多次作文不过6，再考的机会不多了，放上最新的作文求拍砖

楚缘比 · 发表于 2011-9-17 07:05:02

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由于工作的关系，再考雅思的机会不多了

多次作文不过6，请各位拍砖，非常感谢

而且目前我是先写大作文，但是大作文的时间会超过40分钟，小作文的时间有点不够

请问大家在考场上是如何分配时间的

作文题：Some people think that intelligent children should be taught separately and given special treatment. Others think that students of different abilities should be taught together. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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One feature of modern educational system is to respect students’ personalities and cultivate them by encouraging them to develop their own advantages. As a consequence, it seems that different children need various educations. However, I believe we shall not teach students with high intelligent separately from the others. There are quite a few advantages to have all children of all kind of talents study together.

A good reason for teaching all children in one group would be that a human can never live along in modern society. Human being has developed a system of communication and diverse productions to fulfill the personal needs. One who be separated from other people and be taught in a small group of students is more likely lack of skills to deal with their circumstance.

In addition, children need to contact with different kinds of people thus to from a right attitude of life and the world. They shall aware of that they are unique from others while everyone has their own gifts. Such a surrounding that they are taught in, will make them learn to show respect to other people and learn the spirits of teamwork and cooperation. What is more, children would have more fun to play in a team with different type of young people rather that a team full of same sorts of pupils.

However, it is true that a class with students of same gifts will be much efficient to teach, and they will obviously get the most suitable conditions which may help these students succeed. But in my view, this kind of successes are results of losing happiness with different classmates and likely to be bad for children’s personalities.

In conclusion, to collect all the same ability students in a class has its own advantage, but the losing is unbearable for a child, because they might have less communication skills and there is no fun to have their childhood passed with same kind of children.

[]

GUmyoap0 · 发表于 2011-9-17 11:05:35

差得一塌糊涂，第一段就不够6的水平。BUT都不会用。

楚缘比 · 发表于 2011-9-17 11:41:34

多谢ls，是写得不对，把BUT删除了

numnq021 · 发表于 2011-9-17 19:29:06

额
读起来有点费力承接关系部明确
第一句就让我不知道写出来有啥用

我再啃一啃哈

楚缘比 · 发表于 2011-9-18 03:32:25

我就觉得我自己写作文
观点很空洞
就算提出了观点，也深入不下去论证

但是我在40分钟里面也确认是想不出来，能简单明了清晰的去表述好观点
纠结

不知道有没有什么好办法
我从今晚开始打算好好看剑桥的雅思范文，看看他们是怎么组织的

[]

oplisi0136 · 发表于 2011-9-18 07:05:57

chinglish

丑鱼也是鱼 · 发表于 2011-9-18 11:09:15

One feature of modern educational system is to respect students’ personalities and cultivate them by encouraging them to develop their own advantages（第几句猜不到用意是什么，要引出什么）. As a consequence（很少用这个承接方式，想表达afterwards？）, it is seem（it seems） that different children need various educations（不可数？）. However, I believe we shall not teach students with high intelligent （ones）separately from the others. There are quite a few advantages to have all children of all kind of talents study together. （完全糊涂了……你不认同天才少年和普通孩子分开教育，然后又说统一的教育方式只有一点优势？）

A good reason for teaching all children in one group would be that a human （一提human就是人类了，太宏伟了点说人类不能再社会上独自存在，下一步就是说动物，显然不是你想表达的……我觉得你这里想指的是individual） can never live along in modern society. Human being has developed a system of communication and diverse productions to fulfill the personal needs. One who be separated from other people and be taught in a small group of students is more likely lack of skills to deal with their circumstance.觉得这段的例证很难站的住脚。我如果存心反驳的话，你都说了人类需要多种多样的个人需求还有沟通，那为什么分类教育就不能满足这些要求？
。

jjsdr9672m · 发表于 2011-9-18 11:59:27

In addition, children need to contact with different kinds of people thus to from（form？） a right attitude of life and the world（哈哈，果真是人生观和世界观的完全直译~）. They shall （be）aware of that they are unique from others while everyone has their own gifts. Such a surrounding that they are taught in, will make them learn to show respect to other people and learn the spirits of teamwork and cooperation. What is more, children would have more fun to play in a team with different type of young people rather that a team full of same sorts of pupils.

However, it is true that a class with students of same gifts will be much efficient to teach, and they will obviously get the most suitable conditions which may help these students succeed. But in my view, this kind of successes are （冠词捏？） results of losing happiness with different classmates and likely to be bad for children’s personalities.

In conclusion, to collect all the same ability students in a class has its own advantage, but the losing is unbearable for a child, because they might have less communication skills and there is no fun to have their childhood passed with same kind of children.（看来看去还是没有有力的论证啊，观点不明晰，又没有例子啦，数据啦，参考材料啦，说服力好弱）

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dogalw0z4c5 · 发表于 2011-9-18 15:24:36

给楼主鼓励~~

确实需要多看雅思官方的范文精髓都在里面
有一些文章的词汇  都还不一定有你这个里面的复杂
但是因为有合理的结构准确的连接词承接关系顺畅
而且观点明确声声有力

千万别觉得雅思写作就是考词汇堆在一起

更重要的是表达出来的观点是不是合理  前因后果有没有错乱

好吧
我作文最高才6.5  却自说自话了半天
求谅解

楚缘比 · 发表于 2011-9-18 22:31:44

多谢polo
我自己也觉得我有你说的这些问题
苦于不知道怎么改正

我看论坛上有人说，去看看雅思的范文，好好分析

[雅思杂谈] 多次作文不过6，再考的机会不多了，放上最新的作文求拍砖

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