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Topic: It is generally believed that some people are born withcertain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However,it is s child can sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become agood sports person or musician.<br />
Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.<br />
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The issue of whether certain talents such as sport or music are inborn or nurtured has sparked off an intense debate. Although some people argued that everyonecan become excellent in sports or music if properly trained, regardless oftheir nature conditions. I personally believe only those with nature gifts have the possibility to be successful in the specific fields of sports or music.<br />
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To begin with, it is manifest that everyone is born different physically and psychologically due to the programming of DNA, which leads to the fact that some people are genetically superior in certain areas while others are not.That those taller parents are more likely to have taller children is a good case in point. Similarly, children whose parents are musicians tend to perform better in singing or instruments playing than others. Hence, nature talent does exist.<br />
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Furthermore,specific fields like sports or music necessitate varied body conditions,thereby to some extent enabling gifted individuals more easily to attain success. Specifically, evidence abounds in the respect that tall basketball players with quick response ability and flexible moving skills are more likely to perform well in a team than their short counterparts. Besides, according to a survey conducted by Chinese Sports Association, more than 95% basketball professionals are over 1.80 metres tall. Therefore, it is evident that talents play a pivotal role in achieving success in certain arena of music and sports.<br />
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Admittedly, individuals would not succeed merely by talents. Gifted individuals, if not scientifically trained, turned out to be mean. Only through hardworking does talented peoples’ potential be exploited and developed, thereby contributing to their future success.<br />
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To conclude, I concede that training plays a positive role in becoming a good sports person or musician. Nevertheless, I am convinced that talents should not be neglected due to the existence of genes and specific requirements of varied fields such as sports and music.<br />
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Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.<br />
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.<br />
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The issue of whether there should be fixed punishments or flexible ones has sparked off an intense debate in the realm of legal system. From my perspective, it would be a fair and practicable means of crime punishment, if apply flexibility within certain fixed range of punishment for each type of crime.<br />
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Obviously, advocates of fixed penalty raise this opinion based on the fundamental principle of justice. The absence of unifying and equal punishments for crime,more often than not, is likely to cause an increasing number of corruptions and even a devastating disaster of the legal system. Given the free decision power of crime penalty, judges and jury are exposed to various temptations which aim to lure them to make biased conclusions. And this, in turn, would destroy the public belief in legal society.<br />
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On the other hand, opponents argue that it would be unfair to apply fixed penalty as every individual crime has different motivation and exerts varied-degree influence even though they are classified into the same crime group. Take an extreme case for example. If a hungry mother who has stolen a piece of bread for her dying child for the first time were punished as severely as a repeated theft, it would be unconvincing for the public to understand.<br />
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To conclude, from my perspective, I believe a perfect way to solve this dilemma is to combine these two approaches. In other words, it means to build a legal system which limits the punishments level in a fixed range for each type of crime while within the range, flexible punishment degree is permitted depending on the factors such as motivation of crime.<br />
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作者: rwehua5279 时间: 2011-5-9 11:52
不好意思最近比较忙，偷空来FreeOZ 透气的时候。帖子却沉了没看见。
先顶起来，让大家一起来修改吧。回头再给你看。但偷偷看了看前面两段。感觉语法不太顺畅。
作者: likesolitude 时间: 2011-5-9 16:29
The issue of whethercertain talents such as sport or music are inborn or nurtured has sparked offan intense debate. Although some people argued[argue] that everyone[?every child (I think the topic is about children)] can become excellent in sports or music if properly trained,regardless of their nature [natural] conditions. I personallybelieve [that] only those with nature [natural/inborn/inherent] gifts havethe possibility [are likely] to be successful in specific fieldsof sports or music.
To begin with, it is manifest that everyone[I think “every people” is better. “everyone” is pronoun, not a noun] is born different physically and psychologically due to the programming of DNA [? his DNA], whichleads to the fact that some people are genetically superior in certain areaswhile others are not.[which makes him genetically superior to the others incertain areas.] That those taller parents are more likely to have tallerchildren is a good case in point. Similarly, children whose parents are musicianstend to perform better in singing or instruments playing than others. Hence, nature[natural] talent does exist.
Furthermore, specific fields like sports ormusic necessitate varied body conditions, thereby to some extent enablinggifted individuals more easily to attain success. Specifically, evidenceabounds in the respect that tall basketball players with quick response abilityand flexible moving skills are more likely to perform well in a team than theirshort counterparts. Besides, according to a survey conducted by Chinese SportsAssociation, more than 95% basketball professionals are over 1.80 metres[metre (use singular before noun)] tall. Therefore, it is evident that talentsplay a pivotal role in achieving success in certain arena of music and sports. Admittedly, individuals would not succeed merelyby talents. Gifted individuals, if not scientifically trained, turned [mightturn] out to be mean [do you mean “common”? I think “be mean” means “bebad, be stingy”]. Only through hardworking does talented peoples’[people’s (people is plural)] potential be exploited and developed, therebycontributing to their future success. [I didn’t get what you want to say inthis sentence (from “Only through …”)]
To conclude, I concede that training plays apositive role in becoming a good sports person or musician. Nevertheless, I amconvinced [? I think you should convince the reader, but not be convinced by someone] that talents should not be neglected due to the existence of genesand specific requirements of varied [different (I think “varied” means “changed”but not “several different types of”)] fields such as sports and music. （Sorry, I got a headache! I have no idea what your point is.）
Comments
1. I think you used toomany conjunctions and they caused too many unnecessary pauses between sentences.In my opinion, if the logic is clear, noneed to use a conjunction. We use conjunctions to avoid confusing or to remind the readers the logical relationship between long sentences.
2. I feel you try tomake every sentence complex and stuff too many grammar tricks into it. This made me feel very tired after reading your essay. Try to use some simplesentences.
3. I think you can tryto use some simple adjectives, such as “different” instead of “varied”. Usingadjectives and adverbs accurately is very difficult. For our non-nativespeakers, common adjectives can avoid many misleading risks.
4. Personally, I don’tthink this essay is funny and the same meaning is almost repeated three times. Icannot say it digressed but I cannot find out you discussed the “both theseviews” neither.
Suggestion:
First, makethe essay easily to be read and let the reader feel it funny.
Second, avoidgrammar and adjective/adverb mistakes or misleading.
Third, if confident, brushsome sentences with your tricks and insert some necessary conjunctions to make your logicstrong.
Although some people argued that everyone can become excellent in sports or music if [主语是什么？被动还是主动？] properly trained, regardless of their nature conditions
B。复杂句能用而且句式要多变。可是尽量不要使用嵌套多于 2层。
To begin with [ 这个开头很别扭， 应该是没见过native 用这个不完整的adv 开头的], it is manifest that everyone is born different physically and psychologically due to the programming of DNA, which leads to the fact that some people are genetically superior in certain areas while others are not. 这个句子很冗长。主要原因是你套了太多层从句了。 e.g. DNA from everyone is unique， which determine the distinctive formation of inborn talent of each individual. Some people may be genetically superior to [the] others physically and psychologically. 注意了，别忘了对照的时候，很多时候都要用 [the] others。 另外 while 后面的就是另外一个句子了，所以 while 前面要用分号 [；]
Gifted individuals, if not scientifically trained, turned [mightturn] out to be mean [do you mean “common”? I think “be mean” means “bebad, be stingy”]. Only through hardworking does talented peoples’[people’s (people is plural)] potential be exploited and developed, therebycontributing to their future success. [I didn’t get what you want to say inthis sentence (from “Only through …”)]
Topic: Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, others, however, believe that people should have the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, an increasing number of people begin to take part in dangerous sports and some of them even have lost their lives in these sports. Whether governments should forbid people playing such sports has sparked off an intense debate. Personally, I am against banning them.
Some people argue that governments ought to ban dangerous sports because they might harm people’s health and even threaten their lives. However, any sports risks can be controlled within an acceptable range if people are well-acquainted with related skills and sports rules. For instance, with adequate knowledge and training, scuba divers can surely enjoy a safe dive under the sea. Conversely, when people do not follow the instructions, yoga, though considered quite safe, could easily cause harms to muscles and bones. Hence, what people should do is to control the risks of sports, rather than to simply abandon them.
In addition, prohibition of so called “dangerous sports” would prevent people from enjoying some beautiful nature. By this I mean, people will certainly not die from some dangerous sports because they never play them. However, they also lose the opportunity to experience more and broaden their horizons, which is doubtless an important part of life. For example, people who are not allowed to scuba dive cannot enjoy how splendid and tranquil the submarine world is. Likewise, people cannot feel the grandeur of mountain if they do not climb it at all. Therefore, the merits of such sports should not be neglected.
Last but not least, the assumption that governments have the right to decide which sports for people to participate in has some problems. Modern governments do not have unlimited rights or responsibilities. Rather, they have to leave the personal choices to individuals themselves to decide since they have the freedom to do so. Admittedly, governments could give some suggestions and instructions in terms of sports safety; however, these should not be compulsory.
To conclude, people should be allowed to play whatever sports they like regardless of the sports type.
作者: liuyunpiao 时间: 2011-5-12 02:09
这篇写得挺顺畅的。只有几个小提议：
第二段第一句，让我看完以后以为你要围绕 “governments ought to ban dangerous sports” 展开一轮，谁知道第二句就 however, 结果整个段落中心句都转了。虽然主题句放在第一二句都没有问题，可是这么绕感觉不很好。我建议在段落前面再加一句短语，概括中心。表达一下所有运动都有两面性。或者简单来一句： Every sport has its own rule to be followed. 起点睛的作用。后面再展开你已经有的解释。
最后总结段太短。 除非写作很仓促，否则还是建议归纳前文中心点。注意是点睛的点。
另外就是句子完整性：
with adequate knowledge （of what??） 老外语言老师通常很讨厌 中国人 整天大谈 knowledge 但又不说是什么knowledge..
enjoying some beautiful nature (of what??) 这句话就是没说完。口语要是也这样，准扣分。
opportunity to experience more （fun?）
Rather, they have to leave the personal choices to individuals themselves to decide since they have the freedom to do so. (两个 They 但他们指代不一，引起歧义)
Admittedly, governments could give some suggestions and instructions in terms of (optional)sports safety ( guidances); however, these should not be (mandatory regulations).