作文似乎进步不大，写了一篇在这里请大家帮忙指导。其实考了三次，每次都是6.5，但又不知道分数丢在哪里。<br />
还请高人按照雅思评分标准在Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy四个方面帮我打个分。<br />
想知道弱点在哪里所以才可以进步。 多谢各位帮忙。<br />
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作文是写在标准答题纸上的，用了刚好40分钟。<br />
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Task: Some people think that the large amounts of time and money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on the human population instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?<br />
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In the contemporary world, human activities increasingly pose a great threat to the endangered species. International organizations and local governments have spent sizeable money to protect those wild animals that facing extinction. Opponents, however, claim that the precious budget should be invested in human population instead.<br />
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Indeed, the poor need money and help from the rich. Those people lived in poverty face incredibly harsh living standards including scarcity of food, shortage of water, and lack of basic medical attention. What is needed, therefore, is the assistance from charities and developed countries. Without the adequate financial supports, 10 percent of the world population would struggle for living on this planet.<br />
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However, money cannot address all the problems the impoverished people have. Specifically, what we as human beings differentiate from wild animals is that people have the power of creativity that contributes to the substantial achievement of human history. The poor, nevertheless, without money, can also make significant change on their living conditions by their innovations and endeavors. On the other hand, wild animals are different since they do not have the exceptional abilities we have. Without the preservation and protection from us, disappearing from our scenery plant they used to survive and thrive is the only destination they can imagine. In this respect, the demand of help to wild animals is more important than that to human population.<br />
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Furthermore, what supports the sustainable development of current society is the balance of the ecological system. The endangered species as well as other wild animals are undoubtedly indispensible parts of the system that has run for thousands of years with the harmony of human and animals. Unfortunately, the industrialized world has brought irreversible damage to our friends, the animals, in the past decades, and what we can forecast is the ramp down of the eco-system if the tendency continues. Consequently, there will not be sufficient natural resources, served by the eco-system, for us to consume before we are consumed by death.<br />
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In conclusion, although the poor need money to help, the wild animals are already standing on the top of the cliff. The investment to be spent on the preservation of endangered species should have a larger proportion then that for the human population. Specifically, we, human beings, need to have a collective consciousness to preserve those endangered species for the sake of them and for the sake of us.<br />
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In the contemporary world, human activities increasingly pose a great threat to the endangered species. International organizations and local governments have spent sizeable money to protect those wild animals that facing extinction. Opponents, however, claim that the precious budget should be invested in human population instead.
最前面四个字不用写，句子的时态就可以表示了。第二句，觉得写成human activities pose an increasing threat比较合适。 wild animals that are facing extinction，少了一个are. budget一般不用precious修饰，可以用remarkable或者considerable，或者enormous。
总结第一段，背景介绍于题目关系不大，题目并没有说人和动物之间的因果关系，所以这样的背景有点离题。点题倒是做到的，不过rephrase的空间还比较大，比如全部句子只是用invest替代了spent，其他都没有变化，可能不是好迹象，个人猜测。
Indeed, the poor need money and help from the rich. Those people lived in poverty face incredibly harsh living standards including scarcity of food, shortage of water, and lack of basic medical attention. What is needed, therefore, is the assistance from charities and developed countries. Without the adequate financial supports, 10 percent of the world population would struggle for living on this planet.
文章并没有说把钱给穷人花，而且用在人类而非动物，所以有点偏题。你可以说，人类有哪些东西是急需花钱的，为什么，会起到什么作用。所以写穷人就digress了。
语法方面，those people who live，建议不要用incredibly，可以改用extremely或者terribly等。living standard和food,water等不构成对等关系，所以建议把standards改成problems就可以了。developed countries前面加the.
adequate前面不用加the。
However, money cannot address all the problems the impoverished people have. Specifically, what we as human beings differentiate from wild animals is that people have the power of creativity that contributes to the substantial achievement of human history. The poor, nevertheless, without money, can also make significant change on their living conditions by their innovations and endeavors. On the other hand, wild animals are different since they do not have the exceptional abilities we have. Without the preservation and protection from us, disappearing from our scenery plant they used to survive and thrive is the only destination they can imagine. In this respect, the demand of help to wild animals is more important than that to human population.
这段还是偏题，此外语法方面differentiate是及物动物vt，所以这里貌似应该用differ。exceptional不知道啥意思，不过我知道这里用equal会比较合适。preservation和protection有点redundant。imagine不能修饰destination吧，可以改成head for或者destiny they have。
Furthermore, what supports the sustainable development of current society is the balance of the ecological system. The endangered species as well as other wild animals are undoubtedly indispensible parts of the system that has run for thousands of years with the harmony of human and animals. Unfortunately, the industrialized world has brought irreversible damage to our friends, the animals, in the past decades, and what we can forecast is the ramp down of the eco-system if the tendency continues. Consequently, there will not be sufficient natural resources, served by the eco-system, for us to consume before we are consumed by death.
with the harmony of是不是应该是in the harmony between。serverd？还是provided?
before we are consumed by death没有看懂。
In conclusion, although the poor need money to help, the wild animals are already standing on the top of the cliff. The investment to be spent on the preservation of endangered species should have a larger proportion then that for the human population. Specifically, we, human beings, need to have a collective consciousness to preserve those endangered species for the sake of them and for the sake of us.
最后一段不分析了，有点混乱，我有点混乱，不是你。
Task: Some people think that the large amounts of time and money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on the human population instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?