主体段来了，自己改了3回

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-27 13:28:33

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请大家指点，很晕。

Students should not be encouraged to participate in sports at school because sports will cause competition rather that co-operation. To what extent you agree or disagree?

1.) These days, some people give more value on competition than cooperation and they insist that students should not attend sports which arise more competition than cooperation. However, I believe sports play a pivotal role in children’s education and consequently should be encouraged.

2.) It is common for schools to encourage students to take part in all kinds of sports as it is helpful to increase strength and build up strong minds. However, a negative voice is heard saying that sports can cause more competition than cooperation and consequently students should not do sports. As far as I am concerned, this opinion can not hold water.

3.) Whether children should be encouraged to attend sports at school is a hot topic nowadays. I am in favor of the view that sports are beneficial for children to cultivate both the sense of competition and cooperation which play a pivotal role in later lives.

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huang3059 · 发表于 2011-12-27 20:34:38

2)好。有点层层推进的感觉。introduction就是要由general的context（给读者一个大背景，吸引注意力等等）到specific的topic（针对一个点写文章）。不过can not的写法是错的，应该是cannot

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gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-27 21:38:13

哦，慢慢回味。
2是前一段时间的8 哥写的，剩下的都是我写的。

gfr5n652uu · 发表于 2011-12-28 03:21:37

对了，这个练习方法很好。逐个击破，跟我语言班上的学习进程很像。当然我们是从topic sentence开始练，然后是standalone主体段，然后是introduction，conclusion。

caqqdroayj · 发表于 2011-12-28 04:38:46

八哥是哪位？？

gdhhua6580 · 发表于 2011-12-28 15:20:32

kuthlaav
最近他也不怎么上来了。
http://www.localau.com/space.php?uid=115792

mignyay8k · 发表于 2011-12-28 22:49:08

高人，跪求批改一篇。
Modern lifestyle means that many parents have little time for their children. Many children do not get as much attention from their parents as children did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Nowadays, with the development of economic, the lifestyle of modern society has changed a lot, some people maintain that we put less efforts and attention on children that before. However, personally, I have doubt about this opinion.

Parents are actually paying more attention on their children for they squeeze more time to company with their teenagers on both education and entertainment. Specifically, nowadays, increasingly numerous parents begin to more money and time into the interests of their kids, such as piano and painting in earlier age of them. And after school, they will also assist their children if difficulties are met. Besides, many fathers and mothers realize that they need to play a key role on helping their youngsters relieve the pressure from school; taking them to appreciate films and companying with them for the whole weekend are good cases in point. All of these activities are taking a higher proportion of the time owned by parents than ever before.

On the other hand, there is no denying that some parents are not motivated enough to spend more time on their children due to some reason. They tend to be lazy after one day work and some of them have to work overtime improving their performance. In addition, there are family members who are more willing to put efforts on their job career to earn more money. However, they are still small groups of people among public. Many families choose to have no kid when they are still in the early stage of the job career in order to avoid possible tensions between juveniles’ care and high pressure from work. Actually, modern families are very wise on how to keep balance between them.

In conclusion, I would like to advocate that it is not because of modern lifestyle that parents begin to neglect their children. Conversely, they find they need to give higher priority to nurture children in order to make them be able to keep pace with modern society. As for the causes of phenomenon of neglecting children can be more sophisticated than we imagine.

i5m8i7ov17u · 发表于 2011-12-29 08:32:09

Nowadays, with the development of [economic->economy], the lifestyle of modern society has changed [a lot->significantly], [应该另起一句了] some people maintain that [we->parents] put [less->fewer] efforts [on] and[pay less] attention [on->to] children [that->than] before. However, personally, I have [doubt->doubted] about [doubt about是怀疑的意思，doubt本身是不相信，不确定的意思，不如直接说disagree] this opinion.

不好意思啊，后面就不细看了。。。第一段的问题就太多了。基本功比较差，推荐你看我曾经的一个帖子，里面提到了如何打好基本功的一些建议，希望对你有用：
http://www.localau.com/viewt ... id=49287#pid3890092

Parents are actually paying more attention on their children for they squeeze more time to company with their teenagers on both education and entertainment. Specifically, nowadays, increasingly numerous parents begin to more money and time into the interests of their kids, such as piano and painting in earlier age of them. And after school, they will also assist their children if difficulties are met. Besides, many fathers and mothers realize that they need to play a key role on helping their youngsters relieve the pressure from school; taking them to appreciate films and companying with them for the whole weekend are good cases in point. All of these activities are taking a higher proportion of the time owned by parents than ever before.

On the other hand, there is no denying that some parents are not motivated enough to spend more time on their children due to some reason. They tend to be lazy after one day work and some of them have to work overtime improving their performance. In addition, there are family members who are more willing to put efforts on their job career to earn more money. However, they are still small groups of people among public. Many families choose to have no kid when they are still in the early stage of the job career in order to avoid possible tensions between juveniles’ care and high pressure from work. Actually, modern families are very wise on how to keep balance between them.

In conclusion, I would like to advocate that it is not because of modern lifestyle that parents begin to neglect their children. Conversely, they find they need to give higher priority to nurture children in order to make them be able to keep pace with modern society. As for the causes of phenomenon of neglecting children can be more sophisticated than we imagine.

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骂了隔壁滴 · 发表于 2011-12-29 20:08:43

个人理解，雅思作文的开头第一段应该包括以下内容，并且起到以下作用。
第一、点题，也就是rephrase题目。这个是雅思考官特别重视的一项内容，通过这个能力可以看出考生对于语言的驾驭能力，所以非常重要。点题可以有很多种方式，最简单的就是复述一遍；其次可以主动变被动，被动变主动，或者主语宾语对调等；还有，可以选择强调自己需要强调的部分，比如it is the xxx that，或者如果实在没有什么好写的，需要写it is common that之类的，就直接写成it is not uncommon that。不但强调了内容，反而比之前的显得不那么redundant。方法很多，自己只想到这些，不过大家用好了也就足够了。
第二、引出问题，点题是点题目的背景，当然对于文章的提问也要rephrase，这个是整篇文章的焦点，是方向性的东西。通过rephrase引出题目，读者一下子就可以看出作者对于题目的理解以及准备的答题方向，所以虽然这部分rephrase也非常重要，但是我觉得更加需要强调的是审题，将审题后自己所理解的问题重新rephrase一遍，就决定了之后整篇文章的走向和结构。
第三、可以表明立场或者引出下文。表明立场这一点没啥好说的，要么在开头一段，要么在结尾一段，始终是要写的。看各位同学们自己的把握了。至于引出下文么，这个也很好理解。这个考验的并不全是英语能力，而且语言能力了。作文不好的，或者思路不清晰的，自己先下功夫吧。我当时卡在这里很长时间，到考试结束也没有很好的处理，所以比较遗憾。

上面三点是自己提倡的，简单明了。而且紧扣评分标准，所以希望大家可以借鉴。

与之相反的，很多模板里面的东西就不值得提倡了，例如some people insist xxxx, while others xxxxxx。这些东西千篇一律，而且与评分标准没有任何关系，写出来只能加重考官的负面情绪，所以建议大家慎用。千万千万大家需要跟模板文章划清界限，如果大家的期望是超过7分。

2351233 · 发表于 2011-12-30 00:17:47

这周请假一周，弄资料，时间稍微充裕一点，会经常上来看看大家的。
你要加油哦，7号就考试了，有啥多开口，能解决的一定效劳。

[雅思杂谈] 主体段来了，自己改了3回

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