写作看不到进步，发两篇作文，麻烦3wu老师等帮忙看看指导一下

yxop5825

Topic: It is generally believed that some people are born withcertain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However,it is s child can sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become agood sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.



The issue of whether certain talents such as sport or music are inborn or nurtured has sparked off an intense debate. Although some people argued that everyonecan become excellent in sports or music if properly trained, regardless oftheir nature conditions. I personally believe only those with nature gifts have the possibility to be successful in the specific fields of sports or music.



To begin with, it is manifest that everyone is born different physically and psychologically due to the programming of DNA, which leads to the fact that some people are genetically superior in certain areas while others are not.That those taller parents are more likely to have taller children is a good case in point. Similarly, children whose parents are musicians tend to perform better in singing or instruments playing than others. Hence, nature talent does exist.



Furthermore,specific fields like sports or music necessitate varied body conditions,thereby to some extent enabling gifted individuals more easily to attain success. Specifically, evidence abounds in the respect that tall basketball players with quick response ability and flexible moving skills are more likely to perform well in a team than their short counterparts. Besides, according to a survey conducted by Chinese Sports Association, more than 95% basketball professionals are over 1.80 metres tall. Therefore, it is evident that talents play a pivotal role in achieving success in certain arena of music and sports.



Admittedly, individuals would not succeed merely by talents. Gifted individuals, if not scientifically trained, turned out to be mean. Only through hardworking does talented peoples’ potential be exploited and developed, thereby contributing to their future success.



To conclude, I concede that training plays a positive role in becoming a good sports person or musician. Nevertheless, I am convinced that talents should not be neglected due to the existence of genes and specific requirements of varied fields such as sports and music.









Topic: Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.



The issue of whether there should be fixed punishments or flexible ones has sparked off an intense debate in the realm of legal system. From my perspective, it would be a fair and practicable means of crime punishment, if apply flexibility within certain fixed range of punishment for each type of crime.



Obviously, advocates of fixed penalty raise this opinion based on the fundamental principle of justice. The absence of unifying and equal punishments for crime,more often than not, is likely to cause an increasing number of corruptions and even a devastating disaster of the legal system. Given the free decision power of crime penalty, judges and jury are exposed to various temptations which aim to lure them to make biased conclusions. And this, in turn, would destroy the public belief in legal society.



On the other hand, opponents argue that it would be unfair to apply fixed penalty as every individual crime has different motivation and exerts varied-degree influence even though they are classified into the same crime group. Take an extreme case for example. If a hungry mother who has stolen a piece of bread for her dying child for the first time were punished as severely as a repeated theft, it would be unconvincing for the public to understand.



To conclude, from my perspective, I believe a perfect way to solve this dilemma is to combine these two approaches. In other words, it means to build a legal system which limits the punishments level in a fixed range for each type of crime while within the range, flexible punishment degree is permitted depending on the factors such as motivation of crime.





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yxop5825

谢谢~~~~

roototync

是的。BTN 是给年轻人看的，不像每日新闻，不断更新确只是叙事。 BTN 涵盖面广，而且趣味性强，通常叙述的是每周突出新闻， 而且有引起思考的评论，加上口语化和 subtitle.  如果是作为学语言的一个材料， 合理利用，光一期BTN 就足够1周消化了。

yxop5825

http://www.abc.net.au/btn/
是这个吗？

起诉淘宝

话题就是要多准备，多看题目，多思考，多看新闻报纸，多看反面教材等等。反正就是为了考好雅思，首先要练习 “贫嘴”的能力。 凡事都有两面性，关键是你能不能看到，想到。


句子完整就是句子内容的完整性，严谨性。跟你观点，论据都没有关系。 就跟说中文似的，有些人说话很口语化，主谓宾随时都可能省略。可是缺了宾语或者主语的句子都是不完整的。你的问题还不是主谓宾的问题，而是修饰语，限定语的问题。比如 knowledge..这个概念就本来很笼统，知识多得去了。。但中文里经常就喜欢说 “拓宽知识面”。但具体是哪一面，很多中国人由于习惯性思维，用英语的时候并不会强调。带老外听起来就摸不着头脑。。所以还是习惯性的中式英语影响了你的行文造句。建议多看外文文章/新闻/ 推荐一个 online节目 "Behind  the  News"

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yxop5825

谢谢~~

我有按照你说的”主题句-解释-举例-段内归纳“的结构练习，觉得这种写法确实会清晰很多。

不过一定要本来就对考试的话题比较有想法才行，那么这种方法就可以帮助整理思路。但是很多时候我会觉得想法很贫瘠，更不要说举例子了。上次有一篇说”人类应该保护动物，还是应该先关注自身“的话题，我就写不下去，就觉得当然要保护啊，还用说嘛。3WU老师，有什么确保自己看到考题能说得出内容的方法吗？是应该多看点书什么的吗？

结论写的短，一个是时间不够，另一个是没办法用简要的语言把前面的意思概括出来。这也是我为什么句子会写长的原因，写短我就说不清楚了。。。

还有，关于句子完整性的，是不是在指提出支持自己观点的论据时，要尽可能具体？

liuyunpiao

这篇写得挺顺畅的。只有几个小提议：

第二段第一句，让我看完以后以为你要围绕 “governments ought to ban dangerous sports” 展开一轮，谁知道第二句就 however, 结果整个段落中心句都转了。虽然主题句放在第一二句都没有问题，可是这么绕感觉不很好。我建议在段落前面再加一句短语，概括中心。表达一下所有运动都有两面性。或者简单来一句：  Every sport has its own rule to be followed. 起点睛的作用。后面再展开你已经有的解释。

最后总结段太短。 除非写作很仓促，否则还是建议归纳前文中心点。注意是点睛的点。


另外就是句子完整性：

with adequate knowledge  （of what??）  老外语言老师通常很讨厌 中国人 整天大谈 knowledge  但又不说是什么knowledge..
enjoying some beautiful nature (of what??) 这句话就是没说完。口语要是也这样，准扣分。
opportunity to experience more （fun?）
Rather, they have to leave the personal choices to individuals themselves to decide since they have the freedom to do so.  (两个 They  但他们指代不一，引起歧义)
Admittedly, governments could give some suggestions and instructions in terms of (optional)sports safety ( guidances); however, these should not be (mandatory regulations).

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yxop5825

今天我写了一篇，贴上来麻烦大家再帮我看看~~非常感谢！刚才我自己又看了一遍，觉得会比自己之前写的好一些，不过又臭又长的句子还是有好多句，写作大概注定是我进步最慢的部分了~~


Topic: Some people think government should ban dangerous sports, others, however, believe that people should have the freedom to do whatever sports they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, an increasing number of people begin to take part in dangerous sports and some of them even have lost their lives in these sports. Whether governments should forbid people playing such sports has sparked off an intense debate. Personally, I am against banning them.

Some people argue that governments ought to ban dangerous sports because they might harm people’s health and even threaten their lives. However, any sports risks can be controlled within an acceptable range if people are well-acquainted with related skills and sports rules. For instance, with adequate knowledge and training, scuba divers can surely enjoy a safe dive under the sea. Conversely, when people do not follow the instructions, yoga, though considered quite safe, could easily cause harms to muscles and bones. Hence, what people should do is to control the risks of sports, rather than to simply abandon them.

In addition, prohibition of so called “dangerous sports” would prevent people from enjoying some beautiful nature. By this I mean, people will certainly not die from some dangerous sports because they never play them. However, they also lose the opportunity to experience more and broaden their horizons, which is doubtless an important part of life. For example, people who are not allowed to scuba dive cannot enjoy how splendid and tranquil the submarine world is. Likewise, people cannot feel the grandeur of mountain if they do not climb it at all. Therefore, the merits of such sports should not be neglected.

Last but not least, the assumption that governments have the right to decide which sports for people to participate in has some problems. Modern governments do not have unlimited rights or responsibilities. Rather, they have to leave the personal choices to individuals themselves to decide since they have the freedom to do so. Admittedly, governments could give some suggestions and instructions in terms of sports safety; however, these should not be compulsory.

To conclude, people should be allowed to play whatever sports they like regardless of the sports type.

yxop5825

恩，之前我一直觉得主题句应该把这段的意思基本都总结到。现在看来主题句就提出观点，后面展开论证就好。
下次照你的段落结构试试写一篇。

3WU，你的写作是怎么练出来了啊？

r622cp10q

段首主题句，不一定是简单句。但必须在靠前的位置上 用一个有代表性的名词 点出正段要围绕的内容。属于画龙点睛。 句子最好不要太冗长，短小精悍为佳---这里突出的正是你7分的水平。语言运用得好的，很短一句话内就能看出水平。句式可多变， 你要是运用熟练，甚至可以使用倒装--但无论用什么结构，这一句一定要是正确。 要是这一句语法，单词拼写等出现问题， 直接就给文章留下不良印象，哪怕后面层层递进得有多好。另外 手段句勾画的是主题（观点的阐述可以在后面1-2 句内层层递进地拓展开来）。

我认为让人看得舒服的，层层递进结构的，段落应该包含：
1 主题（段内中心）句。 2。1-2 句围绕中心句的阐述句 3。例子。 4 例子解释。5 归纳。