A paragraph is the basic unit of an essay. It is a group of sentences all about a single thought or idea. In academic writing, a paragraph varies in length, consisting of at least three sentences all about the same issue; though most well-developed paragraphs would comprise more than this minimum number of sentences. An essay is made up of a series of paragraphs, each paragraph dealing with a particular aspect of the essay topic.
2.6 To sum up: typical paragraph structure
2.7 Different points of view
这一楼先讲‘The Structure of a paragraph’。
The Structure of a paragraph
A paragraph often begins with a general statement that states the topic and controlling idea of the whole paragraph. The sentence, which contains the topic and the controlling idea, is called the topic sentence. A paragraph in expository writing (make it clear) must include a topic sentence. A topic sentence provides a key to what the paragraph is all about. It provides the main idea of the paragraph and therefore will make clear for the reader what to expect in the rest of the paragraph. Using the information from the topic sentence the reader is able to predict the general content of the paragraph. The topic sentence consists of two main parts:
The topic – what the paragraph is about
The controlling idea – how the writer will write about the topic
以上定义了段落的主题句及其组成成分（topic and controlling idea）。同时指出学术类的写作要求是：必须通过主题句（常常是在段落的开头）来清楚地阐述自己的观点，通过主题句读者要能够大概猜到段落的大意和讨论方向。否则，就不符合学术类写作的要求（所以不能含糊不清，不能隐晦，不能捉迷藏，而是要开门见山）。
The topic
The topic is the subject of the paragraph. To identify the topic, ask the question ‘Who or what is this paragraph about?’ Often the topic is stated as a noun or noun group. For example:
Air pollution
Online university courses
Population growth in developed countries
Language acquisition
Transport in cities
Adolescent use of Internet
Problems facing international students
Controlling idea
The controlling idea gives the direction of the paragraph. It controls or limits what will be written about the topic. The writer will focus on only a certain aspect of the topic. A word or group of words in the topic sentence will express the controlling idea. The controlling idea is sometimes expressed in single words or pairs of words (often adjectives and adverbs). For example:
Popular
Convenient
Successful
Inappropriate
Frequently unreliable
Usually stale
Or the controlling idea may be expressed in phrases where the idea of number or amount is relevant such as:
The sole objective
A number of effects
Some advantages
Two main reasons
Several positive features
Or the controlling idea may be expressed in more complex phrases.
Examples of topic sentences (the topic is in bold while the controlling idea is underlined.)
1. Air pollution has a number of effects.
2. There are several positive features attached to online university courses.
3. Mobile phones can be both useful and a nuisance.
4. Why are young children so successful at acquiring language?
5. Transport in cities has some disadvantages for commuters at peak hour.
6. Water pollution has a negative impact on the environment and society.
Practice:
Here are some more topic sentences of paragraphs that you can analyse on your own.
For each one:
1) circle the topic
2) underline the controlling idea
1. There are many kinds of university programs.
2. This is a typical rain forest.
3. Bushfires are in some ways beneficial to the natural environment.
4. The banana crops are regularly checked for insect pests.
通过对topic sentence进行肢解，我们就很清楚地认识到这一个段落应该讲些什么和不应该讲些什么；这是确保Supporting sentences充分围绕topic and controlling idea展开的一个重要前提。
2.6 To sum up: typical paragraph structure
上面先说明了写一个段落的目的：to describe, to define, to explain or to compare. 然后指出根据不同的写作目的，在写法上会有一些小的区别。接着给出了段落的典型结构。可以看出来只有topic sentence和supporting sentences是必须的，其它一般情况下是可选的。
下面是一个分析段落结构的练习：
接下来要谈到Cohesion，大概是指紧凑性和一致性。具体的描述如下：
多用linking words，并且使用准确，确实是能十分体现cohesion的一个方面；而你提到的例子里的cohesion in text则是另一方面。
只要符合cohesion定义的'词的使用'都可以的:
Cohesion means that there are clear links between ideas so that they fit together neatly. （其中一种方法就是：）This can be achieved by using or .
多用linking words，并且使用准确，确实是能十分体现cohesion的一个方面；而你提到的例子里的cohesion in text则是另一方面。
只要符合cohesion定义的'词的使用'都可以的:
Cohesion means that there are clear links between ideas so that they fit together neatly. （其中一种方法就是：）This can be achieved by using or .
上述指出了expository style in academic writing的主要特点，即作者需要按照以下要求组织文章：观点和论点清晰，结论清晰，在开头就提出文章的大纲(an outline of points)和观点（thesis statement），而不是让读者去猜测作者的观点和写作的目的。所以“开门见山”就显得很重要了。对于expository style in academic writing其实有个非常重要的关键点，那就是：predictive。读者一步一步读下去，都应该能很清楚作者已经表达了什么，并且可预测（predict）接下来大概要表达什么，作者要获得的大概结论是什么等等。
注：也许有人会有疑问：“我看到一些高分雅思作文并不是按照expository style in academic writing这种方式写的，那又如何解释？”
我其实也没有很好的解释。我个人觉得把expository style in academic writing用于雅思写作就相当于是一种比较好的易于掌握的大的‘套路’或‘招式’；而其它的写法呢， 或许属于更高境界的‘招式’，甚至是到了‘无招胜有招’的境地。但是先学会一些经典的‘招式’是基础，成长过程中必经的一个阶段，接下来经过长期锻炼和提高，将能达到‘无招胜有招’的境界，这时可以不拘泥于太多的条条框框。
当然张无忌式的人物就属于例外了。他有九阳神功相助，没学过招式照样跻身武林一流高手；而当他学了乾坤大挪移的大招之后，更成为了整个武林最顶尖的高手。如果把词汇和语法比作内功修为，而行文逻辑和布局谋篇比作招式，那么类似的，当你词汇和语法功力很深的时候，像expository style in academic writing这种显得有些拘谨的行文逻辑和布局谋篇的方式其实已经显得有些累赘了；而此时自由发挥，标新立异才更能显示写作的功力。
回到这个帖子的正题，expository style in academic writing的威力到底有多大呢？我亲身实践的、用于雅思作文的结果就是：发挥一半左右是6.5（3次，主要是题材不熟悉，无料可写，所以各位一定要尽量花些时间熟悉各种各样的题材），发挥60-80%是7（2次），发挥70-85%是7.5（3次）。我感觉，就我而言，7和7.5的差别很多是由于小作文的差别造成。至于更好地发挥expository style的威力，我还没有做到过。而且由于词汇和语法基本功有瓶颈，对于我想要考到8分的话，目前能力仍有所欠缺。
OK，这个帖子剩下的内容全部都是用于详细介绍expository style in academic writing的方方面面。如果说这个帖子前面的内容是都属于基础的东西，那么剩余的内容都是高阶的，是精华的，开始真正涉及到“布局谋篇和行文逻辑”这些方面的内容了。 （不过，正所谓‘万丈高楼平地起’，基础的东西确实是最根本的，所以也一定要先重视起来才行）
在以上例子里，task 1的第一句话是都属于limit words，而agree or disagree，justify则是task words；task 2的话，2句话里每句话的后半部分都属于limit words，而describe和suggest都是task words。
上面其实提到的东西都比较一般了，看看就好了。另外推荐大家参考小姨的‘裸奔法’，确实非常好用。
下面我们先了解下Introduction段里的后半部分Outline是怎么写的。
3.2 Outlines
上述的outline例子，outline of points显得比较冗长而且不太现实。这是因为在雅思考试里，一般做不到这么胸有成竹。在写这一句的时候，可以大概简写成‘Discussion covers several significant factors and related recommendations are made as well.’。
这里再举一个类似的例子。可能会有人写出这样的thesis statement:‘外面的太阳很大很大。The Sun is really hot outside.’ 那么然后呢？没有了。这只是对事实的客观描述，并不构成论述的发起点。正确的写法其实应该是‘外面的太阳很大很大，长时间逗留在外面会容易引起晒伤。Since the Sun is very hot outside, people are likely to get sunburn if exposed to the Sun for a long time.’OK，那么接下来文章就可以论述‘为什么容易引起(are likely to get)晒伤以及如何引起晒伤的了’，甚至可以讨论‘可以采取什么措施来避免晒伤’等等。
下面来一个例子，感受一下expository style in academic writing的Introduction段落的写法（注意：outline部分前面已经给出建议怎么缩短了）。
3.5 Conclusion
Module3 到此就结束了。
[]
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作者: 逃避心理 时间: 2011-11-26 15:33
Module 4： Paraphrasing
在介绍the body of an essay的写法这个重头戏之前，下面先介绍下paraphrasing的概念，这对于提高雅思作文的词汇、语法和句式方面的整体表现有着很重要的作用。（paraphrasing属于module 4的一部分内容，但是module 4里其它的内容都与如何引用参考文献相关的，就不一一介绍了）
4.1 Paraphrase practice
Module 4结束。
(Module 5将会讲解重头戏：the body of an essay的写法。待续)
[]
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作者: cqqo9798 时间: 2011-11-26 22:04
哈哈，LZ又来更新啦~
还有一个月我这边六大派就要打上光明顶了，LZ赶紧更新啊，不然打不过啊
作者: 莉林昌 时间: 2011-11-27 01:56
期待后面4个module啊～～～
作者: 陈达翔 时间: 2011-11-27 08:47
下面是我写的activity1.2的答案
The Prime Minister announced to proceed with charging higher tuition to students who want to attend university. The children’s parents were responsible for paying the bill for higher education as the government cannot keep providing this kind of money for university fees when other areas of education need attention. If parents are unwilling to do this, the children themselves should do something instead; for example, get a part-time job to help pay for their education. It is a terrible state of affairs, especially careless about working class families. The education will be probably only for the rich soon.
也不知道改对了多少，请楼主批改下，谢谢！~
作者: 逃避心理 时间: 2011-11-27 19:24
大方向上是对的。只是改动得有点多了。。。
The Prime Minister announced that he/she was going to proceed with charging higher tuition to students who want to attend tertiary education. The children’s parents are responsible for paying the bill for higher education as the government cannot keep providing this kind of money for university fees when other areas of education need attention. If parents are unwilling to do this, the children themselves should do something instead, for example, to get a part-time job to help pay for their education. It would be a terrible state of affairs, especially when not enough attention is paid to working class families. In such case, education will probably only be for the rich soon.
题目：Some people believe the elderly said that life is better in the past. Do you agree or disagree?
In the half past century, the world has changed at a staggering rate. Therefore some elderly cannot adapt to the world which is quite different from their familiar one, and they say that life in the past is much better than life in current society. Some people believe in it. Although I admit that there are some disadvantages in modern world, but I disagree with this view because I believe the modern society has more advantages than drawbacks.
First and foremost, the progressions in technology and science have brought so many good products for us. The new technologies boost our efficiency and productivity, and thus there are loads of new products that are made to satisfy people in various fields, such as washing machine, air condition, airplane, all kinds of food, etc. People in the past cannot live a better life when they were tired down by housework and had few choices of food or transports.
Furthermore, people enjoy far more information than before. In the past, when a letter or a travel took for a few months, people really knew little about the whole world and most of them had to live in a small village for an entire life. In contrast, nowadays, people can easily travel to any countries in the world by air and chat with a friend by phone despite of the distance; they can get large amount of news and know different culture through TV programs, as well as take an open course lesson and search information on the Internet. Thus, people who enjoy the life current society would never like to go back to the past days without so much knowledge and information.
On the other hand, some serious problems are linked to the development of current society. To begin with, many people have been tired down by the competition and the fast pace of life, so they always feel depressed and tense in life. What is more, the high crime rate in the city has lead to a sense of insecurity and the bad pollutions in many areas have badly influenced people’s health. But it is unreasonable to assume that the life is better in the past because of above factors. There would be other problems in the past, such as starving, war and diseases that cannot be able to cure because of the limit medical conditions.
To sum up, I disagree with the opinion that people in the past live a better life. I think the advancing technology has brought more positive changes to the world. So, people in the future would always have a higher level of life conditions as we have than the past.
作者: fjbp6533 时间: 2011-11-29 19:07
收藏了，练习时要好好回顾！
作者: 萧风残月 时间: 2011-11-29 22:19
好贴啊，ＬＺ好人．
先留名，再学习．
作者: 功夫孙 时间: 2011-11-30 07:49
谢谢楼主的奉献
作者: 遴莹卜 时间: 2011-11-30 08:27
真心 感谢！！！
作者: caqqdrocgu 时间: 2011-11-30 15:47
职场中是否只有工作时间久的员工才应该得到晋升的机会，你是否同意，为什么
正文:276字.
There is an ongoing debate about the discussion of whether senior employees should get promotion in an enterprise. I tend to disagree with the view. some primary reasons are as follows:
First of all, the standard of promotion in an organization should be how much the dedication the employees did, instead of how long their resumes are. The factors employers considered are what about the profit for the sales, or how good reputation about their businesses the staff performed and so forth. If only the period staff has in a firm viewed as the aspect for promotion, the future of this firm will go astray. Additionally, the young staff in this enterprise will be frustrated if they cannot get any chance to develop their careers. Before they are getting enough old, the only thing they should do is waiting for getting old. I am not convinced that any employer is pleased to see such young staff in his/her business. The entire firm will be without any vigor and prospect. young fellows lack any motivation ,while senior staff are stably sitting on their position admired for ages.
By contrast, some may claim that old stuff are typically experienced and will be helpful to the development of a firm. Indeed in a way, in some cases, however, the age is not equal to the experience. And a employee lack of experience cannot deal with any critical problem.
Overall, I take the view that the chance of promotion should be considered in various capacities rather than the staff's age only. The sienor staff can be elevated or not ,which really depends on how much their dedication they brought about for the business.
作者: 靈起點 时间: 2011-11-30 21:19
早晨回忆11.4号G类大作文,重写了一遍,题目大致是这样,记不太清了,烦请楼主和各位同学给看看.
作者: pdsfdruht 时间: 2011-12-1 07:43
学习，学习，谢谢LZ
作者: 逃避心理 时间: 2011-12-1 14:35
题目：Some people believe the elderly said that life is better in the past. Do you agree or disagree?
In the half past century, the world has changed at a staggering rate. Therefore some elderly cannot adapt to the world which is quite different from their familiar one, and they say that life in the past is much better than life in current society. [, delete] Although [Although..but, because/since...so 不能成对出现] I admit that there are some disadvantages in modern world, but [，罗嗦了，建议删掉] I believe the modern society has more advantages than drawbacks.
First and foremost, the [->advances] in technology and science have brought [，带情感色彩了，delete] ->significant changes to our life. [For example,] The new technologies boost our efficiency and productivity, and thus there are loads of new products that are made to satisfy people in various fields, such as washing machines, air conditioners, airplanes, [all->different] kinds of [new] food, etc. [By constrast,] People in the past [cannot->could not，时态错] [live a better life,这个太泛泛而谈了，没有说服力] when they were tired down by housework [你是不是想说以前没有电冰箱，洗衣机，空调，洗碗机之类的产品，所以他们没有足够的时间来放松和恢复自己呢？现在这么写是没法表达这个意思。逻辑上来说应该是和前半段做对比了，但是前后两个半段的关系却不紧密，显得比较乱]. and->They also had few choices of food or->and transports. 【总之，从这个段落的topic sentence来看，这段主要应该分析科学技术发展带来的好处，那么你直接论述好处好了，可以从生活的几个重要的方面列举并说明几个好处就OK了；如果你同时也要对比以前的生活，那么topic sentence是不太合适，虽然这么似乎也是OK，但是为了这个段落更加严谨和紧凑，建议最好能改进一下。此外，你的比较和对比也做得不好，前后不太搭。所以，一定要注意topic sentence的controlling idea，是什么就是什么，这个段落每一句都应该服务于这个controlling idea，比如说科学技术带来了好处，那就只论述好处；比如说科学技术技术解决了以前存在的问题，带来了好处，那么就论述有哪些问题，通过什么技术解决了（感觉你的写法更倾向于这个方向）。这个controlling idea的要点看来你还没有领悟得很好很透彻，从而造成了论述逻辑上的混乱、不严谨。】
Furthermore, ，一样的问题，controlling idea：far more information 其实无法概括你这整个段落的阐述，其实这段还是论述科学技术的好处，你该怎么与上一段做好区分呢？你真的需要分成2个段落来写么？理由是什么？. In the past, when a letter or a travel took for a few months, people really knew little about the whole world and most of them had to live in a small village for an entire life. In contrast, nowadays, people can easily travel to any countries in the world by air and chat with a friend by phone despite of the distance [这样句子就只有6分或5.5分的水平了，因为travel和chat via phones属于two different supporting points，从不同方面和角度来体现了科学技术带来的好处，你需要通过不同的句子具体的写出来这样的好处是什么]; they can [not only] [->access to，词汇的使用不够地道，体现了用词水平不高，也就是词汇的基本功不到位] [a] large amount of news and know->这个词很逊，可以用experience，appreciate等 different culture through TV programs, [->but also] take an open ，重复了 and search information on the Internet. Thus, people who enjoy ，语病 would never，不够客观或过度推理 like to go back to the past days without so much knowledge and information. [最后一句还不如不说了，和本段的论述关系不大]
On the other hand, some serious problems are linked to the development of current society. To begin with, many people have been tired down by the competition and the fast pace of life, so they ，慎用 feel depressed and tense in life. What is more, the high crime rate in the [city->cities] has [lead->led，语法错] to a sense of insecurity and the [bad，delete，罗嗦了] pollutions in many areas have badly influenced people’s health. [ 一样的问题，这句话并不服务于主题句的controlling idea] [ 还是一样的问题，这句话并不服务于主题句的controlling idea] 【最后这两句话可以换成其它服务于controlling idea的句子或直接删掉，至于最后的结论，你可以直接给出，不需要这两句话的。因为前面有两个主体段（假设）你都已经论述了科学技术带来了巨大的好处并深刻改变了我们的生活，那么尽管存在一点点的问题，是不影响你得到最后的结论的。从而也就成功反驳了题目的观点。】
To sum up, I disagree with the opinion that people in the past live a better life. I think the advancing technology has brought more positive changes to the world. So, people in the future would always have a higher level of life conditions as we have than the past.
正文:276字.
There is an ongoing debate about the discussion of whether senior employees should ->receive better changces of，光用get恐怕词不达意啊，其实我很想知道题目的原本的表达方式，从而可以做更准确的同义转换 promotion in an enterprise. I tend to disagree with the view -> and several reasons for this will be explored in the folllowing.，因为句子太短了，所以建议合成一句来说
[缺主题句，一个很严重的错误] First of all, the standard of promotion in an organization should [->用词不准确，用consider更好] how much the dedication the employees ->have shown, instead of how long -> they have been working for. The factors [that] employers ->should consider when they make decisions on whether to promote any of their employees，时态错，且描述不具体 are what about the profit for the sales, or how good reputation about their businesses the staff performed and so forth，这么写很乱，也不好改，我感觉你其实可以把【There are sevral significant factors that employers should consider when they make decisions on whether to promote any of their employees】作为主题句，这样再来看看应该怎么在这段里展开论述，会比较清楚点. 【当你用一个段落论述好了‘sevral significant factors that employers should consider’以后，以下的这些论述可以另起一段，主要写写如果这些significant factors没有照顾到的后果，最后就可以直接得出你的最后结论了If only the period staff has in a firm viewed as the aspect for promotion, the future of this firm will go astray. Additionally, the young staff in this enterprise will be frustrated if they cannot get any chance to develop their careers. Before they are getting enough old, the only thing they should do is waiting for getting old. I am not convinced that any employer is pleased to see such young staff in his/her business. The entire firm will be without any vigor and prospect. young fellows lack any motivation ,while senior staff are stably sitting on their position admired for ages.】
By contrast, some may claim that old stuff are typically experienced and will be helpful to the development of a firm. Indeed in a way, in some cases, however, the age is not equal to the experience. And a employee lack of experience cannot deal with any critical problem.
Overall, I take the view that the chance of promotion should be considered in various capacities rather than the staff's age only. The sienor staff can be elevated or not ,which really depends on how much their dedication they brought about for the business.
我也写了个相同主题的，格式有点乱
============
Whether the company should promote the people who have served for
a long time or recruit new employees for senior managers, is always a
hot topic. Some firms just give the promotion to their own employees.
I think this offers a wide variety of benefits as discussed below.
Firstly, these kinds of people are more familiar with the company’s
status than individuals hired from other companies. Specifically, they
know in detail, how the organization is run, what the specific processes
are, as well as the advantages and the drawbacks of their own products.
Therefore, they can quickly get accustomed to the new roles and
complete assignments as quickly as possible. By contrast, people newly
recruited from others always spend much more time to understand every
aspect of the company, which definitely decreases the speed of response
to customers’ needs. Besides, employees who have stayed in the company
for many years usually have built up the good relationship with other
people. That means, it is very easy for them to get the cooperation
and support from other teams. As experienced employees, these kinds of
people prove to be precious treasure of the company.
However, there are obvious shortcomings for them. They may not be
innovative or creative since they tend to prefer keeping the current
pace and maintaining the existing structure. Sometimes, in order to
maintain the relationship with other teams, they probably abandon
aggressive actions. But overall, the company needs stable management layers to support all of their strategies and development plans since they
are the backbone of the company.
To sum up, I believe, advantages it created greatly outweigh the disadvantages, promoting employees who have stayed in the company for a long time. Their rich experiences and healthy human relationship with other employees, can help the company expand businesses, even if they may not encourage innovation.
作者: 逃避心理 时间: 2011-12-3 07:59
[Promotion of employees in a company is a significant issue.] Whether the company should promote the people who have served for
a long time or recruit new employees for senior managers, is [always,delete] a
[hot->debatable] topic. Some firms [just->prefer to] give the promotion to their own employees.
I think this offers a wide variety of benefits as discussed below.
[缺主题句，格调立马降了下来；如果你认为下面的第一句是主题句，那么是不合格的主题句] Firstly, these kinds of people，这个不如直接写current employees之类的 are more familiar with the company’s
status than individuals hired from other companies. Specifically, they
know in detail, how the organization is run, what the specific processes
are, as well as the advantages and the drawbacks of their own products.
Therefore, they can quickly get accustomed to the new roles and
complete assignments as quickly as possible [如果换成写more efficiently and effectively是不是更好]. By contrast, people newly
recruited from others [always->usually,often,tend to] spend much more time to [try to] understand every
aspect of the company, which definitely,同样的问题，过于肯定 decreases the speed of response
to customers’ needs. Besides, employees who have stayed in the company
for many years usually have built up the good relationship with other
people. That means, it is [very,delete]easy for them to get the cooperation
and support from other teams. As experienced employees, these kinds of
people prove to be precious treasure of the company.
However, there are obvious shortcomings for them. They may not be
innovative or creative since they tend to prefer keeping the current
pace and maintaining the existing structure. Sometimes, in order to
maintain the relationship with other teams, they probably abandon
aggressive actions. [But overall, the company needs stable management layers to support all of their strategies and development plans since they are the backbone of the company.与主题句不相干，但是也是很有意思的一个点an interesting point，存在着布局谋篇的问题]
To sum up, I believe, [the] advantages [it?指代后面的动名词引领的插入语么？比较拗口，华而不实] created greatly outweigh the disadvantages, promoting employees who have [stayed in->served] the company for a long time [.-> because,这里存在明显的因果关系，却缺少linking words，十分可惜] Their rich experiences and healthy human relationship with other employees, can [help the company expand businesses, even if they may not encourage innovation,这后半句是不合适的，前文并没有论述这点，写conclusion的一忌].
This module highlights a number of structural and language features to achieve coherence and cohesion in your writing. It will also suggest ways in which you can adopt a tentative writing style to achieve credibility in your written text.
例如下面这个标题，Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical service should be run by the govenment instead of profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private health care outweigh the davantages.
Health, like education and freedom, is essential to people’s wellbeing. Generally, health care can be provided either by the government or by private companies. However, many private medical services are so expensive to afford by the poor people that some people argue that government should run the medical service in order to ensure that all people can access to it. [注意这里，前后两句话还是有点点的gap，具体怎么改进，就留着了] This essay will argue that there are more advantages of private health services than disadvantages.
所以说首段的写法虽然看起来简单，真要写好，还是要花不少功夫去思考和练习的。
这个帖子的#83也有一个具体的例子参考（当然topic不一样）：
Promotion of employees in a company is a significant issue. Whether the company should promote the people who have served for a long time or recruit new employees for senior managers, is a debatable topic. Some firms prefer to give the promotion to their own employees. I think this offers a wide variety of benefits as discussed below.
例如下面这个标题，Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so medical service should be run by the govenment instead of profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private health care outweigh the davantages.
最近重新读了帖子， 研究了范文， 又写了篇， 麻烦大师看看， 结构有所提高没？
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which is more effective and productive, parenting or schooling? This is a frequent topic of discussion when people talk about educating their own children to become valuable to society
Undeniably, parents are first teachers of children in this respect, when children share their toys to friends and try to help mother do housework for the first time. In other words, since children come to this world, on a daily basis, mother and father has already given clues to children what kind of persons are valued by society and how to get respect from society. Therefore, a parent takes the unavoidable responsibility in coaching children to mature into good members of society, especially before children go to school.
However, it is the school where a child acquires not only academic knowledge but also good traits that benefit society. According to our own school experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that a child could obtain what contributes to becoming valuable to society. For example, teachers would show what should be considered when evaluating an excellent student. And in the competition of leaders in student unions, kids could know what personalities and actions would be appreciated by most of students.
I think, as with all questions of schooling versus parenting regarding cultivating good virtues, they should collaborate with each other, linking home and school together. When parents and teachers are united to do the same things, children can benefit. Without the support from parents, teachers would find out how difficult to correct the bad action of a child. And without teachers’ cooperation, parents would not effectively instill high moral values to their own children.
In conclusion, parents should educate children how to become valuable member of society since kids are born. But it cannot be a parent’s job alone. Schools also impact a child a lot once children go to school.
which is more effective and productive, parenting or schooling? This is a frequent topic of discussion when people talk about educating their own children to become valuable to society
Undeniably, parents are [the] first teachers of children in this respect, [for example], when children share their toys [to->with] friends and try to help [mother->their mothers] do housework for the first time. In other words, since children come to this world, on a daily basis, mother and father [has->have] already given clues to children what kind of persons are valued by society and how to get respect from society [注意这个句子和前面一个句子的关系，不是那么的紧密；我感觉就是几个拳头用力打出去了，却不在一个地方上]. Therefore, a parent takes the unavoidable responsibility in coaching children to mature into good members of society, especially before children go to school.
However, it is the school where a child acquires not only academic knowledge but also good traits that benefit society. According to our own school experience, we can find plenty of evidence to support the view that a child could obtain what contributes to becoming valuable to society. For example, teachers would show what should be considered when evaluating an excellent student. And [句子开头一般不可以是And] in the competition of leaders in student unions, kids could know what personalities and actions would be appreciated by most of students.
I think, as with all questions of schooling versus parenting regarding cultivating good virtues, they should collaborate with each other, linking home and school together. When parents and teachers are united to do the same things, children can benefit [我感觉这句话是很值得改进的]. Without the support from parents, teachers would find out how difficult to correct the bad action of a child. And [句子开头一般不可以是And] without teachers’ cooperation, parents would not effectively instill high moral values to their own children.
In conclusion, parents should educate children how to become valuable member of society since kids are born. But it cannot be a parent’s job alone. Schools also impact a child a lot [用a lot不如用些具体的事例和动名词短语来具体描述是哪些方面] once children go to school.
[]
作者: 阿狸穆森 时间: 2011-12-4 23:08
Appreciate your sharing! It is beneficial for maximizing the IELTS score. 我这句应该没错误吧 呼呼
回去好好研究研究阿 LS分享得很有用
A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the sweeping trend of globalization, countries increasingly frequently interact with each other in economy, culture and politics. This mutual interaction would probably generate large flux of migrants among countries, which may bring significant impacts on local daily life and social development. This essay will argue that countries the world over would profit enormously from the mixture of nationalities and cultures although they should be confront with some drawbacks as well. The reasons for my position are as follows.
Obviously, both nations and local citizens will benefit from multi-culture and globalization. To begin with, people who live with many foreigners may experience more cultures, customs, festivals and religions than those who only communicate to native residents. These experiences definitely enrich their entertainments in spare time, which would make their lives more stimulating and colorful. One particular salient example of cultural diversity is Christmas Day of western countries. People from eastern countries these days could also spend it together, sharing happiness and fun with families and friends. Moreover, nations with mixed nationalities and cultures are probably more competitive associated with the fact that international trades and communication with foreigners require a deeply mutual understanding. As a result, more connection to person of various nationalities may frequently promote the social development eventually.
Admittedly, this phenomenon has brought some negative impacts on the society as well, but it is still under control. Firstly, some historical traditions or customs would disappear gradually as the cultural assimilation, and it may cause ethnic conflicts because of communication barriers between different nationalities. More serious is eroding local values, thus native culture seems to lose its dominant roles finally. Nonetheless, these problems could probably be addressed or avoided by correct guidance and stringent control of the authorities. At the meantime, people are also advised to enhance their ability of justice in order to reject the dross and assimilate the essence.
By way of conclusion, it is the mixed nationalities and cultures that make it possible for persons to live more interesting and countries to develop more quickly. Although there are still several potential threatens to social development, a mixed population structure really deserves recommendation.
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作者: 逃避心理 时间: 2011-12-5 21:48
A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities and cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the sweeping trend of globalization, countries increasingly frequently，有点拗口 interact with each other in economy, culture and politics. This mutual interaction would probably generate large flux of migrants among countries, which may bring significant impacts on local daily life and social development. This essay will argue that [countries the world over,有点拗口] would profit enormously from the mixture of nationalities and cultures although they should be confront[ed?要想拿7分以上，这类似的错误就不要犯] with some drawbacks as well. The reasons for my position are as follows. [总的来说，very good，篇幅上稍微长了一点点，如果能更精练些更好了]
Obviously, both [nations->domestic economy,更好？] and local citizens [and前后部分与主体段里相应的论述次序是不一致的，这个最好避免] will->would benefit from multi-culture and globalization. To begin with, people who live with many foreigners may experience more cultures, customs, festivals and religions than those who only communicate to native residents. These experiences [definitely->are likely to] enrich their entertainments in spare time, which would make their lives more stimulating and colorful. One particular salient example of cultural diversity is Christmas Day of western countries. People from eastern countries these days could also spend it together, sharing happiness and fun with families and friends. Moreover, nations with mixed nationalities and cultures are probably more competitive associated with the fact that international trades and communication with foreigners require a deeply mutual understanding. As a result, more connection to person of various nationalities may frequently promote the social development eventually.
Admittedly, this phenomenon has brought some negative impacts on the society as well, but it is still under control. Firstly, some historical traditions or customs would disappear gradually as the cultural assimilation, and it may cause ethnic conflicts because of communication barriers between different nationalities. More serious is eroding local values, thus native culture seems to lose its dominant roles finally. Nonetheless, these problems could probably be [addressed->tackled] or avoided by correct guidance and stringent control of the authorities. At the meantime, people are also advised to enhance their ability of justice in order to reject the dross and assimilate the essence.
[By way of conclusion->In conclusion，简洁明了], it is the mixed nationalities and cultures that make it,前后2个it，不是很好。这个句子不够自然了 possible for persons to live more interesting and countries to develop more quickly. Although there are still several potential threatens to social development, a mixed population structure really deserves recommendation.
由于结尾段还没来得及推出。。。这里先简单介绍下吧：
In conclusion/To sum up/To conclude/In summary, although xxx， yyy （主体段的总结，同义转换，最好show一下你这方面很行）. Therefore/As a result/Thus/Consequently, zzz (essay观点重申，同义转换，similarly，最好show一下你这方面很行). [All in all, #%$#%@$%. 如果有信心有能力，那么在这里展望一下未来、合理延伸你的观点等等]