刚练完一篇作文，老婆看了说开头写的太烂，<br />
好吧，我承认我的英文不咋地，但是她一天也没复习居然敢嘲笑我，忍不了了！<br />
<br />
干脆就让她也写个开头，大家给评评哪个更好点儿。<br />
题目：<br />
It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?<br />
<br />
A开头：<br />
<br />
It is widely accepted that the period from 0 to 3 years of a child has profound influence on his or her development in both intelligence and personality. Obviously, parents play an essential role in this period. However, when it comes to the issue whether parents should take childcare training courses, people still hold opposing opinions. In this essay, both sides of the views will be discussed and then I will give my opinion.<br />
<br />
B开头：<br />
Parents have to pay much more attention on their children today than they used to do, because the only child in the family always burden the whole family hope, which leads to the emergence of the organization serving young parents to improve their childcare training skills. However, some people hold an opposing view that such courses are waste of time and energy. In this essay, I will analyze both sides of the discussion and then give my opinion.
作者: yzoadagcg 时间: 2012-2-8 15:31
A好些，B比较Chinglish
作者: i1zhyuux6i 时间: 2012-2-8 19:14
两夫妻好可爱啊。两个人一起努力好欢乐。
作者: owuj4875 时间: 2012-2-9 01:22
同楼上，A好些，但是 period from 0 to 3 years of a child 要改改，没这么表达的。刚出生的是new born，1岁以下都算infant，1-3岁算toddler。可以改成the first 3 years of a child.
题目：
It is suggested that all mothers and fathers should be required to take childcare training courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In modern society everything takes knowledge and technology, and parenting is no exception. As no one is born with the talent to be a qualified parent, so training course on childcare becomes imperative for those who wish to provide their children with the best that life can offer. Without the proper knowledge, it would be a difficult task to make sure that children are well taken care of, Therefore, I totally advocate that parents take the childcare training course.
It is widely accepted that the nurture of a child has important influence on his or her development in both intelligence and personality. Parents, the closest friends of children, play an essential role in parenting, and because of this, achieving good childcare skills is indeed very important for these parents. However, when it comes to the issue whether parents should take childcare training courses in schools, people still hold opposing opinions.
我试着写了一下，与您商讨：
In present-day society, it is generally accepted that parenting plays a key role in our lives. But in the meantime, controversy has arisen about whether it should be compulsory for all parents to participate in childcare training courses. There is no unanimous consensus yet. From my own perspective, both views are, somewhat, overly simplistic.
比如你的句子：每个句子的主语都很多，第一句是it（其实是一个fact，去掉it is widely accepted，你的句子的主语是：the nurture of a child）。第二句是：parents，改了。思维从the nurture of a child跳到parents。and严格的说等于是个废话，第三句主语：achieving good childcare skills。第四句主语：people
to keep the same topic, better use the same "topic".这是个很简单的保持inner logic的方法。写完你自己念一遍，也会觉得舒服很多。
在你的基础上改一下：
It is widely accepted that parents play an essential role in the children's development of intelligence and personality when they are still in infancy. However, when it comes to the issue whether parents should be professionally trained to help better shape up their children's future, people hold different opinions. In my point of view, XXXX
收工，睡觉。