大作文求批。。。。

0c1b64t44d

刚练习的一篇，请各位帮忙看看能有几分



People who often read for pleasure can develop better imagination and language skills than those who often entertain themselves with television or the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?



Today, because of the fierce competition in study and work, an increase number of people tend to choose to do some educational activities when they are relaxing. Some people augur that reading for pleasure is a better way of developing imagination and language skills than watching TV and surfing the Internet. From my point of view, this opinion does not make sense.



For one thing, there is no evidence shows that reading books is a better leisure activity than entertaining by television and internet in terms of developing imagination. Admittedly, some science fictions, such as “around the world in eighty”, can definitely generate people’s imagination, especially for youngsters. However, the movie duplicates the original story which people can appreciate on TV and Internet could demonstrate the plot more vividly. Besides, there are numerous of relative stories and images available on the Internet if people are interested in them. Therefore, people’s imagination would be developed greatly by watching the videos, appreciating the images rather than simply reading the original story on book.



For another thing, the view that reading for fun is better for acquiring language skills is entirely nonsensical. Many people may think that reading is a good way of learning new words as well as the grammar of one language. However, these people may ignore that language skills do not only content reading skill, but also other skills. For instance, when you are watching a TV show, chatting with your friends via Skype and writing your personal blog, you are practicing your listening, speaking and writing skills which cannot be taught by reading books.



In conclusion, I convinced that some new ways of recreation like watching TV and surfing the internet can better develop people’s imagination and language skills rather than the traditional ways, like reading.

sfznu294

多谢指教啊，这段是感觉有些怪怪的

要是到上一段改成：

Some people might argue that more and more people read via the Internet nowadays, and there are innumerous books and news in the Internet. But it is only a new media of books, just like people used parchment and bamboo long before paper was invented.


加到第三段末尾是不是就没问题了？

河马小咬

你的好很多
结构清晰，语法准确而且形式丰富
就是中间这个Granted, more and more people read via the Internet nowadays, and there are innumerous books and news in the Internet. But it is only a new media of books, just like people used parchment and bamboo long before paper was invented.有点怪怪的。如果要写成一个论点的段，至少要一个topic sentence，一个supporting sentence，一个concluding sentence，这样的2句话放着有点不伦不类的，而且还有点不着调，完全可以删掉。

jbnmzcon

6分水平吧
语法错误很多
雅思大作文就是个八股文，开头， 2～3个论点段，然后结尾
开头的结构基本是：第一句描述一个大环境，第二句把第一句引申集中到小点，第三句描述这个小的点，第四句讲你的essay要写什么，大致结构这样。
然后中间每一个段落第一句是topic sentence，要讲你的观点。譬如agree/disagree的，你就应该写，我同意这个观点，是因为blablabla。然后要围绕你为什么同意的这一点来展开。最后一句稍微总结一下你的观点。
最后一段概括上面所写的论点，最后再申明观点（或者是总结问题）。
你的开头第一句大环境就偏到了自己论点上，结尾没有总结论点，这个基本是硬伤了

Jin_Ming

两篇作文一正一反的两个观点，求大牛指点呀

感官世界

顶一下，我也写了一篇，同样求批

People are now living in an era of technology. From televisions on every family’s walls to the Internet that connects every available computer, modern technology has given human beings numerous choices about entertainment. Reading, however, is another traditional approach for human to obtain pleasure. Television and Internet, admittedly, might cater to the needs of killing time, but it is reading that can truly inspire people, when it comes to the development of imagination and language skills.

Reading, a tradition that has been passed down ever since there were civilizations, has and will continue to enhance imagination of human. When people are reading a novel and enjoying the plot, the fragments of the story will be reflected in their minds. This reflection, to a large extent, will significantly promote a person’s imagination in a way that television and Internet can not substitute. Another instance is science fiction, a fascinating combination of literature and imagination. There are tremendous new technologies and advanced products in science fictions, which will take our thought to the future. People’s imagination, especially for children, will largely benefit from reading them.

Furthermore, reading can exert a profound influence on reader’s language skills. From kindergarten to primary school, children learn new words, as well as grammar by their textbooks. When growing older, they learn how to read and write by reading juvenile books. Although they might learn new words and slang from TV and Internet, it is reading that make them obtain language skills comprehensively and systematically. Moreover, people can develop language skills through reading classic literature. Learning from great writers, imitating their writing styles, the readers’ language attainments will be in higher levels. Obviously, people who spend their spare time in library acquire better language skills than thoes who indulge themselves in TV programs and the Internet.

Granted, more and more people read via the Internet nowadays, and there are innumerous books and news in the Internet. But it is only a new media of books, just like people used parchment and bamboo long before paper was invented.

In conclusion, in spite of all the entertainments that television and Internet can offer, it is reading that can help people develop better imagination and language skills.

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