本人剩最后一次机会考雅思了，求各位高手帮忙改一下作文(过了,谢谢大家)

98gyhuvzg9

今天看到heb30的帖子说9月3日的雅思成绩出来了，我非常紧张地登陆网站查询，结果很出乎意料：听力6.5/阅读6.5/写作6.5/口语6，我简直不敢相信自己的眼睛。这个成绩对于坛子里的牛人们来说根本不值一提，可是对我这个基础差得要死，写作从没考过6分的人来说，真是天大的惊喜，终于过了，这也意味着自己不用去参加9月24日的那一场可以说是决定命运的考试，如果那一天还要坐到考场里，我估计自己也会吓得考不出什么了吧！

这里非常隆重地感谢localau的TZ们，自8月23日第一次发求助帖，好多热心的网友加入进来，大家提出各种意见建议，而且是非常详细中肯的，我和LP几乎每天都要打开帖子研究大家的回复意见。一些网友像3WU、Vzrain、Kuthlaav、YUEXMA等等还逐字、逐段地分析说明，用LP的话说“比我的VIP写作老师还上心”。还有一位叫jho的网友主动发来短信让我们加QQ，并和我们分享他的作文考试经验，真的让人非常感动。不管怎么说，这次能过，我觉得有幸运的成份，也有我自己的一点努力，不过让我感触最深的还是来自家人的支持以及陌生人的热诚。再次衷心地谢谢大家！



some teachers say students should be organised into groups to study. others argue students should be made to study alone. tell the benefits of each study method.which one do you think is more effective?



children's education is a hot topic always concerned by our society.People try to find out an effective way for students to study.Amongst the teachers ,views vary from people to peple,some of whom claim that students should study with groups;whist others believe that studying alone is more effective. In my observation, studying in a group is more effective.



Merits of studying with groups are numerous; i now intend to present some. to begin with ,students study in a group have more chance to communicate with others,which makes their academic studies more effective.For instance,if school children have problems about their courses; they can discuss the question with their classmates. in this process,it is very easy for them to remember the knowledge. what is more, studying groups save their time to look for the reference books. If they have questions,they just enquiry with their schoolmates. Finally, groups study makes the studying atmosphere more lively,because they have discussion.Then, schoolchildren will not feel that studying is very boring.



It is undeniable that studying alone has its benefits.this is mainly due to the fact that students can concertrated on their tasks.They cannot be disturbed by others for there is no discussion around them and students cannot be distracted by their classmates behaviors. Additionally, students can perform on their own ways, if they study alone.For example,they can read loudly if they want to ease their minds. BUT they can not do this when studying with groups as they need to considerate others feeling.



in conclusion, even study alone has its advantages, i still believe that  group study is an effective way for children to learn.



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tjcmm

LZ 加油

98gyhuvzg9

recent years, the number of crimes committed by young people in major city,throughout the world is increasing. discuss this issue, give the reasons and suggests some solution.

nowadays, in some major cities,a number of young people commit to crimes.

The reasons for this phenomenon sre complicated.The chief reason is high unemployment rate. In present -day society,a large number of positions are replaced by high technology.Many jobs were finished by many people in the past; but today most jobs could be done by few people operating in front of computers. As a result,a great number of people lose their jobs ,especially,young adults who tend to have less experience. In order to live, they do something against the law. Moreover,young generation tend to be more inpulsive ,compared with past generations. when they suffer the difficulties, they are likely to take extremely ways to solve the problems. The flighting  between children is a good case to  the point. Finally , some young people have mental illness.When they suffer a series of unlucky matters, they will blame that society is not fair to them.Hence,they will take some revenges on society.
So serious is the problem that we have no alterlatives but take some measures to tackle the issue. Primarily,young adults should be encouraged to take part in job training and governments should create more jobs for young people. Secondly, education about how to control temper should be avaluable to everyone.In that way, they learn how to control their anger, which is very effectively to reduce the violence. Last but not least, free psychology consel service should access to individuals.

From above analysis, a truth can be found that  young men commit crimes is attribute tovarious resons. Fortunately, we have some measures to address it.

午夜就放纵

我认为你只要临场发挥上控制好速度把该写的写完，不偏题不出重大的逻辑纰漏，至少7分是比较稳的。因为词汇、语法和流畅度上完全没有什么问题。不过建议在自己的帖子中展开进一步讨论，不要hijack楼主的帖子。

豆腐干风格

谢谢楼下的建议，我改……

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非主流

不出意外的话，kuthlaav同学的写作应该是至少能拿7分的。

侦探片

楼上牛的  连楼主中文语法错误都给改了

gggk40949

本人剩最后一次考雅思了，求各位高手帮忙改一下作文
（这句中文有语病，建议修改为：本人剩最后一次雅思考试的机会了，……）

some teachers say students should be organised into groups to study. others argue students should be made to study alone. tell the benefits of each study method.which one do you think is more effective?

children's education is a hot topic always concerned by our society.People try to find out an effective way for students to study.Amongst the teachers ,views vary from people to peple,some of whom claim that students should study with groups;whist others believe that studying alone is more effective. In my observation, studying in a group is more effective.
children's没有必要，题目没有说任何children。可以是children，可以是teenager，也可以是adult，所有人都包括。
for students to study\\from people to people\\有点redundant。
teachers前面不用加the，个人意见。
some of whom没有这个用法吧。
in group不是with groups。
whist是什么？
建议写成如下：
Education is one of hottest topics and draws wide attention. To find an effective study approach, views amongst teachers vary. Some claim that student should study in groups. Whereas others believe that studying alone is more effective. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the former opinion.

Merits of studying with groups are numerous; i now intend to present some. to begin with ,students study in a group have more chance to communicate with others,which makes their academic studies more effective.For instance,if school children have problems about their courses; they can discuss the question with their classmates. in this process,it is very easy for them to remember the knowledge. what is more, studying groups save their time to look for the reference books. If they have questions,they just enquiry with their schoolmates. Finally, groups study makes the studying atmosphere more lively,because they have discussion.Then, schoolchildren will not feel that studying is very boring.
in a group建议改成in groups，
more chance建议改成more chances
school children中文我知道，学校的孩子们，英文建议可以换一种方式，例如children in school。
problems ----question近义词转换做到了，但是单复数问题考虑不周到。
studying gourp改成studying in group，look for改成look up或者直接改成consult。
groups study改成group study，discussion改成interaction，


It is undeniable that studying alone has its benefits.this is mainly due to the fact that students can concertrated on their tasks.They cannot be disturbed by others for there is no discussion around them and students cannot be distracted by their classmates behaviors. Additionally, students can perform on their own ways, if they study alone.For example,they can read loudly if they want to ease their minds. BUT they can not do this when studying with groups as they need to considerate others feeling.
benefits改成advantages.
this is mainly due to the fact that改成for
concentrate拼写错误
they will not be disturbed by discussion.
on their own ways改成in their own ways
considerate是adj，这里需要vt。


in conclusion, even study alone has its advantages, i still believe that  group study is an effective way for children to learn.
even改成even though.
for children to learn可以删除

98gyhuvzg9

感谢V2rain 对我的批改。我明白了许多语法问题。希望你对我的文章再指点1，2

98gyhuvzg9

非常感谢大家的指点，小弟明白了许多。在此感谢各位了。希望大家继续帮我指出所在问题。先谢！！！