7炸里面，最没底的就是作文。。。不知道怎么弄。。。把作文贴上来大家给拍拍，有什么问题也给点意见，有利于小弟水平的提高，在此先拜谢了<br />
题目是：it has been suggested that everyone in the world wants to own a nice car, a better TV and a bigger fridge. do you think the advantage of such economic development outweighs the disadvantage?<br />
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Economic development can be a double-edged sword. On one side, economic development improves people’s life quality by making it more convenient, more interesting and more confortable; on the other side, it causes serious problems such as pollution, traffic problem and waste of natural resource. Nevertheless, its advantages outweigh its disadvantages.<br />
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Economic development makes long distance traveling easier. The prevalence of cars and economic flight shorten the distance between areas and countries. It only takes less than twenty-four hours to go anywhere of the world now. Moreover, economic development gives people access to leisure instruments such as TVs, computers, etc. According to a recent survey, one family possesses approximately two TVs on average in China. This makes people’s life funnier than ever. After work, people can watch TV with family members instead of going to bed at seven o’clock. Also, house appliances like fridge and air conditioner become more and more common. This helps people to have better summer especially for those in Chongqing where the temperature goes over forty degrees.<br />
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Economic development has its by-product too. The environment is getting worse with the economy developing faster and faster. Many rivers are no more suitable for drinking anymore because of industrial sewage. Air is also serious polluted by toxic gas. In spite of pollution, traffic problem is also very head scratching. The number of car accident and people die from car accident goes up with the number of cars every year.<br />
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Therefore, economic development has both positive and negative effects on people’s life. Its advantages are enormous compared to disadvantages. However, we still need to alleviate its negative effects to better enjoy the benefit which economic development brings.
作者: 专回你的帖 时间: 2011-11-9 17:15
可以说些打击的吗？首先第一点就是有跑题的嫌疑。看题目，such development,重点在such，指的是人们对奢侈品、高价格低使用价值产品的追求，导致的那种发展。后面的内容则向着科技发展造成生活便利，生活便利带来经济发展，显然跟题目是有距离的。
第二点就是，虽然刻意的回避了模板，但是文中缺乏亮点词或者句子，证明作者有货，从头读罢，感觉很平淡，不是平实，因为内容有behind the time的感觉。如果不靠那种it is。。。which。。。that。。。of。。。。to....的各种从句组成的长句争分，内容是一定要精彩的，才能弥补这个不足。内容真的不够出彩。
今天剪头发心情好，点评免费