请大家指点， 很晕。 <br />
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Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather that co-operation. To what extent you agree or disagree?<br />
<br />
<br />
1.) These days, some people give more value on competition than cooperation and they insist that students should not attend sports which arise more competition than cooperation. However, I believe sports play a pivotal role in children’s education and consequently should be encouraged. <br />
<br />
2.) It is common for schools to encourage students to take part in all kinds of sports as it is helpful to increase strength and build up strong minds. However, a negative voice is heard saying that sports can cause more competition than cooperation and consequently students should not do sports. As far as I am concerned, this opinion can not hold water.<br />
<br />
3.) Whether children should be encouraged to attend sports at school is a hot topic nowadays. I am in favor of the view that sports are beneficial for children to cultivate both the sense of competition and cooperation which play a pivotal role in later lives.<br />
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[]
高人，跪求批改一篇。
Modern lifestyle means that many parents have little time for their children. Many children do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
Nowadays, with the development of economic, the lifestyle of modern society has changed a lot, some people maintain that we put less efforts and attention on children that before. However, personally, I have doubt about this opinion.
Parents are actually paying more attention on their children for they squeeze more time to company with their teenagers on both education and entertainment. Specifically, nowadays, increasingly numerous parents begin to more money and time into the interests of their kids, such as piano and painting in earlier age of them. And after school, they will also assist their children if difficulties are met. Besides, many fathers and mothers realize that they need to play a key role on helping their youngsters relieve the pressure from school; taking them to appreciate films and companying with them for the whole weekend are good cases in point. All of these activities are taking a higher proportion of the time owned by parents than ever before.
On the other hand, there is no denying that some parents are not motivated enough to spend more time on their children due to some reason. They tend to be lazy after one day work and some of them have to work overtime improving their performance. In addition, there are family members who are more willing to put efforts on their job career to earn more money. However, they are still small groups of people among public. Many families choose to have no kid when they are still in the early stage of the job career in order to avoid possible tensions between juveniles’ care and high pressure from work. Actually, modern families are very wise on how to keep balance between them.
In conclusion, I would like to advocate that it is not because of modern lifestyle that parents begin to neglect their children. Conversely, they find they need to give higher priority to nurture children in order to make them be able to keep pace with modern society. As for the causes of phenomenon of neglecting children can be more sophisticated than we imagine.
作者: i5m8i7ov17u 时间: 2011-12-29 08:32
Nowadays, with the development of [economic->economy], the lifestyle of modern society has changed [a lot->significantly], [应该另起一句了] some people maintain that [we->parents] put [less->fewer] efforts [on] and[pay less] attention [on->to] children [that->than] before. However, personally, I have [doubt->doubted] about [doubt about是怀疑的意思，doubt本身是不相信，不确定的意思，不如直接说disagree] this opinion.
Parents are actually paying more attention on their children for they squeeze more time to company with their teenagers on both education and entertainment. Specifically, nowadays, increasingly numerous parents begin to more money and time into the interests of their kids, such as piano and painting in earlier age of them. And after school, they will also assist their children if difficulties are met. Besides, many fathers and mothers realize that they need to play a key role on helping their youngsters relieve the pressure from school; taking them to appreciate films and companying with them for the whole weekend are good cases in point. All of these activities are taking a higher proportion of the time owned by parents than ever before.
On the other hand, there is no denying that some parents are not motivated enough to spend more time on their children due to some reason. They tend to be lazy after one day work and some of them have to work overtime improving their performance. In addition, there are family members who are more willing to put efforts on their job career to earn more money. However, they are still small groups of people among public. Many families choose to have no kid when they are still in the early stage of the job career in order to avoid possible tensions between juveniles’ care and high pressure from work. Actually, modern families are very wise on how to keep balance between them.
In conclusion, I would like to advocate that it is not because of modern lifestyle that parents begin to neglect their children. Conversely, they find they need to give higher priority to nurture children in order to make them be able to keep pace with modern society. As for the causes of phenomenon of neglecting children can be more sophisticated than we imagine.
[]
作者: 骂了隔壁滴 时间: 2011-12-29 20:08
个人理解，雅思作文的开头第一段应该包括以下内容，并且起到以下作用。
第一、点题，也就是rephrase题目。这个是雅思考官特别重视的一项内容，通过这个能力可以看出考生对于语言的驾驭能力，所以非常重要。点题可以有很多种方式，最简单的就是复述一遍；其次可以主动变被动，被动变主动，或者主语宾语对调等；还有，可以选择强调自己需要强调的部分，比如it is the xxx that，或者如果实在没有什么好写的，需要写it is common that之类的，就直接写成it is not uncommon that。不但强调了内容，反而比之前的显得不那么redundant。方法很多，自己只想到这些，不过大家用好了也就足够了。
第二、引出问题，点题是点题目的背景，当然对于文章的提问也要rephrase，这个是整篇文章的焦点，是方向性的东西。通过rephrase引出题目，读者一下子就可以看出作者对于题目的理解以及准备的答题方向，所以虽然这部分rephrase也非常重要，但是我觉得更加需要强调的是审题，将审题后自己所理解的问题重新rephrase一遍，就决定了之后整篇文章的走向和结构。
第三、可以表明立场或者引出下文。表明立场这一点没啥好说的，要么在开头一段，要么在结尾一段，始终是要写的。看各位同学们自己的把握了。至于引出下文么，这个也很好理解。这个考验的并不全是英语能力，而且语言能力了。作文不好的，或者思路不清晰的，自己先下功夫吧。我当时卡在这里很长时间，到考试结束也没有很好的处理，所以比较遗憾。
上面三点是自己提倡的，简单明了。而且紧扣评分标准，所以希望大家可以借鉴。
与之相反的，很多模板里面的东西就不值得提倡了，例如some people insist xxxx, while others xxxxxx。这些东西千篇一律，而且与评分标准没有任何关系，写出来只能加重考官的负面情绪，所以建议大家慎用。千万千万大家需要跟模板文章划清界限，如果大家的期望是超过7分。
呵呵， 我就是经常用 whether,,, or , or someone insist,,, wile. 不用这个 感觉就不会开头了。
现身了， 经常上来帮我们改改作文吧。
作者: gdhhua6580 时间: 2011-12-30 12:40
有写了几个Introduction, 大家帮忙看看，接下来要写主体段了.
Some people think that good health is a basic human need so the medical service should be run by the government instead of profit-making companies. Do you agree or disagree?
1) As one of essential areas, medical service always attracts everyone’s attention. Some admits that health care should be only run by the government because it is a fundamental need of human beings while others argue profit-making companies should operate this service. I am in favor of the first view.
2) In some countries, the governments runs all medical services only, while in other countries where both governments and companies involve in this public sector, it is up to people to decide which is preferable.
3) As one of essential sectors, medical service always attracts everyone’s attention. Which party can provide better services? Governments or companies? In my opinion, both of them have respective merits and demerits.
下面这个形式可以参考一下，逐步推进：
Health, like education and freedom, is essential to people’s wellbeing. Generally, health care can be provided either by the government or by private companies. However, due to the high cost of private medical services, some people think that medical services should be totally provided by the government other than private companies. In my opinion, both forms of service providers have their own merits and demerits and thus [把你的观点再明确点出].
The research of science and technology has become the main driving force of social development. However, who has the power in doing the scientific research is a debatable issue. Some people insist that the authorities should play the role doing the scientific research while others disagree this opinion. This essay will argue that the government and the private companies are of equal importance on the research of science.
其实关键的地方就是第一句不要写任何关于你的观点或者你要讨论的问题的东西。仅仅是一个背景，告诉读者：哦，这篇作文要写的health或者是science and technology ，这是一个重要的话题，有实际的意义或有其商业的价值等等，挺不错的呢。然后读者就可能会有兴趣想要看看作者具体论述了health或者是science and technology 相关的什么样的观点或问题争端呢？
我觉得第二句比较难想，要连接第一句和第三句，而我又想避免 some people insist... while others... , or some people think...的句子，所以这个gap between the first sentence and the third sentence 比较难连上。
Education is increasingly important for a nation. Some people think the government should decide what students study in university. Others think students should study what they prefer. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The importance of college education has been widely recognized throughout the world. However, it raises concerns about who should be responsible for what the students learn in the universities. Some argue that the government should have the power to stipulate the curriculum, while others think it is the students who should have the final say in the subjects they want to learn. From my perspective, university students should have the right to decide on what to learn.
这个是从太傻的一个帖子上看的introduction,评价是very good
Some people suggest that high school graduate students should go to universities to have higher education, but others encourage students to find jobs to meet the needs of the society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
The importance of education has been wildly recognized throughout the world. However, whether high school graduates should receive the further education in universities is an issue that arouses controversy. Some people think that choosing to work after graduate from high school is the quick way to adapt to the society while others disagree with this opinion. From my perspective, going to universities after graduation may be the better option for high school students.
这个是我模仿上面的写的，评价是Good introduction!
LZ可以借鉴一下，
作者: gdhhua6580 时间: 2011-12-31 15:40
谢谢 yrqin 和 v26v26oo分享。
明白了！ 那我就不用纠结了
作者: gdhhua6580 时间: 2011-12-31 22:46
我的新练习。
These days, some people give more value on competition than cooperation and they insist that students should not attend sports which arise more competition than cooperation. However, I believe sports play a pivotal role in children’s education and consequently should be encouraged.
It is common for schools to encourage students to take part in all kinds of sports as it is helpful to increase strength and build up strong minds. However, a negative voice is heard saying that sports can cause more competition than cooperation and consequently students should not do sports. As far as I am concerned, this opinion can not hold water.
It is no doubt that Sports, especially team sports， always involve team spirit and cooperation besides competition. Without the co-working of the whole team, including every player and other supporting members, the team could not beat their rivals and achieve the final success. In basketball matches, the ball is always transferred to the person who is nearest to the basket while others take the responsibilities of protecting the ball from the other team. It is cooperation rather than the performance of a single player that decides which team will win the victory.
When it comes to individual sports which bring more competition than cooperation, I still believe it is also beneficial for kids’ development. It is beneficial for children to know at the early age competition, which exists in their studies and working lives, is a normal part of human nature. Recent research reveals that children excelling in sports tend to mature into adults who have positive and realistic attitudes to lives.
However, it is unacceptable that schools overemphasis winners of sports, such as giving them more awards or special privileges. This will cause students to think of winning as the only thing to get rewarded, and see other students as obstacles to success, which is not conducive to a healthy perspective about sports and life.
In conclusion, not only individual sports but also team sports brings rewards to students. Therefore, sports should be encouraged in schools. Meanwhile, winning in sports should not be overemphasized.
These days, some people give more value on competition than cooperation and they insist that students should not attend sports which arise more competition than cooperation.