今天看到heb30的帖子说9月3日的雅思成绩出来了，我非常紧张地登陆网站查询，结果很出乎意料：听力6.5/阅读6.5/写作6.5/口语6，我简直不敢相信自己的眼睛。这个成绩对于坛子里的牛人们来说根本不值一提，可是对我这个基础差得要死，写作从没考过6分的人来说，真是天大的惊喜，终于过了，这也意味着自己不用去参加9月24日的那一场可以说是决定命运的考试，如果那一天还要坐到考场里，我估计自己也会吓得考不出什么了吧！<br />
这里非常隆重地感谢localau的TZ们，自8月23日第一次发求助帖，好多热心的网友加入进来，大家提出各种意见建议，而且是非常详细中肯的，我和LP几乎每天都要打开帖子研究大家的回复意见。一些网友像3WU、Vzrain、Kuthlaav、YUEXMA等等还逐字、逐段地分析说明，用LP的话说“比我的VIP写作老师还上心”。还有一位叫jho的网友主动发来短信让我们加QQ，并和我们分享他的作文考试经验，真的让人非常感动。不管怎么说，这次能过，我觉得有幸运的成份，也有我自己的一点努力，不过让我感触最深的还是来自家人的支持以及陌生人的热诚。再次衷心地谢谢大家！<br />
<br />
这一年来考了不知多少次了，其他项都上了6分，就是写作一直5分或5.5，平时练习作文都写了两个笔记本了，培训课也交了不少钱，但写作就是提高不上去，不知问题出在哪里，恳请坛子里的高手帮忙指正下，先谢谢大家了。小作文：<br />
a.Your English teacher who taught you several years have invited you to have a meal at his house, but you can not go,1)explain the reason;2) suggest next arrangement;3)tell him about yourself and your improvement in English learning.<br />
<br />
我的练习：<br />
Dear Professor James:<br />
Thank you for inviting me to have meals at your house next Friday. It was my great honor. I am sorry to tell you that I am not available on that day. Because I have an exam at my university. I am sorry for any inconvenience caused by this change.<br />
After finishing the high school,I was accepted by XX University with the major of English. In the university, I always use the methods you taught me to practice English, which makes great contribution to my overall English ability. When it comes to this ,I should take this opportunity to thank you. In the final exam last year, I won the first prize in the Department of English. And this year I am going to study Cambridge Business English for getting a favourable position in future.<br />
Last week, we were informed that we will have final exam on next Fiday. So important the exam is that I can not miss. But it causes you many inconvenience. Please forgive me. I am very happy to have an opportunity to have meal with you . Considering that I have exam on Friday. Is it possible to arrange on Monday, 26th July? If it is not suit your schedule, please let me know. So we can make alternative arrangement. You can contact me on XXXX. I am looking forward to hearing from you.<br />
<br />
Best regards<br />
<br />
[]
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-8-23 20:40
大作文： Some believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and use up the world "fuel resource",to what extent, do ou agree and disagree.
The subject of the relative of air travel and environmental problem is a frequent topic discussed by general public air trave, some believe that should be retricted as it causes severe pollution and use up all the fuel resource. In this essay, I intend to analyze this issue.
Manifest is the fact that air travel produce. Serious pollution on the world. To begin with, fossil fuel is the main resource to air travel and burning of fuel emits a great deal of Carbon dioxide , which results in the global warming. That is the reason why many endanger species are on the verge of extinction.The second pollution I want to mention is noise pollution. Well-known is that air planes produce great noise to the community in the vicinity of the airport. It is very common for people living around the airport to suffer insomnia and other mental diseases caused by noise.
On the other hand, from certain aspect, I do not agree with opinion that air travel consume all the fuel resource in the world. As the common knowledge tells me that the fuel resource is also used in other aspects ,such as households, traffics, to make the great contribution to the progress of our society. And air planes only consume one fifth of all the resource.
From what discussed above, I can safely draw a conclusion that air travel does produce severe pollution, but it does not use up all the resource. Therefore, some on essential flights can be cut down to reduce the pollution.
1. 一看就中国文体味太浓的议论文， 比如In this essay, I intend to analyze this issue. 读了通篇总感觉遣词不太地道，有点像拼模板
2. The second pollution I want to mention is noise pollution 这种mention什么的口语化单词最好不要出现
3 语法错误还是不少
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-8-24 23:22
谢谢LS的，希望大家继续指出问题啊。。
作者: it5f1m4i0e 时间: 2011-8-25 06:55
楼主,你背了几篇范文? 我之前也是总是5.5,后来背了5篇范文,感觉不一样了,写的时候.建议你试试
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-8-25 18:12
To #9：背范文还真没试过，因为经常被告诫说不要套模板，不要背范文，所以也就没去试了，真的这么有效吗？看来我接下来我要加进这个训练。谢谢。
4 The main purpose of public libraries is to provide books so they should not waste their limited resources on providing hi-tech media such as computer software, videos and DVDs. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?
With the widespread use of computers ,hi-tech media are increasingly becoming available in many public libraries.Some people believe that the main function of public libraries should be providing books rather than hi-tech media such as computer software,videos and DVDs because of their litimed resources .To the best of my knowledge,public libraries can supplement the traditional services with high thecnological innovations.
Instead of wasting their resources ,hi-tech media has its own inherent advantages to help public libraries to utilise their equipment and facilities more effectively.Firstly,multi-media equipment can store a massive amount of information without taking up much space.For instance,one computer can hold more information than thousands of books.Secondly,all the data stored in multimedia equipment can be swiftly and conveniently searched and downloaded via a home computer which is connected to the library servers through internet.To users who are too busy to visit libreries ,it is much less time-consuming.It is also benecial to people who live in isolated areas with bad transportment.Finally, videos and DVDs can contain voice and pictures which enliven the user's experience.Especially for those who deem reading books as a dull activity,hi-tech media could be entertaining and engaging.
Although multimedia is considered as a promising substitute for traditional books in the future,the demand for paper books still exist.Some people still need to go to libraries because they could not afford a computer .Others may prefer to reading a real book rather than staring at the computer's screen which has negative impacts on people' s eyesight.Moreover,public libraries have a duty to preserve a large number of old,precious and historical books.
In conlusion ,both traditional books and hi-tech media have their own merits and they are not mutually exclusive.Public libraries can dedicate money to purchase hi-tech equipment and continue to provide traditional services.
1. 开头重复使用题目关键词。不得分。
2。第一段没有扣题 "to what extent, do ou agree and disagree“ 题目根本没要你分析。你 analyze this issue 都 分析个啥？
3。没有中心局。第二段 头两句你是用错标点符号了吗？ 反正是 全段没有一个中心局。而且 跟 TZ ”新格咪咪“刚开始的问题类似， 段内多分点。。等于没点。
4。 fuel resource 使用 N 次，单词不得分。
5。句子不完整， 没有适当使用连词（这可是 6分基本标准呀）： And air planes only consume one fifth of all the resource.
这句话显然就是没说完，你至少用个 So ， therefore..之类的提出观点 来支撑你的论据吧。
6。 你很明显是在套用句式，但又不灵活运用： Therefore, some on essential flights can be cut down to reduce the pollution. 这个题目可没有要你提出个人 方案。
大作文：Some people think stricter punishment for driving offenders is the only effective way to improve safety on the roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
我的练习：
Road sercurity has increasingly become a frequent discussed topic in both social and political areas. Measures are urgently required and some extremists claim that to regulate more rigorous penalties is the only way. But as far as I am concerned, the rigorous penalty is indeed a good cause, but not the only way.
So enormously has the traffic system benefited from more rigorous penalty, that I firmly believe it is a blessing rather than a curse. To begin with, rigorous penalty has a detering impact on would-be violators,making them recousider that if it is worth to break the traffic laws. For example, a driver who was speaking on the phone while driving on the road, was caught and charged $1000 and punished 2 months community service. I am sure he will never talk on free later. Therefore, it goes without saying that rigorous penalty, on certeain aspects, can effectively improve the road security.
Although this, there are many other measures can be adopted to improve the security level of roads.First of all , the impact of education makes me believe that it is cure-all solution.Therefore, it is essential to educate pedestrians and drivers to obey traffic laws and regulations to improve road safety at base of minimum government budget. Well-known is that improving the efficiency of police force is an another way to secure road safety, which is very neccessary to some drivers and pedestrians to do not realize the dangers of their behaviors.Finally, Increasing number of people believe that it is neccessary for governments to invest more money in road construction.
In conclusion, stricter punishment can be effectively improve road security, but it is not the only way. Other measures such as giving education to pedestrians and drivers, improving the police efficiency and invest more money in road construction, are effective steps to make contribution to road safety.
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-8-28 20:04
题：Some think the subject of music is not necessary in primary school, and other practical subjects like secience should replace it, what is your opinion?
答：Music has been adopted as a subject of primary school, and this has sparked heated discussion in general public. Some believed that other practical subjects such as science should replace music, In my opinion, I do not agree this.
Manifest is that music as primary school subject has numerous benefits. To begin with, music can enrich primary school students leisure time, also helping students to creat their interest in study. Moreover , primary school students are too young to understand the science. Therefore, teaching them science which is much more complicated than music waste teaching resources. So it is not neccesary to replace music by science. Finally, the mental condition of primary school students tend to be fragile, compared withies forces adults. If school authorities force them to study the science, as a result, they may give up learning.
However, some so-called educational experts always use inadequate evidence to support
their opinion that students will benefit from their science study when they grow up. It would be quite easier for them to look for the job. But the information I collected tell me that it is impossible for them to remember the knowledge they have learn in primary school. So the so-called experts overlook the benefits of studying science in primary school.
From what have been discussed aboved, we can draw a conclusion that it is not necessary to replace music with science.
前面扫了楼主的大作文，一个我没有看太明白，语法比较复杂，感觉有模板的痕迹。还有感觉楼主写的比较含蓄。第一段楼主就说要讨论这个ISSUE，但是没有亮出自己的观点。然后楼主论证了AIR TRAVEL产生的问题和带来的好处，但还是没有看到楼主的立场和观点。最后的总结也是模棱两可。考官还是不知道你到底站在哪一方。可题目是想问你to what extent, do ou agree and disagree，就是题目希望知道你的立场和观点，并为自己的观点辩护、论证。
谢谢大家这么中肯又诚恳的建议。
To 3WU，感觉你的意见很切中要害，这几天，我反复在看你的评论以及你在本版其他作文上的评论，发现自己的作文问题很多。关于用词遣句方面，本意的确是想在文章中能有加分字句，可是水平还不到，所以接下来会多注意。还有逻辑混乱是很多人看我练习时都指出的，可是不知是不是根深蒂固的原因，有时我总觉得自己还是有讲出要点，比如你指出翻译24楼的第三段，翻成后我一直在想自己不是也在进行论证吗？是论证不到位还是衔接不行？能帮忙具体指出吗？
Although this, there are many other measures can be adopted to improve the security level of roads.First of all , the impact of education makes me believe that it is cure-all solution.Therefore, it is essential to educate pedestrians and drivers to obey traffic laws and regulations to improve road safety at base of minimum government budget. Well-known is that improving the efficiency of police force is an another way to secure road safety, which is very neccessary to some drivers and pedestrians to do not realize the dangers of their behaviors.Finally, Increasing number of people believe that it is neccessary for governments to invest more money in road construction.
尽管如此，也有一些其他的方法可提高道路安全水平。首先，我觉得教育可以是一种万能的方法。因此，在政府最低预算的基础上对行人和司机实施交规教育是很有必要的。众所周知的提高警察的工作效率是另一种保障道路安全的方法，很有必要让司机和行人意识到他们的危险行为。最后，越来越多的人认为政府很有必要投资道路建设。
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-8-30 10:04
To 27楼hadesatan，谢谢你的意见，8月13日作文考团队运动的好处，我记得写了三点：1、培养合作精神；2、培养输赢观念；3、增强沟通能力。本来我也以为自己这次可能会写得好一些，结果还是没过，现在想下，可能有几个原因：第二点培养输羸观念的观点有些离题；每个论点没有具体展开。因为我看到你说“Team Sport中如何能够教会孩子沟通能力，个人玩游戏是如何不能进行沟通。”我在论证的时候就没有谈到个人运动，只一味说团队如何如何好，可能就没有说服力了。。
题： Some believe that air travel should be restricted because it causes serious pollution and use up the world "fuel resource",to what extent, do ou agree and disagree.
Air travel is much more affordable to general public and it causes some pollutions and consumes the world "fuel resource" .Some believe, therefoe, air travel should be restricted. As far as I concerned, I hold that air travel should not be limited.
Admittedly, air travel produces air and noise pollution on the world. Petrol is main source to airplane and burning of petrol emits a great deal of carbon dioxide which greatly contributes to global warming. Also airplanes make great noise to local community. That is the reason why airports are built faraway from the residential area.
But it doesn't mean that air trip should be limited.As we all know, burning coal also makes severe air pollution,but it is still be widely used on the world as one of the most common energy resource.So does the "fuel resource".
Furthermore,There are many measures have been taken to reduce the pollution caused by airplane, such as replacing airplanes' engines and installing noise absorber.Hence,the pollution has alreday been cut down on large scale. What is more, airplanes emit corban dioxide hundreds feet above floor makes less impact than cars.
It is absurd for some to agrue that air trip should be limited on the ground that it may uses up all the energy. According to survey, airplanes only consume 10% resource amongst all the energy in the world. So it is impossible to use out all the resource.
In conclusion, it its ridiculous for some extremists to calm that airplanes use up all the resource. Although air trips cause some noise and air pollution, they should not be limited.
请3WU及其他TZ帮忙看下这个结构可以吗，第二段是不是有点没有切入正题？？
比如 ：
第一个中心句 就拿 the impact of education 说事。 第二句马上就阐述，指出哪些impact.（扩展中心句）。 第三句，第四句 给出例子，说明真有那么些impact （例证）。 最后一句归纳（换个花样认可 education 是很有效的手段， 以达到辩论的作用）
作者: cpv5j7a3c 时间: 2011-9-1 07:54
过来学习一下。
作者: 且行行 时间: 2011-9-1 18:53
第二段 不是不 切题， 而是结构松散。没有呈上启下的效果。 在你 原意的基础稍微，稍稍挪动了一下：
原文：Admittedly, air travel produces air and noise pollution on the world. Petrol is main source to airplane and burning of petrol emits a great deal of carbon dioxide which greatly contributes to global warming. Also airplanes make great noise to local community. That is the reason why airports are built faraway from the residential area.
挪动版（不考虑语法，词汇的使用）
Admittedly, air travel produces serious pollutions that affect the health of public. Pollutions such as poor air quality and high disruptive noise can be generated due to the usage of airplanes(解释首句，拓展观点). Petrol is one of the main fuels of airplane. However, burning this (简单而实用的连接词) kind of fossil fules could increas the emission of carbon dioxide and therefore greatly affect the global warming. On the other hand (段内转折), air vehicles can result in (与 produce 同义) excessive (great 的同义) noise up to XX dB. It has been reported that (瞎编) explosing to noise level of CCdB for longer than 1hour per day could lead to (与 result in 同义) many diseases,such as TATATATA. Therefore, in general, air travel is a harmful form of traveling.
[]
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-9-1 22:18
some children seem to not have the natural ability to study language so schools should not force childen to learn foreign language. do you agree or disagree?
I do not agree that school should not force school children to study foreign language if they do not have language abilities
our educational system bases on that everyone can be taught to be a talent in every aspect. That is why students are required to study a range of courses, even they do not have a talent in a particular course. when it comes to studying foreign language ,the purpose of it is not help children to develop their talent . Instead , it helps young children to better understand this world and master a wy of communication with foreign visitors,thereby helping them to get a favorable position ,when they grow up.this is particularly essential for young students living in modern society.
In addition, schools' practice shall not be equally with forcing students to learn any subject. After all,all the subjects are set by professers and experts through a lot of research.The courses have been tested that can efficiently cultivate students' comprehensive abilities rather than to satisfy individuals ' interest. It is quite impossible for experts to set any course according to each students favor or perferrence since neither children nor parents have got the clear idea of what should be learned.
In conclusion, children should obey the school arrangement to study foreign language ,even they do not have language ability.
[]
作者: 峰梅梅 时间: 2011-9-2 07:17
我觉得有几个问题，你可能需要注意：
1. 单词使用不平衡。有些单词过大且不合适，如前面的几位高人所说；但是另一方面，过于口语化的单词又经常出现，如quite，have got等。事实上，对于6分的作文，基本难度的单词已经可以足够应付，对于自己不是很把握的大词，倒不如用一些常用的词，但切忌使用口语用词。大词和口语用词共同出现在文章中，只会让人觉得你对英语词汇的驾驭能力非常弱；
2.英语文章讲究层次和逻辑性。例如，要用两个观点证明一件事好，那么必须明确表明出是哪两个观点；第二，怎么好，而不是拼命的说很好、有优点，而是到底好在哪。说到逻辑性，你这篇文章逻辑有很大问题，第一个论点里，你前面说的“学校教育的根基”与后面的“外语学习的目的”没有什么内在和必然的联系；同样的问题也出现在第二个论点里。
3.句子的思维方式过于中文化。好多句子明显是生硬的翻译了你头脑中出现的中文句子。“shall not be equally(?) with”大概就是来自于“···不等于···”这样的中文句型，不建议使用。另外注意一些基本语法，不需要过多使用你不确定的复杂句（如果你的要求只是6分，建议使用相对简单的句子结合一些非常有效的连词和副词）。
仅供参考！
You plan to study in English-speaking country, you have a friend in this country, write to your friends to ask for help.
1) Your Study Plan;
2) Explain why you look for part time job.
3) Make some suggestions to find the job.
Dear Jack：
How is everything going in Australia？We don’t keep in touch for long time. I am writing this letter to ask for your help, as I am going to study a master degree in Australia..
I have applied 2 year maser IT degree in UTS. As my IELTS score below academic requirement, I have to take language course in Holmes. It takes about 3 months. I want to choose the course in daytime and finish in 2 years, because my parents have limited finance to support my study. To make matter worse, my parents want to send my brother to Australia after a year. As a bigger brother, I want to ease my parents’ financial burden. Therefore, I need to take a part time job.
I heard that you are working in a restaurant. If it is possible, could you please introduce me to your boss? I do not mind work in kitchen or canteen. Or do you have any friends or colleagues working in other places and their employers are looking for staff. So you can introduce me to them; or you can post my resume to the job seeking website.
Thank you in advance.
Best regards
作者: 秦家的老虎 时间: 2011-9-3 10:44
Nowadays many parents buy a lot of toys to their children to play, what is the advantage and disadvantage of children playing with toys?
It exists a common phenomenon that nowadays parents buy a host of toys for their kids to play. I firmly believe that children play with toys have more advantage than disadvantage.
There is no denying that kids playing with toys have numerous benefits. To begin with, toys are children’s companions to kill their boring time. Nowadays, many families only have a child; as a result, children born in such families have no brothers and sisters and parents are too busy to spend time with their children. Therefore, it is toys that can kill their leisure time. Moreover, toys can help children to cultivate a sense of loving, which is very essential to their careers. This is mainly due to the fact that children have to look after their own toys. When they grow up, they may have loving hearts makes it possible to successful; as the old saying goes: good people have a good ending. Finally, children playing with a number of toys helps their intellectual development. It is quite important to their academic study. Well-known is the fact that children have vivid memory and more curiosity. And toys have various sorts of designs. Therefore, they can fulfill their imagination. This is very good to their academic development.
However, there are certain dangers for children playing with the number of toys. They may argue that spending time with toys occupy children’s valuable studying time, as a result, they have not enough time spending on their studies or other aspects, such as communicating with peers. But I think this problem only occasionally happen in some irresponsible families. Generally children benefit numerously from playing with toys.
In conclusion, regarding this issue, my view is that children benefit a lot from toys. Therefore, parents should be buy more toys for their children.
Dear Jack：
How is everything going in Australia？We don’t（最好不要用缩写） keep in touch （keep in touch是说多联系吧，这里你是想说很久没联系了吧？说成“我们很久没有多联系了”会不会很奇怪？）for long time. I am writing this letter to ask for your help, as I am going to study a master degree in Australia..
I have applied 2 year maser IT degree in UTS. （apply是一个瞬间动词，用过去式就可以了，如果要表示状态要用被动）As my IELTS score is （缺从句谓语）below academic requirement, I have to take language course in Holmes. It takes about 3 months. I want to choose the course in daytime and finish in 2 years, because my parents have limited finance to support my study. To make matter worse（直接翻译是“为了让情况更差，我爸妈怎么了怎么了”还是奇怪。是否可以用what makes it worse is that....), my parents want to send my brother to Australia after a year. As a bigger brother, I want （want重复了，表示意愿可以说would like，表示打算可以说intend（上一句）; ease的主语应该是能够减轻负担的东西，不是你，所以……I would like to do something that can ease...）to ease my parents’ financial burden. Therefore, I need to take a part time job.
I heard that you are working in a restaurant. If it is possible, could you please introduce me to your boss? I do not mind work in kitchen or canteen. Or do you have any friends or colleagues working in other places and their employers are looking for staff. （问号）So 这里为何要so？去掉you can 话说你在求人家……可否用it would be very appriciated if you can.....introduce me to them; or you can post my resume to (on) the job seeking website.
小作文：
a.Your English teacher who taught you several years have invited you to have a meal at his house, but you can not go,1)explain the reason;2) suggest next arrangement;3)tell him about yourself and your improvement in English learning.
我的练习：
Dear Professor James:
Thank you for inviting me to have meals at your house next Friday. It was my great honor. I am sorry to tell you that I am not available on that day. Because I have an exam at my university. I am sorry for any inconvenience caused by this change.
题目是have a meal，你写的have meals，你真馋，吃一顿还不够。
it was my great honor，时态可能有问题吧，考虑is。
i regret to inform you that i will not be available that day, for it clashes with my exam.
cause by this change可以考虑省略。
可以考虑写成，我个人理解的啊
thank you for your invitation, it is my honor. but i regret to inform you that i am supposed to have an exam next friday, so i am afraid i will not be able to call on you.
After finishing the high school,I was accepted by XX University with the major of English. In the university, I always use the methods you taught me to practice English, which makes great contribution to my overall English ability. When it comes to this ,I should take this opportunity to thank you. In the final exam last year, I won the first prize in the Department of English. And this year I am going to study Cambridge Business English for getting a favourable position in future.
high school前面不用加the。 accepted考虑admitted。in the university可以省略。 i always study english the way you taught me。 for getting这个getting可以省略。
Last week, we were informed that we will have final exam on next Fiday. So important the exam is that I can not miss. But it causes you many inconvenience. Please forgive me. I am very happy to have an opportunity to have meal with you . Considering that I have exam on Friday. Is it possible to arrange on Monday, 26th July? If it is not suit your schedule, please let me know. So we can make alternative arrangement. You can contact me on XXXX. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
时态问题 we were informed that we would……
so开始的句子需要倒装，so important is the exam that i can not miss it.
if it is not suitable for you, suit是动词，不用在am/is/are后面使用。