大作文求批【我已经觉得主申这篇登峰造极了。。。】

963656482

主申同学今天就写了这一篇作文，收到ACS结果信后，比较high，憋了两个小时，写出了这篇，经过我帮忙改动【我已经觉得我写不出这么好的了】后，再贴出来请大家帮忙看下。如果能得到tx们认同，我们就放心多了。。。但是有问题也请尽管批~







题目：1  Lectures were used in the past as a good way of teaching a large number of students. As new technology is now available for education, some people suggest that there is no justification for lectures. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

以下正文：



Nowadays, profiting from [modified] the development of new technology, an increasing number of individuals tend to perform their studies through new technological methods rather than lectures. Thus, traditional teaching methods are greatly challenged. Some even insist that lectures should be totally replaced and avoided. From my point of view, lectures are still playing a crucial role in our teaching system.



Admittedly, we have benefited [modified]  a lot from the invaluable new technology. In the first place, people now can get the resources to help their studies more conveniently. The resourceful internet provides all kinds of information; therefore, one can find out any academic related [modified] information using the well-designed search facility. Furthermore, the internet as a study tool can save us a vast of money and time. Taking the online courses for example, it enables a busy person to study just at home without consuming time on the way to school, besides, online courses usually cost much less.



However, lecture has its own features which cannot be substituted. First of all, man is by nature a social animal. Only studying together with others by talking, discussing and arguing can one learn effectively. It is the lecture affords us the best suited condition. In addition, studying in a lecture is less distracted than sitting in front of the computer. More specifically, children who are lack of self-control and self-discipline will probably play games or chat with others. Last but not least, we are in an information overload time, one would spend much more time to identify what he/she really needs whereas teachers in the lecture will precisely point out the most essential and useful information.



Although we can get a great amount of information through the new technology and even study at home by ourselves, it is much more realistic for us to learn in the lectures. Overall, I believe lectures with new technology synthesized will significantly enhance our teaching performance.



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dvhurni42

我的观点依旧是
华丽的辞藻和绚烂的结构
都不如充分的论证来得重要

所以说观点和逻辑关系很重要

fpech037

作文写得蛮好的了，如果是在规定时间内完成的练习，我觉得到真正考试时应该是没问题的。

963656482

。。。我懒得跑去别的论坛注册。。。这里有热心的同学帮忙修改也很好。
等我考过了也来帮大家改作文，哈哈，祈祷我能早点qualified来帮别人改作文。

963656482

哎。。。举例子就很容易沦于‘不严肃’，除非去背一些严肃的例子。否则一旦举例子举到自己头上，就显得不够严谨。所以我才选择说空理，而不举例。

东风不染尘

楼主，写作文叫大家批改的话，可以发到作文批改网。WWW.javadao.com ，写完作文后贴到论坛里叫大家批改就可以了。可以去看效果。

巩建刚

ACS RL已经收到，LZ要在IELTS上加把劲了
说说我的观点，作文尽量多举例子，写的具体一些，容易写满字数，也容易有说服力
比空洞说理语言上的难度低多了，不明白LZ偏偏追求空洞。。。

旁边小区

看看这个，不同的行业要求不一样的。要是搞法律，医学的7分都嫌低了，7.5以上才是acceptable呢。

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x

963656482

同意。
哈哈，我们主申tx应该写了很多代码了，所以有时候写作看到一些计算机里常用到的单词，就很激动

医心菩提

IELTS writing我觉得也就是考察一下我们基本的英语语言的书面应用能力，他不是考察你是不是有莎士比亚一般的文采，也不是考察你是否有尼采一样犀利的思想。作文的assessment的依据也就跟我们小学、中学时老师批作文常用的几条评语差不多。
比如：作文紧扣主题，论据充分；结构清晰，段落分明；语句流畅，用词恰当。

细扣一下雅思官方的描述也就是这么几条了：

Task 1 responses are assessed on:
• Task Achievement
• Coherence and Cohesion
• Lexical Resource
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Task 2 responses are assessed on:
• Task Response
• Coherence and Cohesion
• Lexical Resource
• Grammatical Range and Accuracy

想想小作文150以上的字数，大作文250以上的字数要求，能写出的文章也就是泛泛而谈。
我以为也就是考察一下对题材的把握和基本的写作技能了。

虽然说他要求不是很高，但是咱平时也没练习模仿过多少的英文句子，也没培训过essays该咋写，letters该咋写，
英文作文水平自然也就很初级了。要是写中文的，混个优秀需要努力，混个及格很容易的了。
这就跟写程序一样，你要是写个几万行的代码，怎么地也有能有类似雅思6分的编程水平了吧。

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