大家看看， 作文能得几分，主要问题在什么地方？

coqdflv034

Multi-cultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic cultures can bring more benefits than drawbacks. To what extent do you agree or disagree?





==============



Multi-culture means exposing societies to different perspectives coming from different ethnic groups. Ethnic groups co-exist is the current status of not only western countries such as Canada, Australia and America, but also in the eastern side of the world, like India and China.



Multi-culture has positive effects on societies. To begin with, multi-culture enriches art formats. For example, America composed of many ethnic groups in the world, is rich in a wide variety of musical formats, Blues and Hip-Hop are famous ones actually created by African people. In China, individuals can enjoy different dances from 55 ethnic minorities. Besides, the combination of many cultures definitely facilitates the economic development. In Canada or Australia, immigrants working hard or taking jobs that local people dislike make those countries become more prosperous than before. Lastly, It is much more easier to make correct decisions according to diverse views of distinct ethnic groups than just from the sole view. Most solutions have been proved effective through extensive discussion about all viewpoints over and over again to make sure all groups express their opinions completely



However, there are obvious drawbacks about multi-culture. Specifically, diversity of cultures might lead to intense friction if policies are not established very well. It is not surprising that conflict is established in ethnic groups with so many different background, perspectives and approaches to life. If there are not appropriate measures or rules to protect equality, fights or wars inevitably happen and  damage the unity of different ethnic groups or the harmony of societies

To sum up, multi-culture has both pros and cons. In my opinion, the advantages are stronger than the disadvantages, different ethnic groups co-existing.  The disadvantages should be thought of as a certain price that societies have to pay due to the characteristics of the world that we live in.

coqdflv034

而且， 考试的时候需要留3分钟检查， 总有一些很拼写或者连接词不对应的错误。

coqdflv034

下午， 按照kuthlaav的帖子， 写了一小一大作文。 发现怎么这么多错误， 而且脑子想不起合适的词，词单调的很, sigh.................
========================

You have a full-time job and are also doing a part-time evening course.
You now find that you cannot continue the course.

Write a letter to the course tutor. In your letter
describe the situation
Explain why you cannot continue at this time
Say what action you would like to take

Dear David,
I am writing to let you know that I can not attend the “Marketing strategies” course every Tuesday and Thursday evenings until the end of this month. I am so sorry about this since I love this course so much.

The cause why I can not continue the classes is I am so busy with my job on daytime. One of our customers requested that we should deliver the new functionality by 27th of this month. So all of engineers have to work overtime in order to meet this sudden change. As a lead testing engineer, I have more assignments. I can not go to the school at night during this period.

To resolve the issue, could you please send me training materials? I can try to learn them after I complete work assignments. If possible, can you tell me your phone number in case I have questions about the course. And my email is [email protected].

Best Regards

Cindy


Nowadays we are producing more and more rubbish.
Why do you think this is happening?
What can governments do to help reduce the amount of rubbish produced?


These days, humankind produces increasingly large amount of garbage has become a serious problem to solve. It is beneficial for society and the environment to analyze causes and give valuable solutions.

A wide variety of reasons contribute to the amount of rubbish generated by people. The most important one is the people tend to buy more products than they actually require. When people go to supermarkets or department stores, they usually buy more kinds of vegetables and fruits just because they are on sale or look gorgeous. Unfortunately, they can not consume all of these in a short time before food gets rotten. As a result, they have drop off them. Besides, producers often sell goods with a large amount as a unit is worsening this situation. Consumers have to pick up the large package although they need a small size. In addition, individuals have more requirements of good than in the past since they are much richer. If they do not like the existed TVs or fridges, they will discard them without hesitation and buy fancy innovations.

Based on the analysis above, governments have to take a series of steps to combat this trend. Firstly, governments should encourage consumers cultivate the appropriate habits of buying: People buy products that they really need. Consumers even can get refunding if they use the same product than expected. Secondly, governments should set the tax for collecting rubbish. When residents produce more rubbish than the quota, they are forced to pay the extra money to cover them. Last but not the least, the government should make measures to let producers offer small size of products. In this way, consumers have more choices.

To sum up, to solve the burden of more and more rubbish generated by people, governments should guide people consume what they really need. At the same time, producers should give different sizes of goods to satisfy customers’ needs.

coqdflv034

是的， 这个结构用的太勉强。 感谢。

coqdflv034

谢谢， vincent.

情感脉脉

but also in the eastern side of the world, like India and China
跟前面的不能形成paralell。而not only..but also..这种结构是要求严格paralell的。所以说这是一个语法的错误

热也如

还有考试的时候不要写真实的电话号码

kajv28

倒数第三句我写少了一个to
* I will have TO further escalate this matter to the Australian Consumer Protection Group

coqdflv034

Vincent, 谢谢， 我要好好分析一下你改的小作文， 确实比我写的上了一个level, 名不虚传呀。

Stodedueque

Hello Cindy,
给我写的话我会在第一段就告诉考官我完全同意题目中的opinion.


小作文：


Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Cindy Zhang and my customer reference number is 1234567. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction about the unfixed air conditioner of a Ford Focus I rented on 10/October/2011.介绍自己

The car was initially collected in fully working order. However, the air conditioner stopped functioning the next day after collection. As an air conditioner is much needed during the hot summer, I immediately reported the defect to your call centre. A customer representitive named Vincent Zhong promised me over the phone that a technician will be sent to carry out the repair within 2 working days. However, it has been 7 days since the incident was reported and I have not been approached by any of your technicians.说明情况，请用想象力写够字数，并且情节要要合情合理

In order to resolve the problem as soon as possible, I urge you to exchange my car within 2 days or I will have further escalate this matter to the Australian Consumer Protection Group. Enclosed are copies of my records including receipts and the transaction number. If you need to contact me, you can reach me at 01361111111
提出建议

Yours faithfully，

Cindy

第一篇文章我打6分,句子和用词现在都有进步，比较自然。结构和思维是以后改进的重点

[]