作文,作文,作文,请大家帮忙指导下(更新一篇) ,谢谢

bnsdoyhhsg · 发表于 2010-6-8 07:36:36

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Schools should teach children the academic subjects which will be beneficial for their future career, so other subjects like music and sports are not important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with these opinions?

There is a growing trend in schooling these days that teachers place more emphases on academic studying, while neglecting other subjects such as music, art and sports. They argue that these optional subjects seem to be less advantageous to students in terms of career development. But I personally do not believe this will be the best way to cultivate our children at school.

On the one hand, obviously, focusing more attention on academic subjects does have the potential to bring about young students a plenty of benefits, including those associated with vocational promotion. With modern technology developing so fast ,many jobs in future will be more challenged and need more advanced skills for employees, therefore a person who can not manage to achieve a good qualification will be less able to find a decent job in labour market, and thus personal development in career might be unimaginable. So children working hard in academy with continued teaching should be more likely to be successful in future working life, compared with those having a poor academic level.

On the other hand, those subjects which are considered less useful for children’s future career, such as music, art and sports actually play an active role in their future working life in terms of physical and psychological development. Specifically, when children have been taught to play an instrument, sports or do painting, they can benefit themselves a lot from those activities, such as confidence, cooperation and competition, which certainly can contribute to their promotion in career in future. Moreover, in some cases, a child will be found to have a special gift in these areas and ultimately become a great musician, artist or exceptional sports star.

In conclusion, on behalf of children’s future, it is always worth spending time and efforts in academic subjects, as well as those optional subjects such as music, art and sports. The combination of the two types of subject in schooling may be the most beneficial for children in terms of growing up and future career as a whole.

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新作文一篇

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime,others ,however, argue that circumstances of an individual crime,and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, whether having a fixed punishment has become a frequent topic of discussion,especially when people find it more resonable to punish a criminal with consideration of the paticular circumstances and motivation

Some people argue that a fixed punishment will have a deterring role in combating crime. As potential violators may have a clear sense of the consequences of their acts, they might reconsider commiting the crime.So from our own experience ,we can find a plenty of evidence to surpport this view that fixed punishments can be a effective way to prevent crime.

However, some people believe the circumstances and motivation involved in a individual crime is what can effectively differentiate a violent criminal from a non-violent one. For example, a law-abiding citizen killing a person for self-defence should not be treated as a crucial killer who enjoys murdering humanbeings psychologically, and the regular punishment for this case seems too harsh to be suitable.

I personally believe that enforcing the fixed punishments against crime can indeed contribute to justice and equity in law. This help make sure that no one can above the law, regardlees of how rich or powerful he or she is. However, although fixing punishment can benefit our society in many respects, there are some limits here because this approach is neither strict enough for those violent criminal acts nor appropriate for those vitimless ones. Therefore, taking circumstances and motivication into consideration can provide a room for the court and jury to make a more acceptable decision on a specific crime, which will certainly be of benefit to individuals,families and the society as a whole.

In conclusion, the two measures for punishing are not mutually exclusive,and the combination of them can offer us a facility for establishing justice ,equity and security in community and society level.

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sfhl5042 · 发表于 2010-6-8 17:47:53

"many jobs in future will be more challenged "
~~~~~~~~~~
应该是challenging

bnsdoyhhsg · 发表于 2010-6-8 19:06:55

很感谢您的回答,谢谢

Thintyroyania · 发表于 2010-6-9 01:29:56

There is a growing trend in schooling these days that teachers placemore emphases on academic studying, while neglecting other subjectssuch as music, art and sports. They argue that these optional subjectsseem to be less advantageous to students in terms of careerdevelopment. But I personally do not believe this will be the best wayto cultivate our children at school.

1.schooling-->schools
2.studying-->subjects(没有必要改,按题目的就好)
3.other subjects --->non-academic subjects (与前面成对比,other subjects指代不清)
4.They -->Some teachers, they:一,指代不清,二,过于绝对,并不是所有的老师都有这种做法的.
5.these optional subjects --> the non-academic subjects
6. seem to be less advantageous --> are less helpful
7.在第二句末加, while other teachers/parents等 ......对立的观点. 这样子后面会接得比较顺.
8.句子开头一般不要用but, but-->However
9. believe-->agree
10. cultivate -->educate即可

On the one hand, obviously, focusing more attention on academicsubjects does have the potential to bring about young students a plentyof benefits, including those associated with vocational promotion. Withmodern technology developing so fast ,many jobs in future will be morechallenged and need more advanced skills for employees, therefore aperson who can not manage to achieve a good qualification will be lessable to find a decent job in labour market, and thus personaldevelopment in career might be unimaginable. So children working hardin academy with continued teaching should be more likely to besuccessful in future working life, compared with those having a pooracademic level.

1. 第一句: On the one hand, focusing more on academic subjects can potentially bring benefits to young students in career development.
2.LZ, vocational promotion, 你想表达什么?
3.第二句, With fast development in modern technology,
4. in future --> in the future
5. 在more后加techically
6.challenged 后加, 将and 改为and hence, employees are required to be equipped with more advanced skills.
7.therefore -->Therefore, ....(从开一句)
8. a person --> people
9. can not manage to --> fail to (另in academic writing, can not --> cannot)
10. qualification 后加 in academic subjects,
11. be less able to -->be less likely to
12. labour --> job
13.and thus personaldevelopment in career might be unimaginable--> 从开一句: This may result in great difficulties in future career development.
14.最后一句可以删去.

On the other hand, those subjects which are considered less useful forchildren’s future career, such as music, art and sports actually playan active role in their future working life in terms of physical andpsychological development. Specifically, when children have been taughtto play an instrument, sports or do painting, they can benefitthemselves a lot from those activities, such as confidence, cooperationand competition, which certainly can contribute to their promotion incareer in future. Moreover, in some cases, a child will be found tohave a special gift in these areas and ultimately become a greatmusician, artist or exceptional sports star.

1. those subjects .....future career->non-academic subjects
2.应在第一句点出non-academic subjects表面上对日后工作没有直接联系,但于人的体格,心理发展上有重要影响.
3.Specifically --> For example,
4.第二句应断开成两句:一讲有好处,二具体讲有什么好处.
5.这段的观点相对地弱了点,并没有与第二段起到很好的对比作用

In conclusion, on behalf of children’s future, it is always worthspending time and efforts in academic subjects, as well as thoseoptional subjects such as music, art and sports. The combination of thetwo types of subject in schooling may be the most beneficial forchildren in terms of growing up and future career as a whole.

1. on behalf of 不适当

LZ的开头段及第二段的结构不错,有应题, 但从第三段开始就有点问题.结论中的观点并没有很好地在前几段展出从而有点牵强.另外,LZ于词言的准确性上需要提高.

sjfuvj078 · 发表于 2010-6-9 12:53:03

wj22是个好TX啊

bnsdoyhhsg · 发表于 2010-6-9 22:51:53

[quote]原帖由于 8-6-2010 17:32 发表
There is a growing trend in schooling these days that teachers placemore emphases on academic studying, while neglecting other subjectssuch as music, art and sports. They argue that these optional sub ... [/quote}
您真是好人，多谢了看来我还要多努力
vacational promotion 是想避免与 career development 在重复，不知道对不对

bnsdoyhhsg · 发表于 2010-6-10 09:37:59

marm5469 · 发表于 2010-6-10 10:14:55

第二篇的这个话题蛮难写的...
不知道是不是我理解有问题，我感觉楼主写得有点偏题了
题目是：每种犯罪都应该有固定的刑罚，还是要依据当时的情况予以增加或减刑
而楼主讨论到了‘自我防卫’是不是要受到惩罚...等等...其实‘自我防卫’本身就不是crime...
楼主参考下吧，对于语法我没什么能帮得上的...

进哥理财 · 发表于 2010-6-10 21:12:00

太多动名词短语作主语的句子了，整个句子头重脚轻，偶尔几句还行，太多了就不好了。和上篇一样是用中文语序组织起来的句子，读着很别扭。

新的这篇还有好几个语法错误，估计是5分左右。

我帮改写了一下前2段，你的原文已经定式了，我只能重新组织一下句子了。

Nowdays, the discussion about the fixed criminal punishment is still a hot attention among the people with the opinion that particular circumstance and motivation should be in consideration for a reasonable punishment.

Some people belive that a fixed punishment can bring up an active impact against crime. Potential violations might be getting less because of more fear about the severe consequence in the process of out-of-law activities, which would result in the reconsideration of law offenders in their committing a crime. Based on the past reports and evidences, we can see the effective influence how fixed punishment can frighten the criminals in their statements of confessions.

shdr8898 · 发表于 2010-6-11 07:33:03

vocation 不仅仅有职业的含义,一般用于指特别适合,尤其是个人有特殊感觉的职业.所以vocation于此用法不合适.
雅思语言不仅要求多样,而且还要求准确.考鸭切忌乱套同义词,有些词语中文上意思接近甚至一样,但用法与用途往往大相庭径.
所以不可看到意思相近的词就拿来互用.

关于语言的重复,其实,只要合理的把语序掉一下,换写简单的单字即可.如 career development,在不影响语意的情况下或上下文做适当的调节后,可直接用future career, professional development, career planning 等.这些都不是什么很困难的词,表达出要表达的意思就好,不需要用一些太过高级,甚至是文绉绉的词.

[雅思杂谈] 作文,作文,作文,请大家帮忙指导下(更新一篇) ,谢谢

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