离7分还有多远？？ 求大神指正。<br />
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<strong>Question:<br />
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.<br />
To what extent do you agree or disagree?</strong><br />
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Essay:<br />
Nowadays people purchase significantly more consumer goods than they previously did, and the high sales of popular items seem to continually increase. Although it is true that advertising is powerful enough to influence our consuming habits, I believe that the demands of customers also play an important role.<br />
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On the one hand, the successful marketing and advertising of business companies are responsible for the increase in the sales of consumer goods. Many companies use advertisements to tell consumers that they have new products which can be used to replace their old ones, and the new arrivals are comparatively efficient and convenient. This definitely will boost the sales of these products, since companies consistently introduce new and better substitutions. On the top of this, the marketing of big companies are always so persuasive that they can convince more people to spend, and some advertisements will make customers realize their potential needs and consequently buy more goods than they normally do.<br />
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On the other hand, the customer’s essential needs are the real force that drives the market. If people do not need new products, I think it is hard to persuade them to pay extra money for things that are useless for them. Actually, we do need basic necessities to make lives comfortable and convenient, and it is necessary for us to improve our living standards by using new products that are more technically advanced. For example, it is reasonable for a household which already has television to entertain and receive information, to buy computer and gain access to internet in order to get more engaging entertainments and obtain news more quickly.<br />
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In conclusion, I agree that advertising has a significant influence on customers, but the real needs are the first consideration that comes to people’s minds when they are trying to buy something.
作者: 1m7j5z9r9h 时间: 2013-5-31 18:12
On the top of this 这句话啥意思呢？放在里面感觉怪怪的
Internet 的首字母永远要大写
On the other hand 这段的说理感觉有点弱，尤其是举例似乎不太切题
不过我写的也不好 但是我试试改一个句子
If people do not need new products, I think it is hard to persuade them to pay extra money for things that are useless for them.
--》 I cannot expect consumers to pay for what they do not really need.
审题：题目的本质是要论证广告对人们购物多少有没有影响，因此论证的重点如果放在广告的影响大小、影响哪些方面就更好了。
观点：lz的观点是客户需求是驱动购物多少的主要因素，如果能直接回答广告不是影响购物多少的主要因素就更清晰了。
论证结构：on one hand...on the other hand lz用反了，lz将这个用法理解为“虽然/尽管...但是”了，但事实上应该是“一方面...另一方面”或者“......但是......”，而且on the other hand后面表达的内容通常是次要的、补充性的、或者不是你支持但又不能忽略的因素等等，而lz将自己不支持的论据放在了前面，而论证自己观点的论据放在了后面，使得意思反了，让读者不知道lz的观点到底是什么了。
论证充分：无论是第二段还是第三段，lz更多的在叙述现象，而没有深入剖析其内在的原因，使得论证显得没有力量。