拼凑作文一遍

豆腐干风格

第一次写作文，算不上写，拼凑一篇。肯定大家赐教。



Some people say that governments should pay for the public health care and education, while others say that it is not the government’s responsibility. Please discuss both views and give your own opinion.



There has been much discussion these years about whether authorities should have an obligation to pay for the public health care and education. In my opinion people who cannot afford it should be compensated by governments.



Some people argue that governments have responsibility to fund the public healthcare and education. As a taxpayer, citizens have the right to enjoy the free health care and education, which are part of social welfare.  If citizens lived without the guarantee of health, people who suffer from diseases might fail to get recovered. Especially the infectious diseases cannot be well controlled might cause the society anxiety. Also, without sufficient guidance of teachers, these citizens might misbehave or even commit crimes, posing a threat to other citizens’ security. Therefore, the government should be accountable for citizens’ health care and education to keep society safe and stable.



On the other hand, some people oppose the argument, saying it is waste of tax revenue for government to subsidize healthcare and education of each citizen in society. Instead, the government should give priority to more pressing problems related to social members’ wellbeing, such as soaring crime rate, job opportunity or the shortage of infrastructure, which are requiring financial resources from the government to address.



In conclusion, I think most people should privately insure their health and education. But it is unreasonable to suppose that all citizens can afford it. Therefore, a safety net in the form of a basic free health care and education system must exit for the very poor and the unemployed.

豆腐干风格

多谢 symeteor 兄 给我指出这么多错误。 十分感谢啊。

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1. 字数比较危险，用word统计出来251个。建议多写一点
2.  In my opinion ，加个逗号吧
3. cannot afford it  这里用复数吧？或则干脆直接fee?
4. people who suffer from diseases might fail to get recovered. 虚拟语气，这里应该用would
5. Especially the infectious diseases (which) cannot be well controlled might cause the society anxiety. 不加which的话感觉是双谓语动词了
6.Also, without sufficient guidance of teachers, these citizens might misbehave or even commit crimes, posing a threat to other citizens’ security.  这句写的感觉莫名奇妙。 要议论的是教育，而不是教师
7. it is (a) waste of tax
8. job opportunity 应该用复数
9. But it is unreasonable to suppose that all citizens can afford it. 这个地方的it还是建议明确写出来是什么。而且感觉和后面的那句联系很弱，和后面的写成一句可能更好
10. must exit ，应该是exist吧。