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<strong>Economic progress is often used to measure acountry's success. However, some people believe that other factores are more important. What other factors should also be considered when measuring a country's success? Do you think one factor is more important than others?</strong><br />
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Currently, an increasing number of people realize that there are many factors contributing to the success of a nation, besides economic development. To me, I believe that social welfare and democracy should be included.<br />
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It is obvious that in a great country, all people can live peacefully and affluently with esteem. The rapid progress of economy can surely increase the living standard of the vast majority of citizens, but still, there are plenty of vulnerable members in this world. So, a successful country should pay enough attention to the disadvantaged group and provide aid to them through an effective welfare system. Only by doing so can individuals in this country enjoy the benefits brought by the great power.<br />
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Moreover, the history of humanity has proven that democracy can help countries maintain their long-lasting booming of development. For example, Germany had achieved excellent performance in the domain of domestic economy before World War II. However, the fascist regime drove its people into the cruel warfare, and thus, destroyed the happiness of millions of families. If the German government had been under control by a democratic political system, this tragedy might not have happened for ever.<br />
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Personally, I agree that the development of a nation is a complicated process, of which all the elements that I have mentioned above are organic components. If people gave priority to any of them, the country might just drive to a wrong direction on the high way leading to prosperity, with leaving other critical factors behind. Consequently, we must respect the law of development and draw up a long-term developing program perfectly.<br />
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In sum, when we are measuring whether a country is developed or not, we should think of various factors in different aspects, instead of just focusing on the economy, since they have equal significance.
题目问“衡量国家的成功还有什么其他标准，某个因素比其他因素都更重要吗？”感觉LZ论证还是有些薄弱，翻译成中文就很明显了，比如第二段：
It is obvious that in a great country, all people can live peacefully and affluently with esteem. The rapid progress of economy can surely increase the living standard of the vast majority of citizens, but still, there are plenty of vulnerable members in this world. So, a successful country should pay enough attention to the disadvantaged group and provide aid to them through an effective welfare system. Only by doing so can individuals in this country enjoy the benefits brought by the great power.
显然在伟大的国家里，人们可以有尊严地安宁而富裕地生活着。经济的快速发展必然提高大多数人们的生活水准，但是这个世界上仍然有很多弱势群体。所以，一个成功的国家应该对弱势群体给予必要关注，以及提供有效的福利系统来援助他们。只有这样，个人才可以享受强国带来的好处。
参考step by step，首句应该是点题的topic sentence，然后剩下的supporting sentence要围绕controlling idea来论述。此处想说还有福利因素，就应该首句标明出来，而esteem与福利没关系吧，剩下每句之间的逻辑链都太弱了。
PS：自己也才考到6分，离目标7分还很远，但看了step by step明晰了方向，故分享之，共勉。
作者: 遥瑞彩 时间: 2013-10-24 02:47
是不是我们用中文写作文可以写的比较有逻辑，那么干脆先用中文，再翻译成英文，是不是个捷径？
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-24 12:28
I don't think so。因为语言是文化的载体，在语言这个表象背后，有很深层次的传统文化、思维模式等差异。有很多东西是无法翻译的，只可意会不可言传。
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-24 13:03
我的逻辑关系是这样的：
“in a great country, all people can live peacefully and affluently with esteem”是我本人设定的一个前提，假定great country（替换country's success）都是这样（live peacefully and affluently with esteem）。所以，如果一个国家要成功，也必须这样做——通过关注弱势群体而让他们都得到帮助，享受到强国带来的好处。至于with esteem，可有可无，删掉也不影响大意，保留也不会有啥负面影响。
Simon 刚贴了一个解题思路，仅供参考：
http://ielts-simon.com/ielts-hel ... -2-money-topic.html
This is what I call a "2 part question". Here's my 4-paragraph essay structure:
1. Introduce the topic and give a general answer to both questions.
2. Describe two or three other factors.
3. Say which factor you think is more important.
4. Conclude by repeating / summarising your views.
The development of a country's economy can increase job opportunities and households' wealth. In many countries, especially developing countries, the government's main objective is to ensure the economic progress is steady and rapid. In China the local governments' decision-making process is largely influenced by a sole economic index, that is GDP. Chinese central government considers eliminating the hunger problem which emerged from last century by greatly advancing economic progress as a tremendous achievement. However, after people's basic needs have been met, whether or not keeping the same policy unchanged can still be recognized as a valid standard for the measurement of a country's success will be in question in that different stages during the development of a country require different goals to satisfy its people's various and dynamic demands.
One of probable factors to be considered as a country's success is education level. A hypothetical scenario that a country was full of rich but uneducated people, their hobbies were boxing, hunting, gambling and their vicious and cruel personality drived them to seek new excitement regardless of the consequences can certainly raise rational persons' fear of a failing society. Nowadays the America, the most wealthy and powerful country in the world, also has the majority of world-class leading universities and colleges. Its government strives for the provision of high-quality education not only for gifted children but also for those with average minds. Well-educated individuals know the importance of moral values, social orders and critical thinking skills, all of which are the crucial elements for human civilization to survive and develop for thousand years.
In contrast, in China there is a trend gradually emerging that people tend to believe “going to university is useless” and less and less people maintain the habit of reading in spare time to obtain personal grow.In the meantime, the rate of violent crime increases and people are more likely to resolve their interpersonal conflicts with extreme measures such as abusing, bullying, and even killing. The correlation between the two is undoubtedly significant.
Thus with the rising extent of societal collision as a clear indication for the demand of changing, an effective strategy could be augmenting the level of education in order to keep the country continuing to be successful.
It is self-evident that most people can lead a peaceful and affluent life in a successful country because of sufficient social welfare provided. Social welfare,such as governments' subsidies, can considerably relieve citizens' burdens in their lives especially financial stress in housing and medication. If citizens can receive enough social welfare from governments to support their daily lives, then they can definitely make more contribution to society rather than spending more time on chores. Therefore, one of essential indicators for a nation's success is the amount of societal welfare people can acquire from governments.
这是个例子你参考下 如何逐步论证和选词。希望对你有用
作者: epjgcwxjp 时间: 2013-10-26 10:12
如果题目问give your own opinion, 怎么表明个人看法？
作者: 最新打法3333 时间: 2013-10-26 18:41
如果题目中写到provide own opinion， 如果你在文章中第一段就表示观点的话可以写一句（只是一句）：from my perspective，...(你的观点观点)。 在后文中你就不要在写I了，用It is代替。
举个例子： some people think teachers are necessary for study。 other people think teachers are not necessary, because they can self-study. Discuss both views and provide your opinion.
intro: 写个背景句+加题目改写+This essay will look at both points of view and offer my perspective.(这个句子只是个例子，词汇上有待改进）
body1： 一方面人的观点
body2： 另一方面人的观点
body2： 你的观点。Although ... has some merits, it is admitted that...*你的观点（要学会用It is的句型表示你的观点，这是A类的一个关键点。例如提建议：It is suggusted that。 ）
conclusion.
我一般都写5段式，这样论述比较清楚
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-27 06:14
关于你提出的“不要个人化”的观点，本人不赞同。我只需举一个例子便可以证明：在《剑8》第173页的考官范文中，该作者在最后一段完全以个人感受来论证自己的观点，“Personally, I think that ... I went to a mixed school, but feel that I myself missed ...”
如果你argue这篇是G类作文，A类作文要求更严，那么请往前翻至第167页。在这篇A类写作考官范文中，作者在第3、第5段均以第一人称来阐述观点：“I think to tackle this problem...” “In conclusion, I think that ...”
不过，阁下的那段作文的确更加流畅、严密，给了我很大启发。子曰：三人行必有我师焉。然也！
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-27 14:59
大侠这篇神作，在下不太懂欣赏，怎么看都觉得是5分的范。
1、首段过于冗长，且观点不够鲜明。
2、主体段只论述了教育需作为衡量标准，但完全没有谈及题目的第二个问题“Do you think one factor is more important than others?”
作者: swjq7376 时间: 2013-10-27 21:05
Forget about examples from the IELTS officials. I don't see words like "I think","Personally" appearing in any articles of The Economist. As long as we are communicating, saying those words is perfectly fine. Essay? That's a whole different animal. Higher standard produces greater outcome, don't you think?
作者: e44bph7g0b 时间: 2013-10-28 00:51
腻歪写八股文了,
几分不知道,考场上让我这么写也写不出来,时间不够再加上紧张,最后还得是八股文
作者: ulh0w6x7c 时间: 2013-10-28 01:39
发重复了....
作者: 咖啡因颗颗 时间: 2013-10-28 10:29
Thank you for your reply. The reason why you see the samples that have many "I" is that the examinors can master it better thant you. This is becuase thay are native speaker and their English is far more natural thank you . My ielts teacher told me that in the ielts, first of all, you language should be natural and fluent. This advise is not only suitablt for writing but speaking as well.
We are not native speaker and our english is originally not natural. So we can not completely copy the sample's writing style. You should have your own style and find someone who is native speaker or can handle ielts writing well to refine and make your writing natural and fluent. This is also why I attended ielts class in Brisbane before I achieved four 7.5...
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-28 14:40
As the saying goes, one man's meat may be another man's poison。 So，我认为，你的这种写法与我的这种写法并无矛盾，适合自己就行。All roads lead to Rome.
That's NOT about the naturality of language itself.It's about the context of the task you are trying to accomplish. The real application of writing task 2 is to write a real essay which requires objectivity of the author. It means don't use personal references in it.
Maybe the officials added those words in examples just to tell us "Relax,test-takers. Task 2 is not a real essay.You can write whatever you feel comfortable with."
作者: 爱尔兰香槟 时间: 2013-10-28 20:56
我看移民局官网上写着
There are two IELTS tests—an academic test and a general training test. You need to take only the general test unless otherwise advised by your skills assessing authority.
you are right, you should have your own style of ielts. I am glad to hear you have a ielts tutor for your ielts exam. are you doing your ielts in China?
作者: DoozyDorsDiva 时间: 2013-10-29 16:47
what I said is from a local ielts teacher in australia. I think you are right. I want to add that topic is the one thing ,ietls is aiming to test your english primarily. So it is essential to master english well such as sentance and word selection.
Speaking of the context and idea of eassy, ielts just tests you how could you use english to express idea and support or argue it.
作者: 短发的 时间: 2013-10-29 17:19
俺从来没出过国。
作者: Ali-sa 时间: 2013-10-29 23:45
看这结构框架，原来也是刘老师的弟子啊。
我水平不高，在同义替换上提点建议，obvious可以替换成apparent,evident, for ever可以替换成eternally,complicated可以替换成intricate,
achieved excellent performance可以替换成pull off a feat, destroy可以替换成undermine
vast majority这两个词有点意思重复？
德国这个例子来论证民主的重要性感觉稍弱。最好比较有民主和没民主的区别，才能体现有民主的优越性，但是政治的东西要举例其实不容易。
我觉得你两个论点概念有点大，写教育，医疗，环境污染，食品安全更容易举例
作者: 残云半缕 时间: 2013-10-30 09:48
There are a number of factors that can be used to judge a country’s success, such as economic progress, education and so on. Amongst them, the public frequently considers economic progress as a core factor. In this essay, which factor(s) contribute to the success of a county will be discussed. It suggests that there are a few more factors should be taken into account rather than a single one.
Beside economy, education and environmental protection are two of the most important symbols of a country’s success. Firstly, how much educational resources can a country provides to its people is equal to how much the country is able to help its people to be success. If the government is able to provide the people considerable educational resources, the change of personal success of each individual will soar. The number of successful people in a country will directly link to the success of the country.
Also, environmental protection should also be a significant consideration of a country’s success. If a country is trying to develop is economy by breaking the environment, the citizens will consider it as anything but success. Moreover, if pollution occurs in a country, the people in the country will easily get sick. Therefore, the government will have to spend a large amount of money in medicine. It will become a heavy burden of the nation, and threaten the success of economic progress.
It is hard to deny that the progress of economy is one of the essential factors of a successful country. However, there are things much more significant. Many people reckon that America is a successful country. It is not only because it is the richest countries in the world, but also because it has the most of top 100 universities in the world. On the other hand, China, which has the second largest GDP in the world, has been reported pollution in the most of its regions. That is the main cause of the immigration of wealthy family, and it drastically ruins the success of this country.
In conclusion, there are a number of factors contributing to the success of a country, so it is not objective using single one to measure the success, especially using economic progress.
2、Beside economy, education and environmental protection are two of the most important symbols of a country’s success. 这是全文的中心思想句，应该放在首段而不是主体段。主体段应该用于进行论述，所以以Firstly起头会更好。另外，你的首段太冗长了点，没必要。考官更关注的是你如何论证自己的观点，所以首段只需明确提出你的中心思想即可。
3、the people in the country will easily get sick。sick指感冒之类的小毛病，大病应该用ill。
4、spend a large amount of money in medicine。medicine指药品，从国家层面来说，它花的钱应该是投入在medicare（医疗制度），因为治疗不单包含吃药，还有其他化疗、理疗、护理、康复，以及更深层次的预防、检疫、免疫等，以上这些可统称为医疗制度。
5、It is hard to deny that the progress of economy is one of the essential factors of a successful country. However, there are things much more significant. 题目问哪个因素最重要，但你似乎没有给予正面回答。我的作文是说“所有因素均同等重要”，所以自然没有哪个更重要。但你自己明确说了“there are things much more significant”，用了比较级，意味着有些东西是更重要的，但却没有指出具体是哪个。题目用的是“one factor”，单数，所以你必须指出是“哪一个”。当然，你可以argue教育和环保都是“最重要”的，他们是并列关系，也可以，但我似乎没有看到有相关论述。
作者: 7g3o6229 时间: 2013-10-31 17:59
虚心接受1345， 这些小错误确实有时很恶心～
2的话，第一段我觉得只是模版不同，只是像楼上说不该出现第一人称那哥们一样，我用的是我们学校写论文的模版套的，雅思确实不用这么正式，但也没有错。我们学校的模版第一段一定是3句：1 Background 2 Task list 3 Thesis statement。