|
|
马上注册，结交更多同城好友，享用更多功能！
您需要 登录 才可以下载或查看，没有帐号？立即注册
x
作文似乎进步不大，写了一篇在这里请大家帮忙指导。其实考了三次，每次都是6.5，但又不知道分数丢在哪里。
还请高人按照雅思评分标准在Task Response, Coherence and Cohesion, Lexical Resource, Grammatical Range and Accuracy四个方面帮我打个分。
想知道弱点在哪里所以才可以进步。 多谢各位帮忙。
作文是写在标准答题纸上的，用了刚好40分钟。
Task: Some people think that the large amounts of time and money spent on the protection of wild animals should be spent on the human population instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the contemporary world, human activities increasingly pose a great threat to the endangered species. International organizations and local governments have spent sizeable money to protect those wild animals that facing extinction. Opponents, however, claim that the precious budget should be invested in human population instead.
Indeed, the poor need money and help from the rich. Those people lived in poverty face incredibly harsh living standards including scarcity of food, shortage of water, and lack of basic medical attention. What is needed, therefore, is the assistance from charities and developed countries. Without the adequate financial supports, 10 percent of the world population would struggle for living on this planet.
However, money cannot address all the problems the impoverished people have. Specifically, what we as human beings differentiate from wild animals is that people have the power of creativity that contributes to the substantial achievement of human history. The poor, nevertheless, without money, can also make significant change on their living conditions by their innovations and endeavors. On the other hand, wild animals are different since they do not have the exceptional abilities we have. Without the preservation and protection from us, disappearing from our scenery plant they used to survive and thrive is the only destination they can imagine. In this respect, the demand of help to wild animals is more important than that to human population.
Furthermore, what supports the sustainable development of current society is the balance of the ecological system. The endangered species as well as other wild animals are undoubtedly indispensible parts of the system that has run for thousands of years with the harmony of human and animals. Unfortunately, the industrialized world has brought irreversible damage to our friends, the animals, in the past decades, and what we can forecast is the ramp down of the eco-system if the tendency continues. Consequently, there will not be sufficient natural resources, served by the eco-system, for us to consume before we are consumed by death.
In conclusion, although the poor need money to help, the wild animals are already standing on the top of the cliff. The investment to be spent on the preservation of endangered species should have a larger proportion then that for the human population. Specifically, we, human beings, need to have a collective consciousness to preserve those endangered species for the sake of them and for the sake of us.
[]
|
|
发表于 2011-11-3 11:23:54
支持
反对
