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[雅思杂谈] 作文 求批 (第二篇)!

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发表于 2010-5-12 11:47:02 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式 来自: INNA

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Topic:

In some societies, more and more people choose to live on their own. What is the reason for this, and is it a positive or negative trend?



46 分钟, 331 words。



In contemporary society, there is an increasing number of people that prefer to live alone due to a variety of reasons.



In the first place, household pressure plays a pivotal role in this phenomenon. With the development of economy and society, the demands of people for both materials and spirits are becoming higher and more various than before. For example, in Beijing and Shanghai, the car is not a luxury thing any more, instead it becomes a necessary stuff for modern life. So if someone got married, he or she should try to earn more money to get a car for the family. Also, individuals would have a duty to help their partners to deal with different spiritual problems, such as peer pressure in the workplace, anxiety for the future, worry about interpersonal issues. As a result, they will feel tired of living with another people.



Furthermore, the world view of people has changed significantly at the moment. The requirement for freedom is an important element of the changes, which causes people become fearful of marriage, since they  advocate that they will lose the freedom after the marriage. In addition, living alone is in the best interest of people who hold the opinion that the most important thing in this world is theirselves.



From my point of view, it is doubtless a negative trend for the development of society, as well as the evolution of human itself. Provided that a man does not want to live with another people, he will not have the sense of obligation and motivation to study and work harder. More importantly, this trend will diminish the scale of human gene pool and will also lay a heavy burden on the government after these people become old.



In conclusion, the government should encourage the people to live with other people to curb this negative trend, and take active and practical measures to help individuals cope with the potential problems including economic and mental issues caused by family.



第二篇:

Some people think that using animals for experimentation purpose is cruel, but other people think that it is necessary for the development of science.Discuss both views and give your opinion.



In the long history of development of sciences, it seemed that using animals freely in some experiments was natural and well-accepted by ordinary people. But with the raising of animal protection awareness, this type of experiments has become a controversial issue at present.



Firstly, we have to admit that animal experiment is brutal. Especially in areas of medical research, to develop a new medicine and ensure that it is definitely safe to patients afterwards, researchers have to use lots of animals in process of investigation. More often than not, those animals are afflicted with plenty of pains, which may lead to death after a long period of hard time. Also, the animal vivisection is merciless without any anaesthetic, even though it is an indispensable part of the medical study now. Despite that, animal experiment is necessary for the sciences from the point view of human itself.



The progress in modern technologies such as medical science, space exploration and biology is the result of a host of experiments in 70% of which animals are used.  But in order to relieve the pain of those animals, we should take a series of active and pratical actions. For example, we should make animals in anaesthetic status during the experiment. Besides that, we ought to make sure that the investigation of the experiment is adequate enough and the rate of success is relatively higher.  In the mean time, we can try to find the replacements for those animals, by that, we can diminish the number of animals used in the research substantially.



To sum up, if animals are essential for experiments, we should use them in a more humane way, which also can reflect that not only is our society advanced in technology, but also it is highly civilized.



[]



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17#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-16 05:48:27 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


各位, 辛苦下, 看看我的第二篇作文吧, 挑挑毛病


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16#
发表于 2010-5-15 18:55:38 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


难道是传说中的流程图吗?


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15#
发表于 2010-5-15 14:56:28 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


口服,心服加佩服。如果我能写出这样的作文,美死我了。


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14#
发表于 2010-5-15 04:09:47 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




这是迫于无奈,小作文花了太长时间
坐在我侧面的台湾女10分钟就写完了,严重刺激了我
大作文只好瞎写一气...还好没有压力,不然要哭死


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13#
发表于 2010-5-14 20:58:56 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


TX的作文很强大啊。
能够35分钟写完300字,平时训练肯定很多。


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12#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-14 10:43:32 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




评到很到位, the, 我确实有的不好, 写作和口语的时候, 总喜欢用the。
得继续努力了,呵呵


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11#
发表于 2010-5-14 02:49:33 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


1是the的用法,只有在特指某个东西的时候才用the,,楼主有时用的不准确,比如
"the car is not a luxury thing any more" "the government should encourage the people ..." "lose the freedom "

如果改成 to have a car is... our government should ....lose freedom

2是单复数的问题,people是不可以用another来形容的,因为没有说一个people的:)

3一些小语法错误
-----"there is an increasing number of people that prefer to live alone due to a variety of reasons", it's better to say "...there is an increasing number of people who prefer to live alone rather than having a family "

-----theirselves- themselves

-----such as peer pressure in the workplace, anxiety for the future, worry about interpersonal issues...should have an 'and' between them

4.写到观点的时候主题最好明确,比如这句话是这段很重要的表达观点的句子,但是不知道it指什么
From my point of view, it is doubtless a negative trend for the development of society, as well as the evolution of human itself.

maybe it's better to point out that 'to live alone is a ...trend'

5.可以适当考虑一下什么词用来更准确,高级
-----"the demands of people for both materials and spirits are becoming higher and more various than before"
I think if you say "physical and mental/emotional/psychological needs" are more accurate than "demand for materials and spirits"

----Provided that a man does not want to live with another people, he will not have the sense of obligation and motivation to study and work harder.

this 'provided' is not appropriate to be used here

我得下班走了,来不及点评完了。楼主不会生气吧。有一次一个聊友让我给改作文,结果改了两次后就永远都没有再理过我,所以对于给别人改作文至今心有余悸


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10#
发表于 2010-5-13 23:49:19 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA


楼主...你用了模板,不过你的英语功底应该不错啊...
加油哦!


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9#
 楼主| 发表于 2010-5-13 18:55:50 | 只看该作者 来自: INNA




world view: 世界观 人生观


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