离考试两个月，作文求指点。。。

qome2704 · 发表于 2011-8-25 02:04:07

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There is a definite link between education and the career success of an individual.The issue of whether students should start to work after gatduating from primary schools or secondary schools is of great concern for many people.To my way of thinking,lack of education is the root cause of unemployment;therefore ,being able to have access to secondary education or higher levels of education is a key determinant of one's career success.

There are numerous disadvantages to only getting primary education.Primary schools only can provide students with the most fundamental knowledge which is not enough for them to survive in this fast-changing society .Simple and basic skills acquired from primary education only can enable students to undertake some manual jobs.Such jobs are more likely to be associated with low salaries or inferior socail status as well.Moreover,the employers tend to choose those candidates with various abilities and skills.

In fact,it is standard practice for most of the countries in the world to make secondary education compulsory .It is obvious that governments have already realized that both individuals and nations can benefit from education;therefore,governments have a duty to raise the public awareness of the significance of secondary education,and ensure that all their citizens can receive qualified secondary education.On the other hand,secondary education prepares students for tertiary education which is an indispensable part of our society.Without successful tertiary education ,there will be little progress in the field of technology and science.

In conclusion,not only is secondary education benefical to all the students' job seeking ，it also plays a pivotal role in the development of our society.

[]

sbxh4034 · 发表于 2011-8-25 03:30:29

随便说说啊，我自己作文也就6分。

There are numerous disadvantages to only getting primary education.Primary schools only can provide students with the most fundamental knowledge which is not enough for them to survive in this fast-changing society .Simple and basic skills acquired from primary education only can enable students to undertake some manual jobs.Such jobs are more likely to be associated with low salaries or inferior socail status as well. Moreover,the employers tend to choose those candidates with various abilities and skills.

这段是不是太中国化了？中国体力劳动者容易社会地位低下收入少，老外不是蓝领白领工资差不多么？好像也不会歧视体力劳动者【没去过，根据论坛里其它版块的信息自我感觉来的。。。】

survive 这个词用的是不是有点大了？可以说不一定能过舒适的生活，但是survive还不至于吧

HY091676cz · 发表于 2011-8-25 05:53:01

还有，标点符号后面加个空格

xyv8c5wyg · 发表于 2011-8-25 15:04:24

纯探讨，别拍砖。

There is a definite link （connection 是不是好些）between the education （an individual has acquired）and (his/her) career success.

The issue of whether students should start to work after gatduating from primary schools or secondary schools is of great concern for many people. ( 改成主动句是不是更好，many people have the concern that whether students should commence their career after the primary schooling or after more education.)

To my way of thinking (这句不自然，改成 it is commonly believed 较客观),lack of education is the root cause of unemployment （建议改成 inadequate education is one of the major root causes of unemployment.）;therefore ,being able to have access to secondary education or higher levels of education is a key determinant of one's career success.
(therefore, access to XXXXXX would be crucial in leading one's XXXXX.)

There are numerous (感觉serveral更自然) disadvantages to only getting (应该是get, 而且建议换成 merely accomplish) primary education.

后面的内容有时间再交流。

售名人字画书法 · 发表于 2011-8-26 01:35:36

有一定道理。

但是我的理解是，雅思考的是英文写作的行文，不是考你的论据是否合理。即使从内容上看只适用于中国，但只要遣词造句上没有问题，应该无妨。

qome2704 · 发表于 2011-8-26 09:10:15

The issue of whether private secondary schools can offer students better education is of great concern to public.Some people believe that attending private secondary can guarantee their children a promising future;while others claim that private schools have a negative impact on the young generation and society alike.The merits and demerits of private secondary schools will be explored below.

A private secondary school,as an alternative to a public school ,has its advantages and disadvantages.It is widely accepted that private secondary school has been consolidating its status as the high qualified education provider.Firstly,private schools can afford to employ the best teachers who are experts in their fields.This ensure students have access to informative and stimulating courses in every subjects.Secondly,it is standard practice for private secondary schools to own hight technological facilities and equipment; therefore teachers can impart knowledge and skills to students in a more entertaining and amusing way.Finally ,private shools tend to have smaller classroom size and can solve students' problems individually or even provide one-to-one tutorial .

Although students can profit from the merits presented above,private schools may exert detrimental influence upon students' psychological and social well-being.It is universally acknowledged that private secondary schools maintain high tuitions and only high income families are able to afford that.Students in private schools only can practice their social skills with their affluent peers.Lack of communication with the students from low income families will result in discrimination against impoverished people.Furthermore ,private schools enable their students continue to benefit from their social status,it will widen the gap between the rich and the poor in the future,which poses a threat to keeping society safe and stable.

In conclusion,private secondary schools are beneficial to students from high income families.Meanwhile,the existence of private schools can also cause severe social problems.

[]

fu141951 · 发表于 2011-8-26 11:54:30

有点不太同意5楼观点

我的理解
写作除了考察遣词造句
对于含义也有要求

需要意思连贯　论证流畅
像那种堆砌着华丽的词藻
但是论点不堪一击或者完全摸不着头脑的
也得不了高分

当然　我不是说楼主哈

aasnj9048f · 发表于 2011-8-26 22:32:22

LZ, 题目原文是啥？

痞子鱼h · 发表于 2011-8-27 08:24:44

几点意见，仅供参考：

1. 从文章结构看，题目是问do you agree or disagree, 但是第一段没有表达作者观点，最后一段是优劣点并举，有不够扣题的嫌疑，如果题目是叫你discuss，那LZ的内容结构就合适了。

2. 一些句子结构可以再紧凑些，比如 private secondary schools maintain high tuitions and only high income families are able to afford that.
连用两个Hight 也是大忌，可以改成 private secondary schools require heavy tuition that only high-income families can possibly afford.

3. ‘高级词汇’用的有点拗口，毕竟这不是政府报告，不是学术论文。和整体的行文水平也不协调，不过这是个人感觉，可能雅思考官喜欢。比如 impart knowledge and skills - 改成deliver knowledge, exert detrimental influence - 可以考虑 have negative/adverse influence, affluent - 改成 wealthy 等等。

仅供交流讨论，总的来说LZ的水平很高了，给我1个小时在考场里面我是写不出LZ的水准的。

qome2704 · 发表于 2011-8-27 10:55:19

谢谢楼上的热心帮助，我这也不是一小时写出来的，就咬着笔头，或者狂翻书得结果，还有7周，痛苦的啊。。。。。我用的是顾家北的114篇范文，所以学的这种样子，他的词汇都比较难，大家有好的范文书推荐吗？

电脑看pdf的范文，痛苦啊，有好建议不？呵呵，不用买书，怎么看pdf舒服点。。。。。。。

[雅思杂谈] 离考试两个月，作文求指点。。。

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