g类task1 作文求批系列

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-7 13:31:12

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3.19考试，真诚希望各位提出意见，好听难听，俺一定虚心接受：）

系列之1

You have just obtained a new job. However, you are unable to get to work on time. Write a letter to your boss, explaining the situation and asking whether there is possibility of your starting work the other day.

Dear Mr. Smith,

I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.

I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no other rooms for her. So I have to spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.

I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.

Yours sincerely,

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孤虫的思想 · 发表于 2011-3-7 16:36:42

拙见，最后一句， appreciate 用法不对：
Your consideration will be highly appreciated if you could grant my request and send me a reply at your earliest convenience.

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-8 03:49:51

高人，正中要点，非常感谢哈：）

且行 · 发表于 2011-3-8 07:21:53

I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago
gets应该过去时吧
a weeks：单复数

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-8 17:09:03

对对对，这俺都搞错了，谢谢：）

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-8 22:07:16

I am a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.
I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no other rooms for her. So I have to spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.

总结下各位的点批，的确发现了不少问题，受益非浅啊！
btw，俺的作文是不是太口语化了呢？

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佛眼看商 · 发表于 2011-3-9 08:26:07

Dear Mr. Smith,
      I am (1)a new employee who just gets the offer a weeks ago. (2)According to the plan, I will be there for working on next Wednesday. But something has happened to me and I am sorry to request a delay for my starting work.
      I am so grateful for getting a job from your company and ready to work with full energy and heart. (3)But something interrupted my schedule abruptly, (4)that is my landlord's daughter will be here from America on Friday, and I have to move out, otherwise there will be no (5)other rooms for her. So I have to (6)spend several days to find a new place before her arrival. Thus I think it (7)will be impossible for my to begin my work at the right time. I do not know if it is possible for me to delay my staring , though I do hope you can give me the chance to postpone my starting for one week.
      I will be very appreciated if you can kindly consider my request and give me a favorable reply at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,

我的水平也就一般，说点我自己感觉有问题的地方，不能保证正确，仅供参考啊。
(1).我感觉这里应该用the，因为你要请假的这个人应该是知道你的情况的，a应该用在对一个对你完全陌生的人介绍情况的时候
(2).I will be there for working on next Wednesday，这个我感觉不是很地道，如果是我的话我会写I'm supposed to start working next Monday / I was expected to start working next Monday.
(3).我觉得But这个分句应该拿掉，不然觉得进入主题太慢了，不符合西方人的思维方式
(4).that is后面跟一个完整的简单句这种状况我感觉有点不对劲，但是我也说不清楚怎么改好
(5).other应该去掉吧
(6).据说是没有spend some time to do sth的说法的，建议改成spend some time on finding...
(7).我感觉impossible放在这有点太大或者说太强烈了，如果是我的话会写I might not be able to ...，另外后面的第一个my应该是me，打错字了吧大概是。还有my work我感觉应该是指某一件分配给你的具体工作，建议改成begin working。最后的right time不合适，建议改称scheduled time或者as scheduled/as planned.

我感觉lz的功力还是相当不错的，尤其是用词很准，应该是个平时都会经常接触英语的人吧。就整体结构而言我还有两点想提的，一个是我觉得最好尽量把理由的summary尽快写出来，尤其要避免两次使用something happened而还没给人解释到底是什么happened，西方人不喜欢这样。另一个是你文中出现的例子可能在某些考官眼里站不住脚，毕竟在一个英国人眼里你租了房子肯定是要签合同嘛，房东也没有权力说让你搬走就搬走啊。就算让你退租也没有事到临头了才突然提出来的。

以上纯属个人意见，仅供参考，如有说对，纯属巧合

121779 · 发表于 2011-3-9 19:31:42

非常感谢您的建议，小小的一个作文，竟能抛出这么多问题，很多低级错误啊，让俺能学到这么多东西，感激不尽啊。我3.19要考试，因为工作太忙了，还没开始练习作文，所以打算现在工作偷懒，一天写几篇，提交到Freeoz，烦请各位老大不吝点评啊。

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121779 · 发表于 2011-3-10 00:56:50

求批G类Task1作文之2，先再次感谢上面各位老大。
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You are now studying in an English-speaking country. You find it inconvenient and uncomfortable to live in your dorm. Now write a letter to the school authorities to complain about it, explaining the situation and expressing your suggestions as to the improvement on the situation
Dear Madam or Sir,
I am an overseas student coming from China and I enjoy the campus life very much but also find some problems with my accommodation, so I am writing you to express my suggestions.
As mentioned above, I am not a native English speaker. I really want to know more English culture and melt myself into the campus environment. So it will be much better for me to living with some students who speak English, but I am disappointed to find that all of other students in my dorm come aboard too. Because they do not speak English well and so do I, it is inconvenient and uncomfortable for us to chat and know well each other. If the school can think more about the situation and take some actions to make better arrangement of our accommodation, such as arranging some native students and non-native students living in a same dorm, it will greatly improve our familiarity with English culture and friendship because there are bridges which can connect students each other coming different countries.
Thank you for your attention and it will be greatly appreciated if you can kindly consider my suggestions.
Yours sincerely,

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121779 · 发表于 2011-3-10 07:51:51

You bought a walkman at the duty-free shop of the airport. However, after you arrived home, you were disappointed to find that it was out of order. Write a letter to the shop to explain your problem with the Walkman and request them to solve the problem.
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Dear Madam or Sir,
I just bought a walkman at your shop 2 days ago, but it has stopped working now. So I am writing you and hope that you can exchange a new one for me because it is still in the warranty period.
The type of the walkman I bought is DCS 101. Because it was packed well and has never been opened, so I didn't check whether there are something wrong with all the functions on the spot. But when I came back home and opened the package, I found that the one of the buttons is out of order. According to the terms of warranty, I have rights to request the seller to exchange a new machine without paying one cent. Now I attach the machine and receipt with my letter and expect that you can handle my issue properly.
Thank you in advance. It will be greatly appreciated if you can process my request at your earliest convenience.
Yours sincerely,

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