书信作文, 求点评

imissu72

最近刚开始写作文， 大家看看和7的差距有多大，写完后，简单修改过。 11月份考试，



Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

You have recently moved to a different house.

Write a letter to an English-speaking friend. In you letter

Explain why you have moved

Describe the new house

Invite your friend to come and visit

=============================



Dear Jenny,



Recently there is a huge change in my life. I have moved to a new apartment near my office, just 3 blocks away. I can hardly wait to write this mail to share it with you.



The most important reason why I choose this is the house I lived before is too far way from my office.  So I had to spend plenty of time on the road. If there are storms or snow, it almost takes four hours to get home. In this way, I could not play with my child for more time which I cherish.



Now we have 3 bedrooms and one of them is designed as the game room which is my favorite. I can surf the internet and play computer games. In addition, there is one spacious and airy kitchen where my mother-in-law can make delicious food.



I really hope that you can stop by and have a dinner with my family on this weekend. Looking forward to hearing from you.



Best Regards



Cindy





Dear Jenny and Peter,



Thanks for sending me photos. I love all of them. They reminder me what a wonderful holiday we had together last month. Without both of you, I would not have so many sweet and gorgeous moments.



I am pretty sorry that I did not send the letter as early as possible. After coming back, I have been fully occupied by my work. The base station produced by my company was down without any reasons. As a lead engineer, I flied to customer’s office at once. After several days ‘working hard, the issue is solved finally. During this time, I could not have one minute to handle my personal things. Therefore, the letter is delayed.



Fortunately, now I have three days off. So I want to invite both of you and your family to come to my home this weekend. I will prepare Chinese traditional food and hold a big party. I am sure that we will have a great time together, too. Looking forward to hearing from you.



Best Regards



Cindy







You are unhappy about a plan to make your local airport bigger and increase the number of flights. You live near the airport



Write a letter to your local newspaper. In your letter

Explain where you live

Describe the problem

Give reasons why you do not want this development





Dear Sir,



I am writing this letter regarding to the expansion plan of Highland Airport reported in your newspaper on Sep. 9, 2011. Now I am living in Highland District, just two blocks away from the airport. My life has been strongly impacted by the current traffic in this airport. The case will get worse if the airport increase the number of flights and use more land.



To avoid noises, we already sealed our windows and doors, even the walls are stronger than other houses far away from the airport. Unfortunately, I still can hear huge volume of sound when planes land or begin to fly, and my child can not do homework at home. In addition, we often wake up in midnight because of late airplanes. My neighbors have the same feelings with me. So as a resident, I totally disagree with this plan and will fight to protect our living conditions.



Therefore, please record this and give out my voice in the newspaper to let the airport know what local citizens think.



Best regards



Cindy

imissu72

Dear Jenny and Peter,

Thanks for sending me photos. I love all of them. They reminder me what a wonderful holiday we had together last month. Without both of you, I would not have so many sweet and gorgeous moments.

(However,)I am pretty sorry that I did not send the letter as early as possible. After coming back, I have been fully occupied by my work. The base station produced by my company was down without any reasons. As a lead engineer, I flied(went) to customer’s office at once. After several days ‘working hard(strendous work), the issue is solved finally(was finally resolved). During this week, I could not have one minute to handle my personal things. Therefore, the letter was delayed.

Fortunately, now I have three days off. So I want to invite both of you and your family to come to my home this weekend. I will prepare Chinese traditional food and hold a big party. I am sure that we will have a great time together.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Best Regards

Cindy

imissu72

恩，继续修改

1513427487

最多5.5
多處表達方式太漢語化
但文化上的問題，更難以覺察和修改：
禮節上有欠缺、或有唐突之感
開頭沒有問候語，寒暄近況總是要的吧
換個房子租也算"big change in life?"
你住南北極，會經常有Storm and snow? 交通擁堵還不夠嗎？
你到底需要更多時間打遊戲上網，還是和小孩玩？還是帶你的小孩上網打遊戲？
總之事理很勉強，情急拼湊的痕跡處處可見。
結尾邀請，居然讓人家這個週末就來，十萬火急的事情啊！要為人家留個餘地...
說得有點重，見諒

西丽湖啦

it almost takes four hours to get home. In this way应该用过去吧
PLENTY OF再看一下,不应该用在这里

imissu72

浏览的多， 回复的多， 偶自己来顶吧