared with our currently modern lifestyle. What can be more disturbing is that some car owners who are not wealth enough, may be not able to afford the rocket-high prices any more; therefore, many of them will be deprived of interests they have had.
第二段
It seems might be true 好像语法不对 seem 跟 be 都是动词，要用也只能用maybe，但是用maybe 我也觉得很奇怪。建议直接去掉might be 或用possibly跟probably。
the decrease of frequency of using of cars or airplanes 好多of啊。 可以这么说 decreasing the frequency of cars and airplanes utilization……
do much more 貌似有点煞风景。 That on traveling, people have to take it with more effort and to spend a …..
disturb 用过就换词为好。Annoy。 后面跟的从句感觉需要重写……立意再斟酌斟酌……
Given that the added price can be used as financial resources to cop with various problems caused by fuel-consumed vehicles, it may sound reasonable. Nevertheless, in reality, while we have to concede that the price of the fossil oil has included many taxes imposed by governments in most of countries around the world and the related taxes have never been relieving, the fact is that the environment problems have never been changed positively.
第三段
cop with？不懂……
many taxes最好写 good amount of tax
Therefore, the way of preventing our precious environment should not be met at expense of breaking the market rule and compulsively putting the heavy burden on the people, but should be taken in other measures. Actually, there are many effective approaches to achieve this aim including popularizing the hi-tech vehicle using green and renewable fuel and developing well-planned city road structure and reasonable traffic regulation. Also, raising the public consciousness of significance of environment protection is an important component of measures tackling the issue, which means encourage people to do their own affect.
第四段
preventing our precious environment from what要写上去，不然就不完整了……
句子好长……我吃不消了……
In conclusion, there is a generally a wide rang of ways we should try to improve the situation. I think increasing the price of necessaries of people’s lives is nether reasonable nor viable.
最后一段好眼熟……
作者: 帝里风光 时间: 2011-5-21 10:56
Given that the added price 是不是可以改为 Given that the increased price
作者: 87gyhupwn7 时间: 2011-5-21 15:03
Completely agree with you. Most of the sentences are too long. The longer you write, the more mistake you will make. A good essay doesn't mean you must use a lot of bombastic or difficult words. A good essay must keep your sentences short and clear. The content must straight to the points and to meet the requirement of the question. The longer sentence you write, will make you lose your focus at last. I also only scored 6 in my IELTS. I only took one time and scored 6.5 average. Plan to resit for the exam and aim for 7 and above.
sure,it is really too long to be finished in half hour.
作者: 彭东 时间: 2011-5-23 05:15
To control your words within 250 - 280 actually is a big challenge. I give you some suggestions here. Try to control your essay in 5 paragraphs. First paragraph is the beginning, second, third and forth are the content and the last paragraph is the conclusion. And each paragraph control around 50 to 60 words. This will avoid you from writing too long and out of your control. And you can see clearly how many points you have in your writing. Or else you may only have one or two points and already finish up to 300 words. Hopefully my suggestion will help.
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-23 12:25
眼熟是因为这句是bee同学写的 直接抢来用的 但貌似这个句子是俺以前给调的 所以就不客气了
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-23 23:20
sorry, I am not sure , I really wondered the way of idiomatic expression as well.
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作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-24 02:32
It's true & agree with u and GOOD LUCY FOR U
TBH,I really want to learn what should I do to shorten these long long long sentences that look bad and I failed to control the point with this issue. so could u show me how to make them short and awesome? THX
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-24 13:09
one of some tough things for me is control the desire to tell the truth, which is a form of addiction.
yep, I did felt I've used up over 300+ words while the essay was just unfinished
thanks for your helpful advices
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-24 16:57
每一句都觉得太长 我话痨 我检讨.
作者: 章山 时间: 2011-5-25 01:34
price of necessaries of people’s lives
可能改成price of daily necessities 好些.
作者: vjkx1906 时间: 2011-5-25 08:26
You know why it's difficult for you to shorten your sentences? I think maybe when you write, you think in Chinese and just translate your idea into English. Try to think in English, then you will write directly and not to translate your Chinese idea into English. Don't mind I correct some of your grammar mistake? "I did felt" should be "I did feel" because "did" already show past tense. Don't worry, basically your English is considered good. You just need to control your sentence length. That's it.
4月份你帮着挑语病的是下面这句啦，不是这篇
There is a wide range of people discussing who should be capable to decide the life style of individuals, the governments or individuals.