花了一个多小时写的文章， 如果这个不到7，基本可以认为我就无力到7了。<br />
<br />
上次贴了一个作文，感谢大家的回应，吸取了大家的宝贵意见。这次增加了短句子，使长短句结合。<br />
题目的内容被paraphrase后写在文章中。<br />
用了一些平常不太用的词，希望是所谓的band 7 words吧。呵呵<br />
结构上也更注意，八股文体。呵呵。<br />
共293字。<br />
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希望得到意见建议！！！！<br />
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task subject<br />
Today more people are travelling than ever before.<br />
Why is this the case?<br />
What are the benefits of travelling for the traveller?<br />
<br />
The number of travelers has been increasing significantly, and it seems this trend will continue for a long period of time. This essay attempts to discover the intrinsic reasons of this phenomenon and describe the various benefits of travelling.<br />
<br />
The reasons for travelling to become so popular are many and varied. Firstly, it is widely acknowledged that travelling provides many benefits, and this is the fundamental factor for it to prevail. Secondly, with the economic growth and the development of international trade, people become wealthier and thus can afford travelling more frequently and farer. Thirdly, human beings are undertaking much bigger pressure than ever at workplace due to the intense competition and fast rhythm of modern society. There is high demand, therefore, for some effective methods for people to escape away from the daily chaos. Travelling is undoubtedly an applicable and useful approach. Finally, the use of internet promotes tourism. Many people now post their travelling experiences on the internet with awesome pictures and interesting stories, which can influence others strongly and generate followers.<br />
<br />
Travelling offers both mental and physical benefits to its performers. From mental perspective, staying in a beautiful scenic spot enables people to forget about their daily troubles or pressures and give their minds a rest. Moreover, exposed to another lifestyle or culture, people on the road can definitely enrich their experiences and enlarge their perspective. As a return, they will understand the world and themselves more deeply and thoroughly. From physical point of view, it usually requires a large amount of walking while traveling, which helps with the health building.<br />
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As a summary, out of all sorts of reasons, many people nowadays are keen on journeys to other places and they earn a lot of advantages from this behavior.
作者: 褐色小粉猪 时间: 2012-4-22 19:30
summary总结的没有力度，太平淡。。。 字句还是在斟酌一下，比如fast rhythm, enlarge their perspective,... more deeply and thoroughly... 有点汉语硬翻的意思吧，不妨考虑fast pace, expand their insight, they will have a better understanding of ...
my $0.02...
作者: qianqina9292 时间: 2012-4-23 07:09
找论据的面比较窄，而且同意楼上的，结尾写的太粗糙。
作者: SCPCYS 时间: 2012-4-23 07:29
结构很清晰哦，嘿嘿。。
作者: hageo 时间: 2012-4-23 13:31
1、afford travelling more frequently and farer.这句语法上有点别扭，
2、感觉还不够紧凑哦 。
Secondly, with the economic growth and the development of international trade, people become wealthier and thus can afford travelling more frequently and farer.
Secondly, the growing economy and booming international trade have brought people more wealth than ever, consequently necessitating the demand of frequent and long-distance travel.
好的地方就不多说了 我把个人认为的问题提下
主体段The reasons for travelling to become so popular are many and varied. Firstly, it is widely acknowledged that travelling provides many benefits, and this is the fundamental factor for it to prevail. 请问这总句和分论点一有什么不同？ 这个分论点一说得太宽阔了 要不就着重一点 哪怕是开阔眼界这样的俗套+例子做论证 也比只说 因为好处多多所以旅行 来得有分量 要不就干脆去掉 3个分论点也够用了