g类大作文求批

心中杂念

考鸭准备中，作文对我来说是一难点，昨天先写了一篇，希望高手指点，谢谢

Traditional games are more useful than modern games in developing children’s skills. To what extent do you agree?



Today, modern games are more popular among the children, even though, some people still believes the traditional games are more helpful in developing children’s skills, I, in my essay, will argue both views and give my reasons in below.





Those games such as “rubber-band skipping” and “hide and seek” enables the youngsters stronger neither in physically nor in psychologically. For example, “seek and hide”, the player should be capable to searching and be good at observing and focusing whatever which role they play. As a consequence, the player gradually acquire the skills including these basis abilities that we survive for the future life. On the other hand the children, in psychologically, cultivates the ability for how to adjust /balance the body when feels nerves in the different surroundings or conditions. It is also very important for their adult life especially under the current social environments.



Despite the advantages of traditional games, also it is not unuseful to acquire the essential skills by playing modern games. Take the instance of popular internet games, not only attractive is it but also foster the children’s communication and hands-on practice skills, in terms of using on-line camera and necessarily software to speaking to a worldwide family members or friends as a purpose and dismount and assemble the computer’s hardware to just makes it running. Therefore, modern games is beneficial to the young people as well.



In conclusion, good games for children, we should encourage them to play.

心中杂念

昨天又写了一篇，请高手指正，上一篇正在修改中
Some people think all the new buildings should be built in traditional styles. To what extent do you agree?

To build in modern style or traditional style is always a hot-debated topic among people. So what type of exterior should be built in? Let us examine in this essay.

On the one hand, the modern style architects often bring city dwellers benefits in terms of convenience and sense of satisfaction. For example those who choose to live in the modern style building is usually feel easy-accessed from surrounding infrastructure, such as a large commercial center and residents club. Furthermore, modern industrial buildings play a pivotal role in manufacture field, which not only boosts the productivity but also the efficiency. For example, the scientific layout of modern factories can reach various requirements including an assembly line or a multi-function warehouse while traditional factories do not have due to its limited design condition.

On the other hand, considering from the perspective of nation’s culture and identity that some architects must be built in traditional style. Taking the example of church, a place to hold wedding ceremony in the western country. We can not just build in Chinese style. By contrary, a temple that built in western style is unacceptable even in the Asia countries. Therefore, based on the different cultures and certain identifies, traditional architects should be preserved.

In conclusion, each architect style has own particular role. We can not simply and mechanically to justify which style should be built, should depend on exact purpose that they serve.

月下小绿彡

第一段 加句号。

enables 谓语单复数
neither in physically nor in psychologically. 应该是肯定 却写成了否定

“seek and hide” 插入语也需要介词 in terms of ，否则多了主语

be capable to search

whatever which role they play. 改成 whatever role they play

On the other hand the children 加入逗号，否则这句话缺少主语

necessarily software  necessary software  



下面这段看不懂
in terms of using on-line camera and necessarily software to speaking to a worldwide family members or friends as a purpose and dismount and assemble the computer’s hardware to just makes it running.


主要问题
1 主谓不清
2 句子太长，加句号。
3 缺乏逻辑连接词
4 观点分析不明确

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