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一个是51批改网，另一个是淘宝上的英卡，上传了附件，欢迎各位围观。
曾经hjx500同学发过一篇他在淘宝上找的外教批改，感觉那个的确很地道，无奈人家不愿共享信息，只好自己慢慢找，去芜存菁了。
原文和题目附件可见，这里贴一个51老师的评论和重写文
评论：
Generally, you write well, but there are obvious inconsistencies in your writing You demonstrate that you have a good understanding of the topic and your use of examples in support of your argument is adequate. Grammatical errors effect the fluency at times. To improve your writing you need to:
1. Continue to work with your sentences, at times you use good sentence formations but this is not consistent in your writing yet.
2. There are some grammar issues which you need to revise. There are instances where you have not framed sentences accurately. In addition, choice of words could have been better in some cases.
Repetition is also visible. Give this priority as it is effecting your score.
3. It is important that you continue to revise and practice, and ensure that you understand the reasons for each correction.
4. Focus also on expanding your vocabulary further so that you may use different terms throughout your text and avoid repetitions.
5. Pay further attention to using a variety of sentence structures.
范文重写：
Throughout the world, decentralisation is a controversial issue, in part as it compels industries and businesses to move out of metropolitan areas and into rural regions. It is my view that such reform overcomes the frictions it could bring.
The basic concept sounds simple enough: that large cities should be designated for people's living in regards to climate, the environment, job opportunities and the cost of living. First of all, it is well recognised that industries play a crucial role in environmental impact and climate change, without debating the consequences of the chemical and noise pollutants, but offering an actual example. Beijing eventually fulfilled the environmental requirement of air quality at a prescribed level to hold the Olympic Games in 2008 by forcing industries to relocate to outer areas. Furthermore, encouraging business organisations to gather together indeed helps re-locating and re-configuring resources of the society, and with closer cooperation and abundant competition, more job opportunities are created.
Admittedly, advances always bring difficulties. Living costs increase while firms are moving into regional area, not only transportation costs and loss of time, but it also brings other social issues especially children's education, as those who are working outside of the city, barely have sufficient time to be with their children. Viewed from this perspective policymakers need to focus on improving traffic conditions and providing relevant school facilities such as after-school care.
The trend that more industries and businesses move to outer areas is almost certain to continue, and despite some negative effects, both society and individuals will continue to benefit from it.
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发表于 2011-2-28 11:09:39
支持
反对
